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Library Resources with reactivity

Intermediate Skill Level

Article

3-5 minutes

In healing reactivity try identifying your most common complaints, wishes, or requests. Or when you tend to defend, justify, get angry, or protect. Find the tender needs. You can recall when you experienced deep nourishment of that need. Several times a week nourish your tender needs. Be clear about the strategy to address needs by answering key questions. Read on for more.

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Intermediate Skill Level

Article

5 - 8 minutes

We each hold an internal model or set of expectations about how caring and comfort could be accessed in relationship. The ability to reflect upon and challenge our own dominant model of perceptions, beliefs, and behaviors --and to experience discomfort and vulnerability-- is a key feature of "security". If not, an "attachment reactivity" arises -- where sense of insecurity, separateness, and belief that love, and acceptance can't be trusted nor accessed reliably. Thus change would require intensive support. Here's a guide to help you reflect and access change.

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With: Miki Kashtan

Intermediate Skill Level

Article

14 - 21 minutes

When Anita's sister reveals that the Ku Klux Klan broke into her home and dragged her out into a field towards a burning cross, Anita's commitment to nonviolence is challenged. Here, Miki highlights practices and lessons from her story of inner struggle -- including an insight about how, even in extreme polarization, our freedom and healing is wrapped up in others' freedom and healing.

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With: Miki Kashtan

Intermediate Skill Level

Article

13 - 19 minutes

When we have an inner conflict, how can we bring ourselves closer where we want to be? Miki explains about how we can deepen our self understanding in a way that can transform our own reactivity, urges, and false either/or views -- so that we can bring in more presence, choice, and options.

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With: Sarah Peyton

Intermediate Skill Level

Article

10 - 15 minutes

Sometimes there are moments when empathy has no effect at all on one another.  Why?  One reason could be that our brains might be less receptive because of unseen forces that affect our nervous system and relationship with others.

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With: Sarah Peyton

Intermediate Skill Level

Article

3 - 5 minutes

Sometimes there are moments when empathy has no effect at all on one another.  Why?  One reason could be that our brains maybe less receptive because of unseen forces that affect our nervous system and relationship to others...

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Subtle boundary violations are more difficult to catch and name in the moment, than obvious boundary violations. Becoming more aware of these moments and finding the words to set a boundary are critical to supporting healthy relating long-term. Three categories of subtle boundary violations are (1.) lack of mutuality, (2.) voice tone and volume, and (3.) speaking for or about someone. Read on to learn more about all three.

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To help you stay connected to yourself and the other person when in challenging discussions about COVID-19 vaccines or other hot issues, without labeling others as reactive or otherwise, you can begin by tracking signs of your own reactivity to bring mindfulness onboard, then shifting your attention to universal needs; and asking to connect about it later. Read on for more.

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Intermediate Skill Level

Article

9-13 minutes

Transform arguments with these steps: take responsibility for your mind, increase your capacity for discomfort, slow down, show up and remember your values, offer understanding, take risks, and speak from your heart. Learning new skills takes time, energy and effort. However, it’s entirely possible to radically shift the way we communicate. The key is patience, persistence, and taking it one step at a time.

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To shift reactivity by moving yourself from the position of experiencer to observer, name what’s happening. This can help you access other skills for managing reactivity. Also, create a strong emotional anchor.

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