NVC Multimedia Library

The Nuts and Bolts of Not Taking Things Personally

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Intermediate Skill Level  •  Article  •  Read time: 12 - 18 minutes
Why is it so difficult to not take things personally? It's because everything reinforces the sense that whatever is being said is indeed about us – both from without and from within. However, we can get better at not taking things personally with a practice of shifting our focus by being open to multiple interpretations, understanding that our reaction is about our own need, and noticing how the other person’s words, no matter how they sound to us, are an expression of their needs. We can then be more present and available to navigate the situation.
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Dissolving Reactivity With Your Partner

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Intermediate Skill Level  •  Article  •  Read time: 3-5 minutes
Most reactivity in intimate relationships comes from a lack of confidence in maintaining intimacy, autonomy, or security. What may help is naming what's happening, interrupting shame, and anchoring or reassuring yourself. You can also reflect on the effects of acting from reactivity. Knowing what helps center you, ask your partner to do or say specific things that might help. Read on for more.
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Healing a Repetitive Reactive Dynamic

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Intermediate Skill Level  •  Article  •  Read time: 3-5 minutes
In healing reactivity try identifying your most common complaints, wishes, or requests. Or when you tend to defend, justify, get angry, or protect. Find the tender needs. You can recall when you experienced deep nourishment of that need. Several times a week nourish your tender needs. Be clear about the strategy to address needs by answering key questions. Read on for more.
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Helping Another Find Willingess

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Intermediate Skill Level  •  Article  •  Read time: 4-6 minutes
Is there someone you wish was more willing? Try guessing what obstacles they might be struggling with. And allow yourself to feel your grief. As you grapple with your own desire for someone to find their willingness, its essential to recognize that this is about you and your needs. You can also express your needs honestly, make requests for how to collaborate, and be responsive to what they want. Read on for more on this, plus four common ways someone’s willingness might be blocked.
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Moving from Fault to Cause: Looking for Systemic Solutions to White Supremacy

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All Skill Levels  •  Article  •  Read time: 13 - 19 minutes
We can see throughout many examples in history that when we look for "who" is at fault, and thereby seek social change through shaming that person (or that group), it tends to lead to disastrous long term consequences. Even if it works in the short term. Instead, if we want to end cycles of violence we can seek to understand systemic causes and context of individuals' behaviour. And from there, look for solutions that stem from this understanding.
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The Radical Act of Reclaiming Attention

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Beginner Skill Level  •  Article  •  Read Time: 5 - 8 minutes
Given all that we are facing today as a society and a species, amongst some of the things we need is a well nourished heart. To nourish our hearts we need to discern where to wisely put our attention. Here are three practices to reclaim your attention, and replenish your reserves, so that you have the inner resources to do the work that is calling you.  They are: train the mind, nourish the heart, and stay connected to purpose.
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Money, Needs, and Resources

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Intermediate Skill Level  •  Article  •  Read time: 9 - 13 minutes
Unless we change our collective ways on the planet, we will one day exceed the earth’s carrying capacity. We can only address the planet's very real limits of physical resources at the level of social organization. To operate empathically is to adjust our collective social order and patterns so that resources are more widely available and everyone's needs are met no matter what their output, income, power, circumstances, etc. Can we envision a future where the system is infused with this level of empathy, before it's too late?
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Holding Dilemmas Together in the Workplace

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All Skill Levels  •  Article  •  Read time: 11 - 16 minutes
When we are transparent about our concerns, brainstorm solutions together, and look towards making a decision with the other person, we can increase understanding, partnership, and mutual support. This invites people to work on the same issue from the same direction, collaboratively seek solutions, and tap a deeper wisdom. In the end, the future survival of our species depends on this kind of active interdependence.
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Equanimity and the Holidays

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Intermediate Skill Level  •  Article  •  Read time: 2-3 minutes
If you're unpleasantly triggered during the holidays you may find yourself responding in ways you don't like. Start by acknowledging how affected you are to bring in more curiosity, mindfulness and eventually, authentic and discerning choices.
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How I Changed My Relationship to Time

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Intermediate Skill Level  •  Article  •  Read time: 8 - 12 minutes
What would happen if you considered that time is a concept, and that it doesn't rule your life? What would it mean to make all choices based on needs and not on time? Do you obey the external rhythm of the clock over and above the internal rhythm of your life energy? This is an invitation into more responsibility, awareness, honesty, choice and freedom.
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