Four Ways to Hear Any Message

Trainer Tip •  1 - 2 minutes
Beginner Skill Level
Trainer Tip
1 - 2 minutes

Trainer tip: In every interaction, we have a choice of responding in one of these four ways: judge/blame self, Judge/blame others, empathize with self, and/or empathize with others. The goal is to make a conscious choice about our response. Notice the choices you have when you receive someone’s communication today.


Hearing the Yes behind the No

Trainer Tip •  1 - 2 minutes
Introductory Skill Level
Trainer Tip
1 - 2 minutes

Trainer tip: It's often easy for us to hear rejection when someone says “no” to us. If we focus on the rejection, we may feel hurt and fail to take the time to understand what is going on with them. However, if we focus on their feelings and needs, we're more likely to uncover what they want and what prevents them. To increase success in resolving conflicts and find solutions that work for everyone, hear the “yes” behind their "no".


Saying Thank You without Judgment

Trainer Tip •  1 - 2 minutes
Beginner Skill Level
Trainer Tip
1 - 2 minutes

Trainer tip: From the NVC perspective, everything someone says or does is either a “please” or a “thank you". In our culture, saying “thank you” usually involves an appreciation in the form of judgment or evaluation. Remember, whether we judge someone as good or bad, judgments and evaluations can create disconnect or tension. Instead, notice how their actions have enriched life, and what feelings it stimulated.


Interdependence vs. Dependence/Independence

Trainer Tip •  1 - 2 minutes
Intermediate Skill Level
Trainer Tip
1 - 2 minutes

Trainer tip: NVC consciousness recognizes interdependence. In this process each person is autonomous; everyone's needs matter; people have choice and responsibility for their actions; there's abundance, and a valuing of coming together. The dependence / independence paradigm assumes we either need someone else to be whole -- or we don’t need others at all. Commit to living autonomously. Notice where you struggle with this.


Life-Alienating Communication

Trainer Tip •  2 - 3 minutes
Beginner Skill Level
Trainer Tip
2 - 3 minutes

Trainer tip: Be aware of times when you are judging others, demanding, making comparisons, or denying responsibility for your actions. Notice how these communication patterns affect your connection with other people.


Enjoying the Jackal Show

Trainer Tip •  2 - 3 minutes
Beginner Skill Level
Trainer Tip
2 - 3 minutes

Trainer tip: Be aware of your inner jackal chatter today and make a commitment to listen for the underlying needs they are trying to tell you about.


How to Express Feelings

Trainer Tip •  1 - 2 minutes
Beginner Skill Level
Trainer Tip
1 - 2 minutes

Trainer tip: Feelings of hurt, anger, fear, and resentment can often sound alike. Fear and excitement have the same physiological effects on us, and are often expressed in the same body language. Clearly and specifically naming our emotions and the intensity level can help us resolve conflicts, with a much greater opportunity to get our needs met.


Defining Enough

Trainer Tip •  1 - 2 minutes
Beginner Skill Level
Trainer Tip
1 - 2 minutes

Trainer tip: If you have a goal, want to be a "success", or want to do "your best', define what that would look like, and how much. Identify one goal and one thing you can do today to achieve that goal and do it.


Moralistic Judgments

Trainer Tip •  1 - 2 minutes
Introductory Skill Level
Trainer Tip
1 - 2 minutes

Trainer tip: When we express moralistic judgments we are implying that other people are wrong or bad because they don’t act in ways that are in harmony with our values. Judging the situation or people can create distance and hurt. Instead, we can express our needs and how we're affected, bringing greater connection and healing. Today, notice how often you judge, and how you feel when you judge.


Opening to Intimacy

Trainer Tip •  2 - 3 minutes
Beginner Skill Level
Trainer Tip
2 - 3 minutes

Trainer tip: Do you have behavioral patterns that block intimacy? When we are feeling our most vulnerable, we often want intimacy but also tend to keep it at bay. Acknowledge your need for intimacy, and find people you can trust to love you as you are.


 
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