In the Spotlight: Interdependence

Conflicts, even of long standing duration, can be resolved if we can just keep the flow of communication going in which people come out of their heads and stop criticizing and analyzing each other, and instead get in touch with their needs, and hear the needs of others, and realize the interdependence that we all have in relation to each other. We can't win at somebody else's expense. We can only fully be satisfied when the other person's needs are fulfilled as well as our own.

—Marshall Rosenberg, PhD, Founder of Nonviolent Communication

Join CNVC Certified Trainer Arnina Kashtan as explores interdependence, autonomy, valuing self and others, and power-sharing in your relationships. Free yourself to honor your longing for community, belonging, and love. This resource is available for all to listen to and enjoy during August, just below:

Rachelle Lamb

Rachelle Lamb

CNVC Certified Trainer from Victoria, British Columbia, Canada

Rachelle Lamb is the president of Mindful Communication based in Victoria, BC, Canada. Her lifelong interest in personal development and relationship dynamics, along with her ability to address the unique needs of her audiences, consistently produces powerful learning experiences.

Rachelle's interest in communication became a primary focus in 2000 when she met author and international peacemaker, Dr. Marshall Rosenberg. She found Rosenberg’s Nonviolent Communication (NVC) process to be so transformational that she trained with Dr. Rosenberg and was later certified in 2002 by the Center for Nonviolent Communication.

Rachelle is a senior CNVC Certified Trainer in Canada. She has been interviewed by newspapers, radio and television and has been invited to co-train at International Intensive Trainings (IIT) with Dr. Rosenberg. She is the author and publisher of ’Steps To Conscious Living' (2000) and NVC Communication Basics: A Concise Overview of Nonviolent Communication (2003).

She is available for keynotes and in-house trainings.

Website: Mindful Communication

NVC Library Resources with Rachelle Lamb

Our world is facing stressful times. And the more stress you experience, the less resourced you can become. But consider that you're not messed up, but rather, the challenges you bear is a response to manufactured environments and culture that are more hostile than they are kind towards our human souls and bodies. Cultural repair must be part of our work if we are going to attend to the whole.
You can use this exercise for NVC workshops or trainings to provide participants with a glimpse of the impact of their responses on others, and to learn a new way of communicating. Print it off on standard paper or postcard stock, then cut across the middle.
This two page learning tool contains lists of needs, feelings, faux feelings, and feelings that might be mixed with thoughts...
This is 2 pages. The first page summarizes each of the four steps of the NVC model and the second page describes the ways in which our language alienates us from ourselves and each other.
Here's a list of 13 reminders to help you prepare for a challenging dialogue...
These guiding questions will help you review your motives and approach before engaging in especially important conversations. Carry it with you, share it with the other person if possible, and make a decision to stay on track instead of getting pulled into old speaking and listening habits that aren't working.
When does identifying our or others' needs become a coping mechanism that hides the real problems that go unaddressed, and thereby reinforcing problems?  This article zooms out to take a look at how dealing with our needs in the absence of the larger picture can inadvertertly support unhealthy ways of operating, rather than become a healthy solution.  It asks us to see what could be hidden -- both on the personal and societal levels.
Getting "feel good" empathy can become an addiction. Even to the point of seeing people who don't offer empathy as "not being NVC". Rachelle urges us to notice how this view of NVC can be seductive, and even dangerous. In this article, she explains how we can expand our compassionate awareness when we go beyond equating NVC with harmony and empathy. She asks us to become more open to noticing others' experiences even if it challenges our personal and collective belief systems -- and especially when it upsets us to consider it.

Could our "need for autonomy" be getting in the way of "partnership consciousness" (as NVC is sometimes called). Could "autonomy" also block healthy relationships with not only ourselves and with others, but also with the planet? This article invites us to consider how "autonomy" may colour our NVC practice at the peril of our critical values. Values such as our care for impact, shared responsibility, interdependence, compassion, consideration, and more...

When we don't like what someone is saying to us, sometimes people encourage us to hear their needs, and "not take it personally" -- and we're inclined to agree.  Could "not taking it personally" close our hearts and awareness to others, life and ourselves?  Rachelle Lamb invites us to take a closer look at what it's like when we attend to the situation from our hearts, and skillfully reflect upon our actions with tenderness.
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