When someone expresses upset about our actions, and we focus on our intention being seen and understood (e.g. "I didn’t mean to hurt you”) it doesn't support the speaker in being heard more deeply with care. Here we'll explore this dynamic in a way that supports more clarity and the possibility of greater personal liberation. Read on for more.

Trainer Tip: A request completes the communication by stating specifically what we would like from someone else to meet our need. Without this clarity, our communication can be confusing and can easily be seen as a demand. When people know what you want, you have a better chance of meeting your needs. Make clear, specific, doable requests of people, and see if this increases the chance of meeting your needs. Read on for an example.

Trainer tip: Be aware of times when you are judging others, demanding, making comparisons, or denying responsibility for your actions. Notice how these communication patterns affect your connection with other people.

Learn to recognize four forms of thinking and speaking that are likely to lead to disconnection.

Working on social justice and racial equity? If you include attending to white culture and privilege as part of that work, you'll reap important benefits. Understanding white culture — along with its embedded historical privileges — provides valuable insight into a larger system of inequity.

The less blame and criticism, the easier it is for others to hear us. From this perspective, it’s in our best interest to come from curiosity and care. This way differences can bring us together and help us know one another. The more mutual understanding, the easier it is to work together and find creative solutions. Read on for more on this, with a story about how a black man inspired 200 members of the KKK to leave the organization.

Trainer tip: Do you get into “right fights”? You know you’re in one when you’re arguing with somebody in order to be right or because you want to win. What needs do I hope to meet from winning or being right? Notice if you enter into a right fight today and shift your focus to your needs and connecting with the other person's needs.

In this amusing and inspiring video, CNVC Certified Trainers Kelly Bryson and Christine King engage in a role play about a parent talking to a seven year old daughter who is feeling bored.

This exercise will help you resolve situations in which you have two needs which seem to be in conflict with each other, transforming inner conflict into peace.

Ever wish you knew how you might experience more choice when you've been triggered, instead of being trapped in old habits and unmet needs? Wish you could REALLY heal old internal messages that tell you you're not good enough… not loveable… or not deserving? Join veteran CNVC Certified Trainer, Mary Mackenzie, for this 6-session course designed to deepen your ability to connect with self and heal your past through the process of Self-empathy.