Finding Worthiness and Belonging

All Skill Levels •  Article •  Read time: 4 - 6 minutes
All Skill Levels
Article
Read time: 4 - 6 minutes
Worthlessness and shame are linked to the idea of not belonging or being unworthy of belonging -- that is, a deep sense of belonging to life, to your sense of self, and to our earth. Compensatory strategies to win worthiness and belonging arise from here and effectively block the very thing it is pursuing. Transformation occurs when there is a critical mass of clarity about the harm of a particular way of thinking and behaving.

Grounded Responses for Challenging Comments

Beginner Skill Level •  Article •  Read time: 3 - 5 minutes
Beginner Skill Level
Article
Read time: 3 - 5 minutes
When someone responds with painful sarcasm, criticism, or dismissal you can respond with empathy, or with clarity about your intention, need and request. If you're unable to do this, later you can privately write what they said, identify the feelings and needs of both of you, then write possible responses. This can help you remember to stay with your intention and what’s true for you without getting caught in defensiveness or reactivity.

How To Interrupt Tragic Cycles That Prevent Collaboration

Beginner Skill Level •  Article •  Read time: 6 - 9 minutes
Beginner Skill Level
Article
Read time: 6 - 9 minutes
Interrupt cycles of conflict by creating a new ways forward. You can do this by connecting with the energy of the met needs you want in the dynamic; guessing the other person's needs; naming your needs; asking essential questions; identifying at least three different strategies to meet each need; and imagining the positive outcome.

Making Requests for Respect

Beginner Skill Level •  Article •  Read time: 3 - 5 minutes
Beginner Skill Level
Article
Read time: 3 - 5 minutes
When asking for respect it helps to first get clear about your interpretations of other's behavior. You can do this by asking about the other's intentions before believing your thoughts. You can also make a clear request for what specifically you want to see happen instead. Read on for more.

3 Key Principles for Successful Needs Based Negotiation

Beginner Skill Level •  Article •  Read time: 5-7 minutes
Beginner Skill Level
Article
Read time: 5-7 minutes
There are many layers of consciousness, knowledge, and skill that contribute to a successful negotiation. A successful negotiation is one where honor and connection lead to a way forward, and leads to a plan of action that considers and meets everyone's needs in that situation. Read on for three fundamental principles that help with successful needs-based negotiation.

Free Your Heart From the "Difficult" Person

Beginner Skill Level •  Article •  Read time: 6-9 minutes
Beginner Skill Level
Article
Read time: 6-9 minutes
Reacting is deciding what to do based on what someone else does. Responding is deciding what to do based on your own needs and values. When someone isn't responding the way you want, and you want to respond in a way that embodies your values, with warmth and patience, examine your reactions. Ask yourself how you can access compassion and action that contributes to the well-being of all.

Staying Self-Connected in a Challenging Dialogue

Beginner Skill Level •  Article •  Read time: 6-9 minutes
Beginner Skill Level
Article
Read time: 6-9 minutes
When we're judging we're less able to access both what we care about and constructive next actions. Instead, create more internal space and agency starting with connecting to your feelings and needs; then feel your grief or disappointment; followed by getting curious about the other party's needs and context -- and then based on collective needs and the long term effects make requests or take aligned action that works for all.

3 Strategies for Working With Worry

Beginner Skill Level •  Article •  Read time: 4-6 minutes
Beginner Skill Level
Article
Read time: 4-6 minutes
Follow worry to the underlying universal need and discern wise action. To get there, we can try out prayer, wishes, savoring the need, or compassionate witnessing. If you notice and name the aspects of worry continuously, the compassionate witnessing practice will interrupt the habitual spinning of worry-filled stories. There are at least six things you can witness with curiosity. Read on for more.

Grief and Mourning for the World

Beginner Skill Level •  Article •  Read time: 5-7 minutes
Beginner Skill Level
Article
Read time: 5-7 minutes
As you witness injustices in the world, tension, anger, hopelessness, despair and more, may rise up in you. These feelings may lead to reactive thinking that doesn't contribute to healing nor wise action. Mourning is a universal need. If your culture pushed away grief and its emotional expression, you may have habits that block your access to the aliveness of grief. Read on for ways to give grief the space and support it needs.

Finding Agency and Seeing Shame

Intermediate Skill Level •  Article •  Read time: 3-5 minutes
Intermediate Skill Level
Article
Read time: 3-5 minutes
The ability to identify your needs and take effective action to meet them is one way to define agency. Access to agency is complex and varies widely from person to person. Access to agency depends upon a variety of conditions. For example, if you struggle with agency, shame may tell you that you're broken in some way. If agency comes easily in an area, then you may view others who struggle with it, as lazy or stubborn. Read on for more.

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