Trust, flow, information sharing, and learning is reduced in conflict. Conflict can indicate incapacity in at least one of five systems that every group, community, or organization needs to function. Attending to conflict at systems-level helps reduce over relying on momentary connection that isn’t anchored in decisions about what comes next. When there's enough agreed upon systems within capacity, that attend to enough kinds of situations, we're likely to have little conflict.
Building trust involves each person taking responsibility for what they want by identifying their needs, and making specific and doable requests that open a negotiation. Identify in what contexts you already have trust, what you want to be able to trust, and how you may be blocking or cultivating that trust. Making requests for specific actions of what to do differently can also help.
As you witness injustices in the world, tension, anger, hopelessness, despair and more, may rise up in you. These feelings may lead to reactive thinking that doesn't contribute to healing nor wise action. Mourning is a universal need. If your culture pushed away grief and its emotional expression, you may have habits that block your access to the aliveness of grief. Read on for ways to give grief the space and support it needs.
Reactivity can be big or subtle. Pressuring yourself or someone to be or do a certain way without trying to understand them with curiosity, is a form of reactivity. Reactivity can create much damage in the short and long term. Catch it early –through discernment, transparency, and remembering that connection is key– and you can foster more open and fulfilling relationships.
Let's look at the resources, awareness, and skills needed to ask for emotional attunement, celebration, relatedness, perspective, understanding, advice, and information. This includes expressing appreciation for what's supporting your needs, strengthening a sense of worthiness, and awareness of your reactivity and intention. Plus, making requests that are clear, specific, doable and creates a heart connection with others.
Join CNVC Certified Trainer Jerry Koch-Gonzalez, Greg Rouillard and Certified Dynamic Governance (Sociocracy) Consultant John Buck for this six-session course recording to learn how to transform your method of meeting facilitation. Many NVC organizations have begun using sociocratic tools, including circle meetings and decision making by consent, with satisfying results.