Misunderstandings can be painful. We can easily avoid this by checking what the other person understood from what we said, and ask the other person to do the same. Doing this is especially important when it comes to planning, shared decision-making, and when emotions are strong. Also, the more someone knows you, the more they think they already know what you mean -- which can get in the way of really hearing you. Here are a variety of ways to approach this simple strategy.

Additional Info

  • Date Written/Produced 8/2019
  • Duration Read time: 2-3 minutes
  • Premium Members N/A
  • Skill Level Beginner Skill Level
  • Points 2
  • Multi Trainer Num 1
Published in Articles
Effective and connected dialogue requires significant self-awareness, mindfulness, and skill. You can focus on any of these six areas that most often escape your awareness: anchoring and staying grounded; boundaries; thoughts and beliefs; stuckness or attachment; feelings and needs; and requests. Read on for a list of questions to help you focus on how to do that.

Additional Info

  • Date Written/Produced 1/2019
  • Duration Read time: 3-5 minutes
  • Premium Members N/A
  • Skill Level Beginner Skill Level
  • Points 4
  • Multi Trainer Num 1
Published in Articles
In general, criticism is a reactive response discomfort. When someone criticizes, they are not yet able or willing take responsibility for their needs. All criticism is a tragic expression of feelings and unmet needs. When you meet that criticism skillfully you not only care for yourself, you can facilitate clarity, and constructive communication, about what the other person is truly asking for.

Additional Info

  • Date Written/Produced 5/2019
  • Duration Read time: 7 - 11 minutes
  • Premium Members N/A
  • Skill Level Intermediate Skill Level
  • Points 6
  • Multi Trainer Num 1
Published in Articles
Finding your power in seemingly powerless situations doesn't mean denying what happened, your feelings, your needs, nor the behavior of others that didn't meet needs. It does mean reexamining those situations with the intention to compassionately look for your contribution and for clues to your hidden perceptual biases. Read on to learn about about finding these clues, and more.

Additional Info

  • Date Written/Produced 6/2018
  • Duration Read time: 4-6 minutes
  • Premium Members N/A
  • Skill Level Intermediate Skill Level
  • Points 4
  • Multi Trainer Num 1
Published in Articles
For each reactive pattern there is a perceived threat to a tender need. Knowing these tender needs helps us figure out how to interrupt these patterns and creating new ways of perceiving and relating to life. In addition to knowing the need, knowing the healing response and the primary reactive behavior helps with transformation.

Additional Info

  • Date Written/Produced 2/2018
  • Duration Read time: 6-9 minutes
  • Premium Members N/A
  • Skill Level Intermediate Skill Level
  • Points 4
  • Multi Trainer Num 1
Published in Articles
If you're stuck when making a decision with someone, it's likely that you've skipped hearing and connecting to one another's needs. Slow down and listen for what's really important underneath the content. This allows you to make decisions that are more fulfilling and harmonious.

Additional Info

  • Date Written/Produced 1/2018
  • Duration Read time: 2-3 minutes
  • Premium Members N/A
  • Skill Level Intermediate Skill Level
  • Points 6
  • Multi Trainer Num 1
Published in Articles
Some arguments stay stuck because each person thinks it's about the content of the argument, rather than the needs each person is attempting to protect. When the needs get attached to the strategies a "no way out" scenario gets created. Instead, fully step into one another's worlds and connect to the feelings and needs behind the strategy each party is putting forth. Read on for six elements to creating empathic connection.

Additional Info

  • Date Written/Produced 8/2018
  • Duration Read time: 3-5 minutes
  • Premium Members N/A
  • Skill Level Beginner Skill Level
  • Points 2
  • Multi Trainer Num 1
Published in Articles
For this practice assume that reactivity is arising any time you are distracted and not enjoying something. Practice throughout the day by focusing for a few moments on something specific that you find pleasing. Notice the sensation of joy or pleasure in your body, and hold attention there longer than usual. This interrupts tension and contraction. Keep remembering to do this. When you go too long without directing your attention in this way, the practice becomes less accessible.

Additional Info

  • Date Written/Produced 3/2019
  • Duration Read time: 3 - 5 minutes
  • Premium Members N/A
  • Skill Level Beginner Skill Level
  • Points 2
  • Multi Trainer Num 1
Published in Articles
There are three things you can do to sort inner conflict and make doable, sustainable agreements with yourself. This capacity can build trust with yourself to follow through, and to develop diverse and creative solutions -- thereby increasing confidence and ease.

Additional Info

  • Date Written/Produced 4/2019
  • Duration Read time: 4 - 6 minutes
  • Premium Members N/A
  • Skill Level Intermediate Skill Level
  • Points 4
  • Multi Trainer Num 1
Published in Articles
We each hold an internal model or set of expectations about how caring and comfort could be accessed in relationship. The ability to reflect upon and challenge our own dominant model of perceptions, beliefs, and behaviors --and to experience discomfort and vulnerability-- is a key feature of "security". If not, an "attachment reactivity" arises -- where sense of insecurity, separateness, and belief that love, and acceptance can't be trusted nor accessed reliably. Thus change would require intensive support. Here's a guide to help you reflect and access change.

Additional Info

  • Date Written/Produced 9/2018
  • Duration Read time: 5 - 8 minutes
  • Premium Members N/A
  • Skill Level Intermediate Skill Level
  • Points 6
  • Multi Trainer Num 1
Published in Articles
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Connection Central: Nonviolent Communication Articles (NVC)
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