Library Resources with reactivity

What we refer to as "selfishness" is action taken without concern for the impact or cost of that action. Self-responsibility, on the other hand, includes actively living from the truth of interdependence, care for your and others needs, thriving of all, and more. We can access clarity of self care when we have open flexibility, curiosity, and responsiveness. Read on for more on the indicators and attributes of each of these distinctions.

Additional Info

  • Skill Level All Skill Levels
  • Duration Read time: 6 - 9 minutes
  • Production Date 11/2020
  • Premium Members N/A
  • Points 3
  • Multi Trainer Num 1
Published in Articles
In times of stress, some part of you may still hold the belief that you can't be present for the stressor and survive. Some part of you may believe you have to go away. There are three things you can consider when attempting to intervene with the reactive pattern of shutting down: how you relate to the shutting down, access to self-confidence, and engagement. Read on for more.

Additional Info

  • Skill Level All Skill Levels
  • Duration Read time: 3- 5 minutes
  • Production Date 09/2020
  • Premium Members N/A
  • Points 1
  • Multi Trainer Num 1
Published in Articles
Interrupt cycles of conflict by creating a new ways forward. You can do this by connecting with the energy of the met needs you want in the dynamic; guessing the other person's needs; naming your needs; asking essential questions; identifying at least three different strategies to meet each need; and imagining the positive outcome.

Additional Info

  • Skill Level Beginner Skill Level
  • Duration Read time: 6 - 9 minutes
  • Production Date 12/2020
  • Premium Members N/A
  • Points 2
  • Multi Trainer Num 1
Published in Articles
What can you do to move towards connection when you you sense reactivity, defense, withdrawal or conflict arising? You can make a connection request, check the congruence between your body language and your words, and get curious about the impact of your actions. When you've tried everything you could also acknowledge that something is off, and choose to come back together when both parties have had time to reflect. Read on for more.

Additional Info

  • Skill Level Beginner Skill Level
  • Duration Read time: 4 - 6 minutes
  • Production Date 03/2020
  • Premium Members N/A
  • Points 1
  • Multi Trainer Num 1
Published in Articles
As you witness injustices in the world, tension, anger, hopelessness, despair and more, may rise up in you. These feelings may lead to reactive thinking that doesn't contribute to healing nor wise action. Mourning is a universal need. If your culture pushed away grief and its emotional expression, you may have habits that block your access to the aliveness of grief. Read on for ways to give grief the space and support it needs.

Additional Info

  • Skill Level Beginner Skill Level
  • Duration Read time: 5-7 minutes
  • Production Date 10/2020
  • Premium Members N/A
  • Points 2
  • Multi Trainer Num 1
Published in Articles
Little negative impacts can become big when left unattended. Watch for things like using a sharp tone, choosing not to share something, going along with something when you don’t really want to, trying to convince your partner, impulsively turning away, shrinking, losing access to parts of yourself, hiding, daydreaming about a different life, and judgmental thoughts. Instead, shift the dynamic: take responsibility, provide empathy, and commit to change.

Additional Info

  • Skill Level Advanced Skill Level
  • Duration Read time: 4-6 minutes
  • Production Date 05/2019
  • Premium Members N/A
  • Points 2
  • Multi Trainer Num 1
Published in Articles
Subtle boundary violations are more difficult to catch and name in the moment, than obvious boundary violations. Becoming more aware of these moments and finding the words to set a boundary are critical to supporting healthy relating long-term. Three categories of subtle boundary violations are (1.) lack of mutuality, (2.) voice tone and volume, and (3.) speaking for or about someone. Read on to learn more about all three.

Additional Info

  • Skill Level Applied NVC
  • Duration Read time: 7-11 minutes
  • Production Date 12/2017
  • Premium Members N/A
  • Points 3
  • Multi Trainer Num 1
Published in Articles

Trainer Tip: Here are some options for tense moments in conversations: try a "redo", understand and recognize your habits, pause to regroup, empathize with the person so they feel heard, check your mind frame before speaking, and name some appreciations about one another.

Additional Info

  • Skill Level Beginner Skill Level
  • Duration 2 - 3 minutes
  • Production Date 4/2020
  • Premium Members

    N/A

  • Points 2
  • Multi Trainer Num 1
Published in Trainer Tips
There's reactive anger - the sudden outbursts of words, temper or action that create a nervous system response in another. And then there's the anger that's a reaction to someone's anger -- a nervous system startle-response. Instead of either of these, we can learn to heal with empathy, look for unequal power dynamics, take responsibility to make repairs, and shift into the clean, life-serving, fully expressed anger and love.

Additional Info

  • Skill Level Intermediate Skill Level
  • Duration Read Time: 6 - 9 minutes
  • Production Date 10/2015
  • Premium Members N/A
  • Points 2
  • Multi Trainer Num 1
Published in Articles
Mid-conversation you may find yourself sliding into defending, shutting down, attacking, or blaming. Here's a list of possible emergency interventions that can help slow down escalation and return you to connection.

Additional Info

  • Skill Level Beginner Skill Level
  • Duration Read time: 2-3 minutes
  • Production Date 11/2019
  • Premium Members N/A
  • Points 1
  • Multi Trainer Num 1
Published in Articles
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