Posts Tagged ‘compassion’
Whoosh! That’s how the effects of Covid-19 feel to me right now.
I am in the midst of a flurry of activity: canceling in-person courses and retreats while simultaneously helping NVC trainers from across the world to expand their online training – all in an effort to support our global NVC community.
At this challenging and potentially scary time, I am reminded of something Krishnamurti said to his followers in one of his infamous speeches…
I am sitting at my desk staring at my computer. I want to write a note to you that is cheerful and upbeat, and I am struggling to match that kind of letter with authenticity.
The truth is I have been feeling especially discouraged lately.
Here in the USA, we have just come through a grueling impeachment process to remove our president from office. And on top of that, we are in the midst of a presidential election year… I find I am listening to candidates make their case for why we should vote for them while not feeling confident that either of the major political parties will endorse a candidate that speaks for me.
Then I read about world events, which included the coronavirus outbreak which is affecting thousands of people across the world… the fires in Australia that are affecting thousands more people and millions of wildlife… global warming and its effect on all life… the depth of pain and suffering across the world… and the first year anniversary of my dear friend Jenny’s death – which may seem very small by comparison and yet holds deep grief for me.
Some days I feel utterly weary and worn down…
Brrrrr. Are you feeling winter? I am. I just missed a week of work due to the flu, and I am still feeling a little punk. As I sit down to write this letter, I realize a lot of things that are important to me are taking the back burner. Things like working out, any number of tasks around the house, and my work “to-do” items. Instead, I work for a few hours and take a nap. Eat a meal, take a nap. Work for a few more hours. Take a nap…
It’s slow and steady and completely focused on my body’s need for healing.
In a way, I’ve enjoyed it. Not the flu symptoms, of course, but this opportunity to be so clearly tuned in to self and health. In this state, it’s pretty easy to decide what the priorities are because my body is so screaming for healing. For instance, I don’t feel only a little tired for nap: my eyes are struggling to stay open and sleep must happen… NOW.
It is also much easier for me to say no to someone when they ask me for something that stretches my willingness. Right now it is easier to prioritize, and easier to surrender to my inner call for health and wellbeing.
I would like to get better at living this way without having a health issue. How about you?
To me, that would look like:
For many of us in the world, autumn has arrived in its full beauty and darkness. The leaves turn magnificent colors and then fall, leaving a barren tree and a dark landscape. The days are shorter and colder. Warm sun is harder for some of us to find, and impossible for others.
I’m very connected to the changing seasons, and so I feel some of the beauty and darkness within my own internal landscape. It manifests as a great desire for more sleep… snuggling on the couch with my family… open days on my calendar with no appointments or expectations of myself… canning applesauce… and ample time to meander, change course, or take a nap.
For years, I called my autumn mood depression because I had much less desire for projecting outside my small circle and less patience for busyness. Now I call it …
Last week our NVC Academy Team was meeting, and I asked if anyone had any ideas for a topic for our October issue of Growing Roots. Fellow co-founder of the NVC Academy, Mark Schultz, said: “Witches and goblins need compassion too!” We all chuckled.
And yet it is the truth, isn’t it.
There are days when I can meet the so-called witches and goblins in my life with empathy, compassion, and love in abundance. On those days, I know my life is in greater balance and my spiritual / emotional tank is full. And I feel grateful to Marshall Rosenberg for teaching me how to take better care of myself and for inspiring my natural compassion to grow.
Other days, it seems my own internal witch or goblin needs tender care, and she has little to offer others. That’s a sign that my spiritual and emotional tank is low and needs a tune up. My favorite tune up methods are: asking for empathy (I have two empathy buddies); reading books that remind me of my own and others’ divinity; meditation; simply talking to a good friend; helping someone else (service); and going for a walk in nature.
The truth is that when I first came into NVC I thought I didn’t have a compassionate bone in my body. And I thought there wasn’t enough empathy in the world to heal me.
Thankfully, I was wrong.
A couple of weeks ago I was sitting in my living room when my entire building started to rock, my glass of water trembled, my heart raced, and my cat flew out of the room in fear. It was an earthquake. A week later, it happened again only this time everything rocked even more.
Earthquakes are one of the disadvantages of living in California; so far we have been very lucky that the magnitude has been low.
The thing that was most striking to me was that once the earthquakes were done, my cat bit me. An angry bite that didn’t hurt, but her ears were down and she looked mad. She looked mad but I knew she was acting out of fear so I picked her up, kissed her face, and snuggled with her until she calmed. I think it was nurturing to her and I know it was to me.
Have you ever been scared and responded with anger?
Lately, I’ve been ruminating on aging.
Eight months ago, I turned 60 and I’m still letting it in. Suddenly, retirement isn’t a lifetime away. Suddenly, I’m watching myself physically age faster than I’ve noticed or even fathomed before. Suddenly, I’m aware of the potential of having just a few decades left rather than what seemed like an endless length of time.
I don’t feel old… yet time seems more precious than it ever had before. My oldest and dearest friend died in March, so tending to my relationships has taken on a new, laser-sharp focus.
I’m increasingly aware that something inside me is shifting towards what’s most important, such as how and with whom I want to spend my time, and what my priorities are for the next 10 years. My definition of and experience of beauty and wisdom are also taking on new meaning. And self-care takes up more time and and has grown in importance in my physical and emotional life.
These aren’t bad things. They’re new things. I recently read a quote from Parker Palmer, one of my favorite authors, where he said, “I want to collaborate with aging.”
One of the paradoxical aspects of my life is that I consider myself a small town, rural person and I live in a big city. I’m here because of a strong inner call that led me here, and I have many needs that are met by this decision. I love my life – and I miss nature – so one of the ways I make this big city life more enjoyable is by visiting our local nature center several times a week to commune with natural life of all kinds.
And, I have great news to report…
We live in an intensive time, don’t we? Many of us are confronted with loved ones whose perspective is remarkably different from our own – and both sides often feel quite desperate and overwhelmed.
So I’m thinking it’s time for me to come back to the basics, and maybe this is true for you too. I frequently come back to the basics when my relationships seem challenging or harder than I think they need to be. So, please join me in NVC Basic 101…
I love gardening… Do you?
My favorite part is in the spring when I get to pull out and clean up all of winter’s dead stalks and make way for the year’s new seedlings and young plants. And seeing the tiny heads of their new leaves poking through the once-frozen dirt – ahhhhh, there’s something so healing and nurturing about following this practice every spring.
My least favorite part is planning the garden, and as a result, I have relied on untrained instincts and luck, a plan which used to work pretty well until I moved to California. I was told anything could grow, but almost nothing I’ve planted has thrived. Hmmm.
Do you ever experience this in your life? A time when it seems that you’re bumbling along without much direction or clarity? Or when you seem to run into more roadblocks than open doors?