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By Mary Mackenzie, April 16, 2010 3:18 PM

Bringing Presence, Joy and Creativity To Your Relationships and Life
A Women’s NVC 4-Day Intermediate* NVC Vacation Retreat
with Mary Mackenzie
August 4 – 7, 2010        Lake Arrowhead, California

When: Wednesday, August 4 to Saturday, August 7, 2010

Where: Peaceful Pines, Lake Arrowhead, California

“Creating Abundance In Love and Life”
is a unique opportunity to blend life-changing learning, vacation play, and relaxation time along the lakeside beauty of a National Forest.

A renowned leader in compassionate change, Mary Mackenzie, M.A., is Executive Director, Flagstaff Center for Compassionate Communication, Co-founder NVC Academy, CNVC Certified Trainer, Mediator and Author.

“Creating Abundance in Love and Life” is designed to facilitate deep growth and freedom from “scarcity thinking” that can get in the way of experiencing all that is possible.

If we trust in the Universe that there are infinite strategies available to us for having our needs met, we can be in the energy to receive and connect with others. Relationships, life and finances can shift - allowing for greater presence, joy, and creativity.

Continue reading 'Creating Abundance in Love and Life'»

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By Mary Mackenzie, April 12, 2010 5:16 PM

I’m sitting here staring at my computer wondering what to write.  The thing that is most alive in me right now is too embarrassing to write about, I say to myself.  “Pick something less revealing.”  Unfortunately, nothing has come to mind after staring at the computer for 10 minutes so here goes, warts and all.

I met with a dear group of friends for our monthly book club meeting this Saturday.  I got VERY triggered, my jackals were howling in my brain and finally I left rather abruptly.   During the 2 hour gathering I had tried self-empathy and I made a few requests that weren’t well connected to needs and one could even argue about whether they were clear, doable requests, but the point is I made an attempt at shifting the situation and my experience of it.  To no avail, though.  I left shut down and in tears.

Continue reading 'Mourning for Healing'»

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By Mary Mackenzie, April 7, 2010 3:00 PM

Attend this 4-Day NVC Workshop in Bainbridge Island, Washington

Empathy as a Way of Being:
Four Transformative Days of Learning to Live a More Compassionate Life

An in-person NVC Academy Workshop in Bainbridge Island, Washingtonwith CNVC Certified Trainers Mary Mackenzie and Kathleen Macferran
Wednesday, April 28, 1:00-6:00 pm through Saturday, May 1 at 12:00 noon

Fee:  $350 (meals and lodging not included and managed by each individual)

Empathy As a Way of Being is designed for intermediate or advanced NVC practitioners who want to deepen their empathic presence.

Atttend this workshop and:

• Take your empathy skills to the next level
• Increase your self-compassion
• Deepen your own persona healing
• Find out what prevents you from giving empathy and learn ways to maintain your presence
• Enhance your skills for empathic connection
• Explore street empathy for natural flow in your connections

Requested experience level: Significant facility using NVC in your daily life.  Completed at least 20 or more hours of NVC training.

More information and registration

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By Mary Mackenzie, April 2, 2010 9:56 PM

Yesterday was April Fool’s Day.  This is a day when people play tricks on each other.   My mother enjoyed playing little tricks on people so April Fool’s Day was one of her favorite holidays.  One year when I was a little girl we were at the dinner table on April Fool’s Day when Mom said to my father, “John, did you notice anything unusual today?”  “No” he said.  “ANYTHING DIFFERENT ABOUT YOUR UNDERWEAR TODAY?” “Oh!  Yes, I thought I had put them on backward and so I just dealt with it.”  My mother was disappointed.  Apparently, she had sewn the fly in his boxers shut the night before.  My father had noticed a dilemma but had assumed he put his boxers on backwards and so just adjusted to it for the rest of the day.  We all thought that was hilarious.

This funny little story has been running through my head for the last two days.  This morning I realized that I often respond to things as my father did.  If something goes wrong, I assume it was my fault in some way and I adjust to the current circumstances.

I recently got a letter from the IRS which stated that a mistake had been made in my 2008 taxes.  I was certain I’d made a mistake.  So, I took my letter to my accountant, apologizing.  The mistake was his, actually, and not mine at all.  I left his office elated even though I owed the IRS more money.

Why is this?  Why do I (and my father and so many people) assume that we are wrong?  Or even that anyone has to be wrong?

I think it’s a core belief that we aren’t good enough, or that we’re not worthwhile.  Each time we believe this old, outdated thought, we negate our true self, our beautiful, spiritual self that has value and purpose just because we are breathing.

I’m taking a deep breath just writing this now.  I remember watching my mother hang on to life, frail as a rail, unable to feed herself, or even talk but she had breath, precious, life-giving breath.  I realized then that as long as we breathe we are spiritual beings with value.

I’d like to remember this more often.  It’s so easy to get hung up on thinking I’m supposed to do something, be better, or create an improved model of myself.  Today I want to remember that I am already good enough and this present moment is all that matters.  When I remember this, there’s no need for right/wrong thinking.

.

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By Mary Mackenzie, March 31, 2010 3:21 PM

Two days ago I decided to take the day off.  My allergies are flaring and I have been longing for time alone in my house.  My housemate decided to take the day off too.   The previous Monday the same thing happened.  So, for two weeks I have been trying to carve out some alone time in my house without success, and becoming more desperate for it as a result.

At first I felt annoyed and even mad that she didn’t go to work.  My jackal thoughts went something like, ”ARGH!  What will it take for me to have alone time in my house?!?  There’s simply not enough room for me under these circumstances!”

Then, I got sad and started to mourn my lack of space and peace.  I could also connect with overwhelm and wanting ease.

I cried for about 10 minutes, just letting the feelings go, not trying to control them, justify them or even understand them.  I just let them flow as I connected to my needs for space, choice, and peace.

Then, a calm fell over me when I thought, “Well, how much space do you want?  What specific amount of time would support you today?”  I realized that I had a class starting at 4:00 pm that day.  It was 11:30 am right now, so what I really wanted was 4.5 hours of alone time in my house.

Suddenly, the situation didn’t seem so enormous and with this clarity I left my room and said to her, “You know I’m pretty desperate to have alone time and the last two times I’ve tried to do that you had a day off too.  Being alone helps me rejuvenate and renew and I’m pretty depleted right now.  I’m not trying to get away from you; I truly just need alone time for my own renewal.  Would you be willing to leave the house until 4:00 pm today?”

She pondered it for a minute, trying to figure out how she could do that and how it would impact her life.  Then she said, “Okay.”

The next day we talked about it.  She said she had been unclear about how she wanted to spend her day when I approached her.  She had work she wanted to do but had been telling herself that she should take the day off.  In the end, my request helped her clarify that she really wanted to go to work that day, and take another day off when she wasn’t so pressured with deadlines.

In the old days I probably wouldn’t have asked her to leave the house for a few hours because I would have been stuck in scarcity thinking which tells me that one of us will lose.  And if I think one of us will lose, I would usually choose to leave my need unmet.  Today, simply by giving myself a few minutes of self empathy, I realized the depth of my need and a specific request that I could make.  I was prepared for her to say no, or to negotiate the specifics of my request until we found a way for both our needs to be valued.  By making the request, I opened the door for both of our needs to matter and to be met.

When I unilaterally decide to not ask for what I want, I am living in scarcity and thus demonstrate that my needs don’t matter. When I take the time to empathize with my needs and then make a clear request, I am living in abundance, and creating the possibility that all our needs matter.

Had I not made my request, I believe I would have spent the day agitated, overwhelmed and judgmental, and stuck in thinking that there’s not enough space in the house for me. As it turns out, I spent the day with my phones turned off, reading, watching a movie, napping with my cat, and not leaving the house until my class at 4:00 pm.  I felt rejuvenated, satisfied, and full of love for my housemate.

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By Mary Mackenzie, March 26, 2010 12:27 PM

I’m excited about starting my blog.  I’ve thought long and hard about what I wanted the content to be.  Finally, I decided that the mundane task of living NVC on a daily basis complete with all the foibles, missed opportunities for connection, downright blatant jackal voices, and the continual re-commitment to living NVC is where I wanted to put my focus.  I am passionate about the value of focusing on self, not at the exclusion of others, but rather as an acknowledgment that the best chance I have of living in a peaceful world is if I live peacefully myself.  I am no longer excited about social change outside myself.  I know that if I am successful at living peacefully, I create peace.

I was recently listening to NPR (National Public Radio) and a story came up about a pediatrician in the United States who had been molesting children for decades.  At the time of the report over 130 children (now adults) had come forward with complaints.  I literally groaned out loud, turned off the radio and then started praying.  I thought, “Bless all the children involved.  Bless their families.  Bless every person or animal who they have ever interacted with or with whom they will ever interact.  Bless the pediatrician.  Bless the pediatrician’s family…”

As the impact of one person’s actions began to take shape I cried hard as the overwhelm of it took hold.

Then, after crying hard for a few minutes, I felt an internal shift.  Suddenly, I was filled with hope, love and gratitude because I started going through the same process with regard to our world’s collective growth of consciousness.  Then I started to think, “Thank you for every single person who has ever been affected or will ever be affected by my growing consciousness, and every individual person in the world’s growing consciousness…”

I realized that we can feel utterly overwhelmed with the state of our world and negate our own power in shifting it.  And when we negate our power, we forget how profoundly important it is to focus on “being” the presence in the world we want.

This is no small task.  I believe it requires daily, sometimes moment-by-moment focus and commitment, taking responsibility for our part in any pain or violence in our world, and consciously shifting our course as a result.

So, on this day, I commit my blog to this small, simple topic of living in peace and integrity in my own life, thus supporting whatever sphere of influence I have, knowing that it is enough. My focus will be on living in NVC and presence to expand the peace I experience (and the peace I demonstrate) in my world.

Peace to whomever reads this,

Mary Mackenzie, Flagstaff, Arizona

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By admin, March 4, 2010 5:55 AM

Living the Fullness of Life Program with Robert Gonzales begins April 1st

• Gain skills for living in compassion every possible moment of your life
• Increase your ability to access your natural state of joy
• Transform your judgments by connecting to the inherent life within
• Expand your ability to embody the NVC consciousness

Read more…