Meeting Our Need for Sexual Expression

Beginner Skill Level  •  Trainer Tip  •  Read time: 1-2 minutes
Trainer Tip: To reduce defensiveness and hurt feelings when talking to your partner about your sexual needs that haven't been met, keep the conversation focused on your needs, not her lack of skill, and make a very specific request. From there, you can both explore any shared needs, blocks, or support needed to bring you both closer to your needs.
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Needs Analysis—an Activity to Uncover Your Strategies

Beginner Skill Level  •  Trainer Tip  •  Read time: 1-2 minutes
Trainer Tip: Find your deepest need. Then notice when you do things, or have done things, that keep you from meeting your most important need. And then take conscious action that is in alignment with the need you want to meet.
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The Power of Being Heard

Beginner Skill Level  •  Trainer Tip  •  Read time: 1-2 minutes

Trainer Tip: To defuse anger and create space for resolution, hear the other person’s feelings and needs. If this practice is new to you, you're like to experience fear and resistance in trying it out. However, you'll be more likely to experience a powerful shift, and build your capacity, if you try it anyways.

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Acknowledging Our Inner Critic

Beginner Skill Level  •  Trainer Tip  •  Read time: 1-2 minutes
Trainer Tip: Our inner critic judges ourselves and other people; and it is the most likely to get scared when we begin to make a change. It holds wisdom for us if we are willing to listen. When we acknowledge our inner critic and empathize with its need, we gain insights into ourselves and we clear the way for resolution.
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Perceiving Reality

Beginner Skill Level  •  Trainer Tip  •  Read time: 1-2 minutes
Trainer Tip: When we try to make another person fit into a reality that we prefer in order to meet our own needs everyone suffers. Instead, bring your focus back to yourself. Notice which of your needs are met or unmet when you spend time with someone. Don’t judge them; just focus on your feelings and needs. Then, decide whether continuing the relationship will meet them
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Doing Something Different

Beginner Skill Level  •  Trainer Tip  •  Read time: 1-2 minutes
Trainer Tip: Commit to doing one thing right now that will bring you closer to meeting a need today. Do it today. Don’t put it off. This is your life.
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Expressing Ourselves Honestly

Introductory Skill Level  •  Trainer Tip  •  Read time: 1-2 minutes
Trainer Tip: Be aware of opportunities to be honest holding the intention to connect with people. If you do this with the elements of brevity, directness, and respect, you can increase your chances of being heard. If they don't like your honesty, consider switching to empathizing with them by listening to their feelings and needs.
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Observing without Judgment

Introductory Skill Level  •  Trainer Tip  •  Read time: 1-2 minutes
Trainer Tip: Today, identify the facts, without adding your ideas about why people behave in certain ways. Then consider connecting with the person about what was going on with them. You will find that the more you observe life without judgment and evaluation, the more open you will be to hearing and connecting with other people.
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Honesty as a Means to Connect

Beginner Skill Level  •  Trainer Tip  •  Read time: 1-2 minutes
Trainer Tip: Notice an opportunity today to use honesty as a means to connect with someone else. Consider what type of honesty might stimulate pain in others.
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It’s All About Please and Thank You

Beginner Skill Level  •  Trainer Tip  •  Read time: 1-2 minutes
Trainer Tip: People’s choice of words may be difficult to hear. In fact, we may feel downright aggravated by them. Whether we enjoy these statements or not, we can begin to recognize that behind each statement is a desire to meet needs, either by saying please or thank you. In this way, we are more likely to feel compassion because we have connected to their humanness. Listen for the please or thank you in your conversations today.
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Connection Central: Nonviolent Communication Articles (NVC)
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