Interdependence vs. Dependence/Independence

Intermediate Skill Level •  Trainer Tip •  Read time: 1-2 minutes
Intermediate Skill Level
Trainer Tip
Read time: 1-2 minutes
Trainer tip: NVC consciousness recognizes interdependence. In this process each person is autonomous; everyone's needs matter; people have choice and responsibility for their actions; there's abundance, and a valuing of coming together. The dependence / independence paradigm assumes we either need someone else to be whole -- or we don’t need others at all. Commit to living autonomously. Notice where you struggle with this.

Life-Alienating Communication

Beginner Skill Level •  Trainer Tip •  Read time: 2-3 minutes
Beginner Skill Level
Trainer Tip
Read time: 2-3 minutes
Trainer tip: Be aware of times when you are judging others, demanding, making comparisons, or denying responsibility for your actions. Notice how these communication patterns affect your connection with other people.

Enjoying the Jackal Show

Beginner Skill Level •  Trainer Tip •  Read time: 2-3 minutes
Beginner Skill Level
Trainer Tip
Read time: 2-3 minutes
Trainer tip: Be aware of your inner jackal chatter today and make a commitment to listen for the underlying needs they are trying to tell you about.

How to Express Feelings

Beginner Skill Level •  Trainer Tip •  Read time: 1-2 minutes
Beginner Skill Level
Trainer Tip
Read time: 1-2 minutes
Trainer tip: Feelings of hurt, anger, fear, and resentment can often sound alike. Fear and excitement have the same physiological effects on us, and are often expressed in the same body language. Clearly and specifically naming our emotions and the intensity level can help us resolve conflicts, with a much greater opportunity to get our needs met.

Defining Enough

Beginner Skill Level •  Trainer Tip •  Read time: 1-2 minutes
Beginner Skill Level
Trainer Tip
Read time: 1-2 minutes
Trainer tip: If you have a goal, want to be a "success", or want to do "your best', define what that would look like, and how much. Identify one goal and one thing you can do today to achieve that goal and do it.

Moralistic Judgments

Introductory Skill Level •  Trainer Tip •  Read time: 1-2 minutes
Introductory Skill Level
Trainer Tip
Read time: 1-2 minutes
Trainer tip: When we express moralistic judgments we are implying that other people are wrong or bad because they don’t act in ways that are in harmony with our values. Judging the situation or people can create distance and hurt. Instead, we can express our needs and how we're affected, bringing greater connection and healing. Today, notice how often you judge, and how you feel when you judge.

Opening to Intimacy

Beginner Skill Level •  Trainer Tip •  Read time: 2-3 minutes
Beginner Skill Level
Trainer Tip
Read time: 2-3 minutes
Trainer tip: Do you have behavioral patterns that block intimacy? When we are feeling our most vulnerable, we often want intimacy but also tend to keep it at bay. Acknowledge your need for intimacy, and find people you can trust to love you as you are.

Connection, Connection, Connection

Beginner Skill Level •  Trainer Tip •  Read time: 2-3 minutes
Beginner Skill Level
Trainer Tip
Read time: 2-3 minutes
Trainer tip: Do you get into “right fights”? You know you’re in one when you’re arguing with somebody in order to be right or because you want to win. What needs do I hope to meet from winning or being right? Notice if you enter into a right fight today and shift your focus to your needs and connecting with the other person's needs.

Differentiating Needs from Strategies

Beginner Skill Level •  Trainer Tip •  Read time: 2-3 minutes
Beginner Skill Level
Trainer Tip
Read time: 2-3 minutes
Trainer tip: When we focus on needs further possibilities are more likely to open up. When we focus on a particular strategy, our world can feel scarce and conflicts can arise. Resolution comes when we value everyone’s needs and seek mutually satisfying solutions. We can ask for support towards this outcome.

Demands vs Requests

Beginner Skill Level •  Trainer Tip •  Read time: 2-3 minutes
Beginner Skill Level
Trainer Tip
Read time: 2-3 minutes
Trainer tip: Demands are more likely to limit the possibilities and create distance between people. The trick to asking something as a request is valuing everyone’s needs equally. When you value everyone’s needs equally, then you are more willing to come to solutions that satisfy everyone. It thus opens possibilities and helps build connection.

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