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The Three Most Common Pitfalls in Nonviolent Communication

Article • 5 - 8 minutes • 06/2017
Beginner Skill Level
Article
5 - 8 minutes
06/2017

We're more likely to sacrifice trust, connection, and relationship quality when (1.) We use NVC to focus on being seen, understood, heard, or meeting our own needs in a way that eclipses our view and understanding of others needs; (2.) We don't clearly examine our intentions; and (3.) We use the NVC form so rigidly that it becomes difficult for others to connect with us authentically.


The Spiral Blend

Video • 15 minutes • 10/01/2017
Intermediate Skill Level
Video
15 minutes
10/01/2017

David explores how movement helps you hold your center when navigating challenging conversations. Example: Move to Wind ~ to calm your system; Move to Ground ~ to notice the ground on which you stand; and Step to Shikaku ~ step behind to practice empathic listening. Listen Now.


Observation, the First Component of Nonviolent Communication

Trainer Tip • 1 - 2 minutes • 10/2005
Introductory Skill Level
Trainer Tip
1 - 2 minutes
10/2005

Trainer tip: People often presume why something happened before checking with the other person. Instead, if we were to name the facts of what happened through observation without adding in our own judgments or reasons why we think it happened, we can more easily open the possibility for deeper connection with the other person. Read on for more on making observations.


What am I Willing to Pay for My Freedom?

Audio • 13 minutes • 8/1/2021
Intermediate Skill Level
Audio
13 minutes
8/1/2021

Arnina Kashtan works with a course participant to explore the question, "What am I Willing to Pay for My Freedom?" Arnina leads her in a process of self-inquiry to identify some the factors that leave her bound to conditioned behaviors, offering a path to freedom.


Being Honest About Our Anger

Trainer Tip • 1 - 2 minutes • 08/29/2005
Beginner Skill Level
Trainer Tip
1 - 2 minutes
08/29/2005

Trainer Tip: Mary shares how staying present to our anger and finding the underlying feelings and needs can lead to deeper connection and more satisfying outcomes.


Creating an Internal Secure Base

Article • 5 - 8 minutes • 9/2018
Intermediate Skill Level
Article
5 - 8 minutes
9/2018

We each hold an internal model or set of expectations about how caring and comfort could be accessed in relationship. The ability to reflect upon and challenge our own dominant model of perceptions, beliefs, and behaviors --and to experience discomfort and vulnerability-- is a key feature of "security". If not, an "attachment reactivity" arises -- where sense of insecurity, separateness, and belief that love, and acceptance can't be trusted nor accessed reliably. Thus change would require intensive support. Here's a guide to help you reflect and access change.


Releasing Our Judgments

Trainer Tip • 1 - 2 minutes • 10/2005
Beginner Skill Level
Trainer Tip
1 - 2 minutes
10/2005

Trainer Tip: It's impossible to value other people’s needs and remain compassionate if we simultaneously harbor judgments. If we're willing to shift this behavior we can translate our judgments into acknowledging how something affects us. Once I got into the habit of this, my judgments began to subside dramatically. It became easy to love people and feel compassion for them, and I experienced a freedom I had never known before.


Transforming Complaint

Trainer Tip • 1 - 2 minutes • 08/2020
Beginner Skill Level
Trainer Tip
1 - 2 minutes
08/2020

Trainer Tip: NVC-based social change naturally emerges from “a certain kind of spirituality”, a quality of spiritual clarity. Intuitions and impulses arising from spiritual clarity are more likely to support sustainable systems. Read on for how to bring more of this in, and ways to transform your complaint into commitment.


Change Your Response to Conflict — Change Your Life (4 Session Course)

Audio • 5 hours, 12 minutes • 02/26/2013
Intermediate Skill Level
Audio
5 hours, 12 minutes
02/26/2013

Listen to this introductory 4-session Mediate Your Life telecourse recording to change your response to conflict and change your life.


Calling Out / Calling In

Article • 12 - 18 minutes • 03/2019
Advanced Skill Level
Article
12 - 18 minutes
03/2019

When someone's in immense pain and uses words that are hard to hear, see if you can bring in as much attention and compassion as you would to someone who was cut with a sword. Focusing on what's important to them, and not so much on how it was said. This may support greater understanding and healing. Otherwise, we risk prioritizing needs, norms, and inequities of the dominant culture, over caring for people who bear the invisible brunt of such norms.


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