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Live NVC Courses: All Skill Levels


With: Eddie Zacapa

Article

2-3 minutes

Often, people don't help others when others are in danger, whether it is a parent who is abusing a child, a man who is battering his wife, someone sexually harassing another, a bully making fun of someone, or a person who is abusing a pet. However, intervening can save lives. And bring enrichment, peace, safety, care, and justice to the world.

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Total inclusion is impossible: inclusion of all can often lead to exclusion of those who can't bear the behaviors of some. Many groups flounder and disintegrate because of too much inclusion. Limited resources and capacities may make it necessary to exclude. Keeping more coherent shared values and strategies may be another reason to place membership conditions so that what appears to be exclusion may give movements a chance to expand.

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How excited do you get about connecting with people who are proving themselves right and who act like they know it all? Do you prefer the company of not-knowers who are in awe of the mystery of life and exploring with humility and innocent curiosity? Masking our vulnerability in not-knowing can point to deep wounds inside us, where perhaps the common denominator is our desire to prove our worth.

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No one on their deathbed wished they worked more. Working is unlikely to bring a meaningful life. And yet greeting friends with survivalist expressions, such as “I'm dead-tired", can feel like affirming our own worth. Taking time off can bring inner spaciousness, ease, rest and consequently time to meet life, to really meet it. Which brings more clarity into the question of what we would like to celebrate on our deathbed.

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Among NVC practitioners, empathy can be superficial. How open are you to being influenced by what others are saying? Do you reflect back and then guard and remain within your position of being right, even as you say otherwise? Only when we're eager to be influenced by what they say can we connect, expand our world and thus, shift the field. Without such openness we fool ourselves into thinking we are truly empathic listeners.

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Much like other asymmetric relationships (such as therapist and client), there are complications related to power dynamics that can arise with any NVC trainer having sex with a participant. For one, there's (counter)transference. And there's potential for things that may not move outside this asymmetric relationship -- such as projections where the participant, and/or the trainer, is guided by un-healed pain of their "inner child".

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Article

4-6 minutes

Even leaders we admire may exhibit behaviors that could be labeled as abusive, at least slightly. This includes not treating followers as equals, using charm, and hiding or twisting truth. In such scenarios a key reason for this is loneliness. If we're using our work and position primarily to gain for appreciation, acknowledgement, and acceptance then we need to examine our own loneliness. We need feedback to keep such conduct in check.

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Article

10 - 15 mins

The question “Is X an evaluation?” (where “X" represents whatever word is under discussion) has taken up some controversy in the NVC network. Often, context changes the meaning and assessment of words (eg. use of the term "domination" as in "You’re trying to dominate me!” vs. “domination societies”). Read on for several questions that can support understanding whether a term is evaluative, and reflect on the results it produces.

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When avoidance coping or positive thinking sidesteps challenges, internal and external injustice and unrest also rises as we sidestep our values and integrity. It leaves us in sadness and distress. What's unacknowledged impacts ourselves and others undesirably. To live nonviolently we need to be in touch with what's real. With resonance we can more likely be with what's true, and trust our resilience and inner alignment.

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With: Miki Kashtan

Article

11 - 16 minutes

Read here about patriarchy as a system, its impact on men and women, how its rooted in separation and control, leading to dominance and submission. Under patriarchy, even men are brutalized. Instead, we can embrace nonviolence to challenge patriarchy and its offspring (eg. capitalism, child trafficking, etc). And to make a lifelong commitment to undo socialization, act within our influence, and work towards liberation of all.
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