We each hold an internal model or set of expectations about how caring and comfort could be accessed in relationship. The ability to reflect upon and challenge our own dominant model of perceptions, beliefs, and behaviors --and to experience discomfort and vulnerability-- is a key feature of "security". If not, an "attachment reactivity" arises -- where sense of insecurity, separateness, and belief that love, and acceptance can't be trusted nor accessed reliably. Thus change would require intensive support. Here's a guide to help you reflect and access change.

Additional Info

  • Date Written/Produced 9/2018
  • Duration Read time: 5 - 8 minutes
  • Premium Members N/A
  • Skill Level Intermediate Skill Level
  • Points 6
  • Multi Trainer Num 1
Published in Articles
An anchor awakens parts of you that can access a bigger perspective. It calms and helps you engage presence for greater access to your skills. Also, it can reduce your reactivity, increase conscious relating, and support self-compassion. An anchor helps you get a little bit bigger than the reactivity you are experiencing so that you can access a wiser discernment. It is simple, and can be done anytime and anywhere. Learn more about how to develop your anchor in self-empathy.

Additional Info

  • Date Written/Produced 4/2019
  • Duration Read time: 5 - 8 minutes
  • Premium Members N/A
  • Skill Level Beginner Skill Level
  • Points 4
  • Multi Trainer Num 1
Published in Articles
There are various ways to be known. Learn how to engage and make clear requests accordingly. This includes getting clear in yourself about what exactly you want known; communicating how important it is to you; sharing examples in your life of being known; requesting and negotiating from the energy of the met need; letting the other person know whether or not the relationship is really sustainable for you if the need goes unmet long-term; and checking the other person's capacity.

Additional Info

  • Date Written/Produced 3/2019
  • Duration Read time: 7 - 12 minutes
  • Premium Members N/A
  • Skill Level Intermediate Skill Level
  • Points 6
  • Multi Trainer Num 1
Published in Articles
Telling yourself to be a certain way or have more of a certain quality (like courage), is a set-up for self-criticism and possibly freezing or avoiding. Instead, access effective action by asking yourself questions like: "If I could be or have that, what actions would be different inside or out?" "If I could be or have that, what needs would be met and knowing those are the needs, what could I do or ask for that would meet those needs?"

Additional Info

  • Date Written/Produced 1/2019
  • Duration Read time: 2 - 4 minutes
  • Premium Members N/A
  • Skill Level Beginner Skill Level
  • Points 2
  • Multi Trainer Num 1
Published in Articles

Listen to this newly remastered audio with seasoned Life Coach and CNVC Certified Trainers Martha Lasley and Dian Killian, to explore how you can "be the change" in your life, to live fully in integrity with your values in your work, community, faith and social action groups.

The introductory session of this course is available for all to listen to and enjoy:

Additional Info

  • Skill Level Intermediate Skill Level
  • Duration 00:51 hours:minutes
  • Production Date 12/2008
  • Premium Members Premium Members
  • Points 3
  • Multi Trainer Num 2
  • Multi Trainer Links Dian Killian and Martha Lasley
Published in Audio
Conversation can become more satisfying with depth. Depth is occurs when connection unfolds towards a depth of intimacy, presence, attunement, sensing -- and silent connection where another is attentively seen and heard. Inviting this level of sharing in conversation relies on at least three major elements: attentive silence, the desire to connect and be known, and focus on present moment experience. Learn more about this way of engaging.

Additional Info

  • Date Written/Produced 6/2018
  • Duration Read time: 3 - 5 minutes
  • Premium Members N/A
  • Skill Level Beginner Skill Level
  • Points 2
  • Multi Trainer Num 1
Published in Articles
How is trust best supported? Do you know what you do to contribute to making it easier or more difficult for others to express the truth (even in the most mundane moments)? Smaller requests can also built trust over time if they're rooted in the present moment, and are specific enough. Learn more about building trust...

Additional Info

  • Date Written/Produced 8/2011
  • Duration Read time: 3 - 5 minutes
  • Premium Members N/A
  • Skill Level Intermediate Skill Level
  • Points 4
  • Multi Trainer Num 1
Published in Articles
Trainer Tip: When we love a child there's a contribution we can provide in helping them go their own way successfully, in big ways and small.

Additional Info

  • Date Written/Produced 10/2005
  • Duration Read time: 1-2 minutes
  • Premium Members N/A
  • Skill Level Beginner Skill Level
  • Points 2
  • Multi Trainer Num 1
Published in Trainer Tips
What's the real reason you choose to talk about something or not? "Privacy" can become a misplaced label that's used to hide harmful behaviour. Secrets typically come from reactivity -- and can carry shame, fear or threat of harm, and take a toll. And yet, if something private gets mislabeled as a "secret" it can also trigger shame and fear. The key to all this may be in relating to privacy from a place of clear differentiation, boundaries, agency, care and discernment.

Additional Info

  • Date Written/Produced 9/2018
  • Duration Read time: 3 - 5 minutes
  • Premium Members N/A
  • Skill Level Intermediate Skill Level
  • Points 2
  • Multi Trainer Num 1
Published in Articles
When Anita's sister reveals that the Ku Klux Klan broke into her home and dragged her out into a field towards a burning cross, Anita's commitment to nonviolence is challenged. Here, Miki highlights practices and lessons from her story of inner struggle -- including an insight about how, even in extreme polarization, our freedom and healing is wrapped up in others' freedom and healing.

Additional Info

  • Date Written/Produced 11/2017
  • Duration Read time: 14 - 21 minutes
  • Premium Members N/A
  • Skill Level Intermediate Skill Level
  • Points 12
  • Multi Trainer Num 1
Published in Articles
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Connection Central: Nonviolent Communication Articles (NVC)
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