Library Resources with reactivity

As you witness injustices in the world, tension, anger, hopelessness, despair and more, may rise up in you. These feelings may lead to reactive thinking that doesn't contribute to healing nor wise action. Mourning is a universal need. If your culture pushed away grief and its emotional expression, you may have habits that block your access to the aliveness of grief. Read on for ways to give grief the space and support it needs.

Additional Info

  • Skill Level Beginner Skill Level
  • Duration Read time: 5-7 minutes
  • Production Date 10/2020
  • Premium Members N/A
  • Points 2
  • Multi Trainer Num 1
Published in Articles
Little negative impacts can become big when left unattended. Watch for things like using a sharp tone, choosing not to share something, going along with something when you don’t really want to, trying to convince your partner, impulsively turning away, shrinking, losing access to parts of yourself, hiding, daydreaming about a different life, and judgmental thoughts. Instead, shift the dynamic: take responsibility, provide empathy, and commit to change.

Additional Info

  • Skill Level Advanced Skill Level
  • Duration Read time: 4-6 minutes
  • Production Date 05/2019
  • Premium Members N/A
  • Points 2
  • Multi Trainer Num 1
Published in Articles
Subtle boundary violations are more difficult to catch and name in the moment, than obvious boundary violations. Becoming more aware of these moments and finding the words to set a boundary are critical to supporting healthy relating long-term. Three categories of subtle boundary violations are (1.) lack of mutuality, (2.) voice tone and volume, and (3.) speaking for or about someone. Read on to learn more about all three.

Additional Info

  • Skill Level Applied NVC
  • Duration Read time: 7-11 minutes
  • Production Date 12/2017
  • Premium Members N/A
  • Points 3
  • Multi Trainer Num 1
Published in Articles
Trainer Tip: Here are some options for tense moments in conversations: try a "redo", understand and recognize your habits, pause to regroup, empathize with the person so they feel heard, check your mind frame before speaking, and name some appreciations about one another.

Additional Info

  • Skill Level Beginner Skill Level
  • Duration Read time: 2 - 3 minutes
  • Production Date 4/2020
  • Premium Members N/A
  • Points 2
  • Multi Trainer Num 1
Published in Trainer Tips
There's reactive anger - the sudden outbursts of words, temper or action that create a nervous system response in another. And then there's the anger that's a reaction to someone's anger -- a nervous system startle-response. Instead of either of these, we can learn to heal with empathy, look for unequal power dynamics, take responsibility to make repairs, and shift into the clean, life-serving, fully expressed anger and love.

Additional Info

  • Skill Level Intermediate Skill Level
  • Duration Read Time: 6 - 9 minutes
  • Production Date 10/2015
  • Premium Members N/A
  • Points 2
  • Multi Trainer Num 1
Published in Articles
Mid-conversation you may find yourself sliding into defending, shutting down, attacking, or blaming. Here's a list of possible emergency interventions that can help slow down escalation and return you to connection.

Additional Info

  • Skill Level Beginner Skill Level
  • Duration Read time: 2-3 minutes
  • Production Date 11/2019
  • Premium Members N/A
  • Points 1
  • Multi Trainer Num 1
Published in Articles
Tolerating reactivity, name-calling, blaming, guilt-tripping, or stonewalling can lead to resentment and hurt. Plus, the more you stay in a reactive dynamic, the more you are likely to reinforce the pattern. Setting life-serving boundaries arund reactivity is about letting another know that you aren’t going to participate in that kinds of dynamics. This means knowing what helps with handling difficulties and asking for that.

Additional Info

  • Skill Level Intermediate Skill Level
  • Duration Read time: 4-6 minutes
  • Production Date 12/2019
  • Premium Members N/A
  • Points 1
  • Multi Trainer Num 1
Published in Articles
In the face of stress you can find ways to be present for what’s happening, rather than being pulled or pushed around by anxious thoughts or fearful feelings. Here are some strategies to return to and maintain expanded awareness.

Additional Info

  • Skill Level All Skill Levels
  • Duration Read time: 2-3 minutes
  • Production Date 04/2020
  • Premium Members N/A
  • Points 1
  • Multi Trainer Num 1
Published in Articles
When someone wants to speak angrily about another, do you want to move away, try to calm them, argue, set a boundary, or offer empathy? What supports you to stay self connected? You can set boundaries regarding listening so that you're less likely to defend the other party, or attempt to talk your friend down from their judgments, thereby escalating the situation. Disagreements can also ignite curiosity and celebration. Read on for more.

Additional Info

  • Skill Level Beginner Skill Level
  • Duration Read time: 5-8 minutes
  • Production Date 05/2018
  • Premium Members N/A
  • Points 2
  • Multi Trainer Num 1
Published in Articles
Here are 16 helpful requests you can make before you're swept up in your own reactivity.

Additional Info

  • Skill Level Beginner Skill Level
  • Duration Read time: 3-5 minutes
  • Production Date 05/2019
  • Premium Members N/A
  • Points 1
  • Multi Trainer Num 1
Published in Articles
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