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Library Resources with parenting

Beginner Skill Level

Trainer Tip

1 - 2 minutes

Trainer Tip: When we love a child there's a contribution we can provide in helping them go their own way successfully, in big ways and small.

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Intermediate Skill Level

Trainer Tip

8 minutes

Ask the Trainer: For many years I have been using crime and punishment (reward and consequences) to discipline because it was the only thing I knew. I knew deep in my heart it was alienating me...

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Intermediate Skill Level

Trainer Tip

9 minutes

Ask the Trainer: Can you help me connect with my needs behind the protective use of force I use with my children?

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Beginner Skill level

Trainer Tip

2 - 3 minutes

Trainer Tip: When they say "no", acknowledge what people are saying "yes" to. From there, you persist towards a resolution that values both party's needs, without demand. Persisting is when we try to meet needs by continuing to connect with another. Demanding is when we insist someone do something, or else face negative repercussions. Showing care and willingness to work with people can help them to want to collaborate and resolve conflict.

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Beginner Skill level

Trainer Tip

1 - 2 minutes

Trainer Tip: Wanting collaboration? Show you value the other person's needs as much as your own. After you both feel heard, you can make joint decisions about specifics of the agreement, such as "division of work", "scope of project", "when the action will take place", "how it'll be done" and "timing of follow up to see how things went". Read on for an example of how this is applied to asking someone to pitch in with doing chores.

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Beginner Skill level

Trainer Tip

1 - 2 minutes

Trainer Tip: Notice when you're tempted to wield physical, emotional, and intellectual power to get your children to do what you want. This coercion or force may bring short term ease, but long term it can be counterproductive. Ask yourself “What do I want my child to do?” and “What do I want my child’s reasons for doing it to be?”. Then consider ways to help them connect to their intrinsic motivation for doing it.

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Beginner Skill level

Trainer Tip

1 - 2 minutes

Trainer Tip: The better you connect with your child’s needs, the more you will defuse the power struggle. If he wants to behave in a way you don't like, start by understanding what's going on with him by making empathic guesses. Doing this out loud can expand your child’s emotional vocabulary and show that his needs matter to you, and build his trust. Once you learn what's going on with him, create a strategy that values both your needs.

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Intermediate Skill Level

Video

14 minutes

Inbal offers parents and anyone with children in their life a lucid discussion of the important role self-empathy plays in creating healthy, supportive relationships.

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Beginner Skill Level

Video

9 minutes

Inbal clarifies the difference between needs and strategies, and why the distinction is important in our parenting role. She offers two questions to ask yourself if you're not certain whether something is a need or strategy.

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Beginner Skill Level

Video

15 minutes

Using her own and participants' examples, Inbal illuminates parents on where they might be struggling with connecting to their children's needs, especially in situations where the children are responding to the parent's request.

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