In the Spotlight: Parenting

NVC and ParentingNVC shares two key premises with attachment parenting: Human actions are motivated by attempts to meet needs, and trusting relationships are built through attentiveness to those needs. Both premises contrast with prevailing childrearing practices and with the assumptions about human beings that underlie these practices. Instead of focusing on authority and discipline, attachment parenting and NVC provide theoretical and practical grounds for nurturing compassionate, powerful, and creative children who will have resources to contribute to a peaceful society.

Marshall Rosenberg, founder and education director of the Center for Nonviolent Communication, asks parents two questions to point out the severe limitations of using power-over tactics such as reward and punishment: “What do you want the child to do?” and “What do you want the child’s reasons to be for doing so?” Do we really want our child to do something out of fear? Guilt? Shame? Obligation? Desire for reward? While helping us meet our needs without coercion, NVC also helps us resist giving in to our children’s every wish by teaching us to express our feelings, needs, and requests clearly, and to expect our needs to be considered. When we consistently express our commitment to attending to everyone’s needs–not just theirs, not just our own–we model a way of life to our children and create power with them: the power of choosing to contribute to making life more wonderful for everyone.

Listen now to part 1 of Bringing Peace to Kids in Conflict with John Kinyon and Stephanie Bachmann Mattei just below.

Plus, check out our two new parenting courses. Connected Based Parenting with Ian Peatey and Monica Reu is a self-paced parenting course with a collaborative approach rooted in awareness and presence. Parenting without Obedience: An Introduction to Intergenerational Collaboration with Miki Kashtan, Arnina Kashtan and Lisa Rothman is a live videoconference founded on the principle of creating relationship in which both your needs and those of your children are fully included.

 

Eric Bowers

Eric Bowers

CNVC Certified Trainer from Saltspring Island, British Columbia, Canada

Eric Bowers is a CNVC Certified Nonviolent Communication (NVC) Trainer with extensive training in Interpersonal Neurobiology (IPNB) and Attachment Theory. Eric brings together NVC, IPNB and Attachment Theory in his courses, workshops and private sessions. He has a passion for depth work and for supporting single people to learn and heal from past relationships and prepare for thriving relationships. Prior to his work as an NVC Trainer, Eric worked as a Children-Who Witness-Abuse Counselor and an expedition river guide and white water kayaker in British Columbia, the Yukon and Alaska.

"Your skilled, yet so very personal and vulnerable mentoring of NVC consciousness so met my need for safety, intimacy, inspiration, learning and celebration of our shared experience of being human...wonderfully, connectedly so! It has been a particular pleasure and privilege to have met you and gotten to know you in this way, and I look forward to all opportunities to take more of your workshops."
—Respectfully, Karin Kilpatrick M.D

Trainer's Website: Road to Compassion
Trainer's Facebook Page: Road to Compassion

NVC Library Resources with Eric Bowers

Join Eric, as he reveals a clear path from heartbreaking intimate relationships to joyful, thriving intimate relationships. Eric uses his passion for helping singles heal from their past relationships, to help you to experience more ease, joy and mutuality in future relationships.

To keep our life energy moving and growing we can find the resources to welcome and accompany various parts of ourselves with compassion and love -- as though these parts are very young children.  And even if these parts contain difficult emotions...

When building successful relationships, it can be very helpful to see yourself as a collection of different inner parts that developed due to various life experiences. Without empathy and acknowledgment, our inner parts tend to work against us. That's when we're called upon to build and develop our inner leadership...

For the ultimate romance to unfold, as an expression of your care for how your words and actions affect others, prioritize digging into your inner work before addressing conflict with them.  This means doing the inner work necessary to get to the root of the issue, which can bring bigger shifts, more aliveness, love, creativity, inspiration and compassion.  This doesn't mean letting the other person get away with unhealthy behaviour.

What parts of yourself or others are hard to embrace, understand or even notice?  What parts do others have difficulty embracing, understanding or noticing?  Why do we condemn, loathe, hate, deny, judge, blame or feel shame around certain needs, feelings and parts of self and/or others? This article talks about the hidden parts of ourselves and others that shapes views and behaviours.
What's really going on underneath the surface when we bring or encounter blame, judgements, pain -- and thereby the inability to empathise, be present, attuned, or responsive?  Why does this happen even if one or more people in a relationship dynamic is working hard at bringing in an NVC response? This article addresses these and more questions from the perspective of how our brains are affected in our relationships.
How do you know when you’re projecting disowned parts or replaying old relationship dynamics? It’s hard to know for sure, but if you find yourself upset or shutting down and unable to have a dialogue in which you can speak clearly about your feelings and needs and empathize with the other’s feelings and needs, there is likely a projection. The stronger your reaction, the more likely you are projecting.
Eric offers us a list of some of his favorite books, articles, and videos related to building successful relationships.
Eric offers some tips for nurturing and affirming ourselves as a daily practice.
What's happening in the brain and why, when you're flooded with intense emotions. In this session, we'll look at how you can train your brain to manage stronger emotions, yours and others.
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