Tips for the Road Series: Tip 3. Get Empathy before Making Important Decisions

Eric explains how we can often avoid regret by getting empathy before making important decisions. Some of the decisions I have made that I regret the most are the ones I made in haste, without tuning into my feelings and needs, and without fully considering the feelings and needs of others affected by my decision. Whenever possible, I suggest you slow down when making important decisions and do NVC self-empathy—connect to your feelings and needs (“Let me think about it,” is a handy response when asked to decide something important). Even better, find someone who knows how to give you NVC empathy. Talking through decisions with someone who can set aside their advice, opinions, and stories, and can reflect back to you your feelings and needs can bring a great deal of clarity and open up new possibilities. If your friend has advice or suggestions to offer, I recommend asking the friend to wait until you’ve received all the empathy you need first before they offer suggestions. Slowing down to feel what is going on in your body and finding your needs helps calm the nervous system and helps you make the most of the intelligence in both hemispheres of your brain, and helps to tap into your intuition. Decisions made under pressure or stress are made mostly with the left hemisphere of the brain. Connecting to feelings and needs brings the right hemisphere of the brain online, with its capacity to see the bigger picture, to access intuition, and to empathize with the needs of others involved. Finally, if the decision you come to after getting empathy is one in which you won’t be doing what someone has asked of you, I suggest finding something else to offer to that person, if possible. For example, you might say, “I really need more rest and peace right now, so I’m not willing to host the family reunion. However, I am willing to find a caterer.”