Setting Boundaries with Reactivity

Intermediate Skill Level •  Article •  Read time: 4-6 minutes
Intermediate Skill Level
Article
Read time: 4-6 minutes
Tolerating reactivity, name-calling, blaming, guilt-tripping, or stonewalling can lead to resentment and hurt. Plus, the more you stay in a reactive dynamic, the more you are likely to reinforce the pattern. Setting life-serving boundaries arund reactivity is about letting another know that you aren’t going to participate in that kinds of dynamics. This means knowing what helps with handling difficulties and asking for that.

How to Set Boundaries Early and Often

Beginner Skill Level •  Article •  Read time: 5-8 minutes
Beginner Skill Level
Article
Read time: 5-8 minutes
Using the example of being met with chronic lateness, here are three steps to setting boundaries early in a dating situation or relationship.

How To Resource In The Expansive Perspective

All Skill Levels •  Article •  Read time: 2-3 minutes
All Skill Levels
Article
Read time: 2-3 minutes
In the face of stress you can find ways to be present for what’s happening, rather than being pulled or pushed around by anxious thoughts or fearful feelings. Here are some strategies to return to and maintain expanded awareness.

How to Stay Calm During a Pandemic

All Skill Levels •  Article •  Read time: 5-8 minutes
All Skill Levels
Article
Read time: 5-8 minutes
As social beings we thrive with social contact and community. Thus, with the social isolation and a loss of routine that happens in a pandemic, there are three critical areas to keep in mind everyday: emotional-physiological regulation, self-empathy for fear and anxiety, and meaningful engagement. Read on for more.

Responding to Anger

Beginner Skill Level •  Article •  Read time: 5-8 minutes
Beginner Skill Level
Article
Read time: 5-8 minutes
When someone wants to speak angrily about another, do you want to move away, try to calm them, argue, set a boundary, or offer empathy? What supports you to stay self connected? You can set boundaries regarding listening so that you're less likely to defend the other party, or attempt to talk your friend down from their judgments, thereby escalating the situation. Disagreements can also ignite curiosity and celebration. Read on for more.

Empathy – Not Empathy

Beginner Skill Level •  Learning Tool •  Read time: 2 - 3 minutes
Beginner Skill Level
Learning Tool
Read time: 2 - 3 minutes
This handout defines and contrasts "empathy" alongside "responses may meet needs, but are not empathy" (such as advice, correcting, consoling, etc).

Requests in a Moment of Reactivity

Beginner Skill Level •  Article •  Read time: 3-5 minutes
Beginner Skill Level
Article
Read time: 3-5 minutes
Here are 16 helpful requests you can make before you're swept up in your own reactivity.

Standing in Your Truth and Setting Boundaries

Intermediate Skill Level •  Article •  Read time: 8-12 minutes
Intermediate Skill Level
Article
Read time: 8-12 minutes
Unhook from a reactive dynamic, by staying with your needs and requests, and release attachment to outcome. Start by shifting your attention from the other person to get clear on what's true for you. Read on for strategies to transform reactivity, possible boundary setting behaviors, typical signs of escalation, and more.

Help for Overwhelm

Intermediate Skill Level •  Article •  Read time: 3-5 minutes
Intermediate Skill Level
Article
Read time: 3-5 minutes
Reducing overwhelm requires you to reconnect with your authentic choice, be present and compassionate with what's happening, heal trauma, and interrupt the trauma response. Read on for ways that may help you reconnect with your choice, presence and more on trauma.

Dissolving Reactivity With Your Partner

Intermediate Skill Level •  Article •  Read time: 3-5 minutes
Intermediate Skill Level
Article
Read time: 3-5 minutes
Most reactivity in intimate relationships comes from a lack of confidence in maintaining intimacy, autonomy, or security. What may help is naming what's happening, interrupting shame, and anchoring or reassuring yourself. You can also reflect on the effects of acting from reactivity. Knowing what helps center you, ask your partner to do or say specific things that might help. Read on for more.

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