Library Resources with reactivity

Mid-conversation you may find yourself sliding into defending, shutting down, attacking, or blaming. Here's a list of possible emergency interventions that can help slow down escalation and return you to connection.

Additional Info

  • Skill Level Beginner Skill Level
  • Duration Read time: 2-3 minutes
  • Production Date 11/2019
  • Premium Members N/A
  • Points 2
  • Multi Trainer Num 1
Published in Articles
Tolerating reactivity, name-calling, blaming, guilt-tripping, or stonewalling can lead to resentment and hurt. Plus, the more you stay in a reactive dynamic, the more you are likely to reinforce the pattern. Setting life-serving boundaries arund reactivity is about letting another know that you aren’t going to participate in that kinds of dynamics. This means knowing what helps with handling difficulties and asking for that.

Additional Info

  • Skill Level Intermediate Skill Level
  • Duration Read time: 4-6 minutes
  • Production Date 12/2019
  • Premium Members N/A
  • Points 2
  • Multi Trainer Num 1
Published in Articles
In the face of stress you can find ways to be present for what’s happening, rather than being pulled or pushed around by anxious thoughts or fearful feelings. Here are some strategies to return to and maintain expanded awareness.

Additional Info

  • Skill Level All Skill Levels
  • Duration Read time: 2-3 minutes
  • Production Date 04/2020
  • Premium Members N/A
  • Points 2
  • Multi Trainer Num 1
Published in Articles
When someone wants to speak angrily about another, do you want to move away, try to calm them, argue, set a boundary, or offer empathy? What supports you to stay self connected? You can set boundaries regarding listening so that you're less likely to defend the other party, or attempt to talk your friend down from their judgments, thereby escalating the situation. Disagreements can also ignite curiosity and celebration. Read on for more.

Additional Info

  • Skill Level Beginner Skill Level
  • Duration Read time: 5-8 minutes
  • Production Date 05/2018
  • Premium Members N/A
  • Points 4
  • Multi Trainer Num 1
Published in Articles
Here are 16 helpful requests you can make before you're swept up in your own reactivity.

Additional Info

  • Skill Level Beginner Skill Level
  • Duration Read time: 3-5 minutes
  • Production Date 05/2019
  • Premium Members N/A
  • Points 2
  • Multi Trainer Num 1
Published in Articles
Unhook from a reactive dynamic, by staying with your needs and requests, and release attachment to outcome. Start by shifting your attention from the other person to get clear on what's true for you. Read on for strategies to transform reactivity, possible boundary setting behaviors, typical signs of escalation, and more.

Additional Info

  • Skill Level Intermediate Skill Level
  • Duration Read time: 8-12 minutes
  • Production Date 11/2019
  • Premium Members N/A
  • Points 6
  • Multi Trainer Num 1
Published in Articles
One clue we have trauma is when we respond in a way we don't want (eg. being reactive, self sabotaging, etc). Even when we have high level NVC skills our trauma-related mechanisms can activate, and we can lose access to well honed NVC skills. Read on for approaches that involve healing trauma, and approaches that involve managing the effects of trauma and preventing additional trauma.

Additional Info

  • Skill Level All Skill Levels
  • Duration Read time: 3 - 5 minutes
  • Production Date 11/2009
  • Premium Members N/A
  • Points 2
  • Multi Trainer Num 1
Published in Articles
Why is it so difficult to not take things personally? It's because everything reinforces the sense that whatever is being said is indeed about us – both from without and from within. However, we can get better at not taking things personally with a practice of shifting our focus by being open to multiple interpretations, understanding that our reaction is about our own need, and noticing how the other person’s words, no matter how they sound to us, are an expression of their needs. We can then be more present and available to navigate the situation.

Additional Info

  • Skill Level Intermediate Skill Level
  • Duration Read time: 12 - 18 minutes
  • Production Date 02/2013
  • Premium Members N/A
  • Points 8
  • Multi Trainer Num 1
Published in Articles
Most reactivity in intimate relationships comes from a lack of confidence in maintaining intimacy, autonomy, or security. What may help is naming what's happening, interrupting shame, and anchoring or reassuring yourself. You can also reflect on the effects of acting from reactivity. Knowing what helps center you, ask your partner to do or say specific things that might help. Read on for more.

Additional Info

  • Skill Level Intermediate Skill Level
  • Duration Read time: 3-5 minutes
  • Production Date 2/2019
  • Premium Members N/A
  • Points 4
  • Multi Trainer Num 1
Published in Articles
In healing reactivity try identifying your most common complaints, wishes, or requests. Or when you tend to defend, justify, get angry, or protect. Find the tender needs. You can recall when you experienced deep nourishment of that need. Several times a week nourish your tender needs. Be clear about the strategy to address needs by answering key questions. Read on for more.

Additional Info

  • Skill Level Intermediate Skill Level
  • Duration Read time: 3-5 minutes
  • Production Date 6/2018
  • Premium Members N/A
  • Points 2
  • Multi Trainer Num 1
Published in Articles
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