Posts Tagged ‘feelings and needs’
Everything someone does or says is an attempt to meet a need …. Really?
The other day, I was in a gathering and I ran into a woman two times. What I mean is, I looked up and she was right there and we were standing so close that I was startled. After an hour at this event, I was pulling out of my parking place. I looked both ways and waited for a car to go by and then pulled out of my parking space and I nearly side-swiped the lady’s car. The very same lady!
In each case, I apologized and blamed myself. Then, on my way home, I started to blame her. Do you ever find yourself ruminating on your judgments and trying to place blame? Has this behavior ever relieved your anxiety or angst over the situation? It hasn’t succeeded for me even once, yet I’ve tried it countless times throughout my life and one more time with this lady.
If it’s true that ‘everything someone does or says is an attempt to meet a need,’ what needs would judgment and blame serve?
I leave this afternoon for a 1.5 week training trip. I’m leading a weekend retreat this weekend in Arizona and then leave for Washington State Tuesday to lead a 4-day retreat, followed by time with my elderly Dad.
I have noticed that whenever I am getting ready to leave for a trip, I feel a lot of stress and it would be easy for me to express myself in a grumpy or disconnected way.
Yesterday, I had a long list of things I wanted to get done and my phone rang way more often than usual, a couple people stopped in to see me at my office unexpectedly, and many of the things I was trying to complete weren’t getting done as easily as I’d hoped. So, by 2:00pm I was starting to really experience the pressure of it and my jackals began to howl.
This is all so familiar to me. Yet another time when if I choose to believe my jackals that I can’t get everything done, that people are interrupting me, or that there’s just too much…, I could fall into a heap of overwhelm and despair.
I could feel myself heading down this path and so I chose to give myself empathy several times in the day by saying or thinking to myself, “Ugh. I would really enjoy more ease and flow.” Followed by a few deep breaths and then reminding myself how much time I have before leaving.