Library Resources with defensiveness

When someone expresses upset about our actions, and we focus on our intention being seen and understood (e.g. "I didn’t mean to hurt you”) it doesn't support the speaker in being heard more deeply with care. Here we'll explore this dynamic in a way that supports more clarity and the possibility of greater personal liberation. Read on for more.

Additional Info

  • Skill Level Advanced Skill Level
  • Duration Read time: 12 - 18 minutes
  • Production Date 08/2013
  • Premium Members N/A
  • Points 8
  • Multi Trainer Num 1
Published in Articles
Why is it so difficult to not take things personally? It's because everything reinforces the sense that whatever is being said is indeed about us – both from without and from within. However, we can get better at not taking things personally with a practice of shifting our focus by being open to multiple interpretations, understanding that our reaction is about our own need, and noticing how the other person’s words, no matter how they sound to us, are an expression of their needs. We can then be more present and available to navigate the situation.

Additional Info

  • Skill Level Intermediate Skill Level
  • Duration Read time: 12 - 18 minutes
  • Production Date 02/2013
  • Premium Members N/A
  • Points 8
  • Multi Trainer Num 1
Published in Articles
Trainer Tip: To reduce defensiveness and hurt feelings when talking to your partner about your sexual needs that haven't been met, keep the conversation focused on your needs, not her lack of skill, and make a very specific request. From there, you can both explore any shared needs, blocks, or support needed to bring you both closer to your needs.

Additional Info

  • Skill Level Beginner Skill Level
  • Duration Read time: 1-2 minutes
  • Production Date 10/2005
  • Premium Members N/A
  • Points 2
  • Multi Trainer Num 1
Published in Trainer Tips
A big part of why receiving feedback is so challenging is because so few people around us know how to give feedback untainted with criticism, judgment, or our personal upset. But, if we wait for others to offer us usable, digestible, manageable feedback, we will not likely receive sufficient feedback for our growth and learning. Instead, we can grow in our capacity to fish the pearl that’s buried within. Here are three specific suggestions for how.

Additional Info

  • Skill Level All Skill Levels
  • Duration Read time: 5 - 7 minutes
  • Production Date 05/2010
  • Premium Members N/A
  • Points 4
  • Multi Trainer Num 1
Published in Articles
Listening is a cornerstone of dialogue and a powerful metaphor for spiritual practice. When we’re willing and able to listen, we open a conduit that allows connection and understanding to happen.

Additional Info

  • Skill Level All Skill Levels
  • Duration Read Time: 3 - 5 minutes
  • Production Date 01/2018
  • Premium Members n/a
  • Points 4
  • Multi Trainer Num 1
Published in Articles

Sometimes there are moments when empathy has no effect at all on one another.  Why?  One reason could be that our brains might be less receptive because of unseen forces that affect our nervous system and relationship with others.

Additional Info

  • Skill Level Intermediate Skill Level
  • Duration Read Time: 10 - 15 minutes
  • Production Date 11/2017
  • Premium Members N/A
  • Points 4
  • Multi Trainer Num 1
Published in Articles
When we don't like what someone is saying to us, sometimes people encourage us to hear their needs, and "not take it personally" -- and we're inclined to agree.  Could "not taking it personally" close our hearts and awareness to others, life and ourselves?  Rachelle Lamb invites us to take a closer look at what it's like when we attend to the situation from our hearts, and skillfully reflect upon our actions with tenderness.

Additional Info

  • Skill Level All Skill Levels
  • Duration Read time: 10 - 15 minutes
  • Production Date 04/2018
  • Premium Members n/a
  • Points 10
  • Multi Trainer Num 1
Published in Articles

Sometimes there are moments when empathy has no effect at all on one another.  Why?  One reason could be that our brains maybe less receptive because of unseen forces that affect our nervous system and relationship to others...

Additional Info

  • Skill Level Intermediate Skill Level
  • Duration 3 - 5 minutes
  • Production Date 10/20/2017
  • Premium Members N/A
  • Points 4
  • Multi Trainer Num 1
Published in Articles
 
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