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Trainer tip: People often presume why something happened before checking with the other person. Instead, if we were to name the facts of what happened through observation without adding in our own judgments or reasons why we think it happened, we can more easily open the possibility for deeper connection with the other person. Read on for more on making observations.

Whether we have more or less power and privilege, anything without liberation for all is within patriarchal separation, and will continue cycles of oppression. To liberate ourselves and one another we need to increase our collective capacity through developing related knowledge, skills, research; build an understanding of patriarchal roots; confront lovingly; co-hold dilemmas about privilege; co-shape outcomes; etc.

Underlying much of our communication is a request: when we say something, we're usually expecting something else — perhaps something subtle — in return. Let's look at how to make requests clearer and more do-able, avoiding the pitfall of demands.

Trainer Tip: Even when you hit deep emotional bottoms, instead of deciding whether something is good or bad, get clear on how you feel about it and what needs it will or will not meet. Let the Universe do the rest. Then take action to resolve any situations that are not enjoyable to you.

Ask the Trainer: Is there any difference between the concept or experience of "love" and that of "empathy?"

In this book excerpt, Kathleen and Jared offer a path to reach deeper clarity, distinguishing between universal needs and strategies.

Want to expand your needs vocabulary, and build your capacity to identify needs — even when you’ve been triggered? Check out Mary’s powerful teaching on Self-Empathy.

Ask the Trainer: "What guidance do you have for working with enemy images? Can you say some things about processes and/or exercises that can bring relief from this trap?"

We can ask for what we want but if we repeatedly don’t get it from one source, it's our responsibility to find a new way to get it. We don’t honor our relationships when we insist that people who are unavailable or unwilling to support us meet our needs. Read on for related a parable about a woman persistently asking to get milk from a hardware store.

We can't alone (nor with lone communities) transform the hidden structures of violence and domination. Dialogue alone isn't disruptive enough. We can easily be in dialogue with Trump supporters while the planet burns up, millions are still hungry, and we go extinct. NVC seriously risks reinforcing vast inequities and abuses if we're not radically engaging systemic constraints, and impacts of our choices that go beyond our immediate circle. Read on for ways to leverage NVC practices to expand true social change.