Bringing the Topic of a Conversation Back to Your Needs

Trainer Tip: Sometimes the best way to get our need me is to first connect with the needs of another. Trainer Tip “I think patience is what love is,” he said, “because how could you love somebody without it?” —Jane Howard You pop into your colleague’s office to say hi and ask what time it is. He offers a lengthy dissertation on how clocks work. You think you could walk out the door without him noticing, but deep down, you respect him and you want to maintain a cordial relationship. On the other hand, you really don’t care how clocks work; you just wanted to know the time. What do you do? The topic isn’t interesting to you, but your relationship with your colleague is. If you can’t find interest in the topic, connect with the needs he is trying to meet with the information and make a request that will help you to meet your needs. You might say: “So, Bob, I can tell that the topic of how clocks work is very interesting to you. I appreciate your desire to contribute to me in that way, and I would prefer you contribute to a more immediate need I have, which is to know what time it is. Would you be willing to tell me what it is, and then I’ll see if I have time to stay for your story?” When you demonstrate that you understand why the issue is personally important to him and reassert the needs you are trying to meet, you show that you value both your needs, and you have a greater opportunity to meet them in the moment. Be aware of opportunities today to reassert your needs while also valuing someone else’s needs. This trainer tip is an excerpt from Mary Mackenzie's book Peaceful Living, available from PuddleDancer Press.