MML logo 400x64 trans

Search the Library

Search the Library

Search the Library
NVC Library search results for: blame


Anatomy of a Trigger: Change Your Focus and Improve the Outcome

Beginner Skill Level • Article • Read time: 7-10 minutes
Beginner Skill Level
Article
Read time: 7-10 minutes
When you or anyone is upset, what could underneath it all? There may be more than is immediately visible. This article invites us to explore what it looks like to inquire deeper, take self-responsibility, examine our assumptions, attachments, interpretations, and "certainties" that could be hidden behind the needs that are aching to be attended to...

Expressing Our Pain Without Blame

Intermediate Skill Level • Article • Read time: 4 - 6 minutes
Intermediate Skill Level
Article
Read time: 4 - 6 minutes
The more we can stay present with our hurt, and own our interpretations, we are more likely to express what's important to us without blame and also to become resilient. From there, the listener can have more space to offer their full presence and empathy. Read on for more.

Taking 100% Responsibility for Every Relationship (Complete Course)

Intermediate Skill Level • Audio • 4 - 6 hours
Intermediate Skill Level
Audio
4 - 6 hours
Taking 100% Responsibility offers a powerful antidote to the all-too-common dynamic of blaming that leaves you in the victim position and unable to have the relationship you want. Miki invites you to assume a stance of leadership while holding full care for both parties’ needs. No longer will you need to wait for the other person to change, nor will you need to give up your needs to reach...

Setting Boundaries with Reactivity

Intermediate Skill Level • Article • Read time: 4-6 minutes
Intermediate Skill Level
Article
Read time: 4-6 minutes
Tolerating reactivity, name-calling, blaming, guilt-tripping, or stonewalling can lead to resentment and hurt. Plus, the more you stay in a reactive dynamic, the more you are likely to reinforce the pattern. Setting life-serving boundaries arund reactivity is about letting another know that you aren’t going to participate in that kinds of dynamics. This means knowing what helps with handling...

Defusing Anger

Beginner Skill Level • Trainer Tip • 1 page
Beginner Skill Level
Trainer Tip
1 page
Trainer Tip: Many of us are afraid of our anger because we haven’t learned how to express it in a way that brings relief or that helps us meet our needs in the situation. Consider a different approach to anger, one that helps you fully express your anger and is more likely to help you meet your needs for relief, to be heard, or to be understood.

Are You Living Your True Potential?

Beginner Skill Level • Article • Read time: 5-8 minutes
Beginner Skill Level
Article
Read time: 5-8 minutes
How can we live up to our true potential, a life filled with relationships and experiences that truly meet our needs? In this article, Mary offers us a way to bring about inner transformation that can lead to seeing ourselves, others and life differently -- for greater agency, empowerment and choice.

Punitive Use of Force

Beginner Skill Level • Trainer Tip • Read time: 1-2 minutes
Beginner Skill Level
Trainer Tip
Read time: 1-2 minutes
Trainer Tip: What is motivating your (in)actions? Are you doing something in the name of supporting deeper heartfelt needs, free of judgement or blame? Or are you bringing in consequences based on viewing the other person as having "bad behaviour"?

Engage Your Curiosity

Beginner Skill Level • Trainer Tip • Read time: 1-2 minutes
Beginner Skill Level
Trainer Tip
Read time: 1-2 minutes
Trainer Tip: When someone acts in baffling ways we can either wonder about what’s going on with the other person, create our own stories about it (blame, resent, make assumptions), or inform ourselves by asking. This is an opportunity to learn something new.

Feelings Are a Response to Our Met or Unmet Needs

Beginner Skill Level • Trainer Tip • Read time: 1-2 minutes
Beginner Skill Level
Trainer Tip
Read time: 1-2 minutes
Trainer Tip: Our particular needs and expectations in the moment, influences how we feel. So if you are feeling hurt, sad, angry, or disappointed, try to consider what your unmet needs are, and see if there are other ways you can get them met. Today, track how your needs affect your feelings.

Differentiating Between Feelings And Faux Feelings

Introductory Skill Level • Learning Tool • N/A
Introductory Skill Level
Learning Tool
N/A
This chart is intended as an aid to translating words that are often confused with feelings. These words imply that someone is doing something to you and generally connote wrongness or blame. To use this list, when somebody says “I’m feeling rejected,” you might translate this as: “Are you feeling scared because you have a need for inclusion?”

Moving Beyond Needs as Met or Unmet

Beginner Skill Level • Article • Read time: 5 - 8 minutes
Beginner Skill Level
Article
Read time: 5 - 8 minutes
Sometimes when we regard needs as something that could be met or unmet by another person or by a situation we unconsciously hold the belief that our needs should be met. Or we end up holding blame or implying wrongdoing. People are more likely to resist a request made from this stance. Instead, here are practices to increasingly losen any remaining attachment or demand energy -- and open our...

Transformative Dialogue

Intermediate Skill Level • Article • N/A
Intermediate Skill Level
Article
N/A
The less blame and criticism, the easier it is for others to hear us. From this perspective, it’s in our best interest to come from curiosity and care. This way differences can bring us together and help us know one another. The more mutual understanding, the easier it is to work together and find creative solutions. Read on for more on this, with a story about how a black man inspired 200...

Learning the Practice of Being in Empathy (Complete Course)

with Mary Mackenzie and Raj Gill
Intermediate Skill Level • Audio • 02:29 hours:minutes
Intermediate Skill Level
Audio
02:29 hours:minutes
Join CNVC Certified Trainers, Raj Gill and Mary Mackenzie as they explore the Nonviolent Communication process of Empathy. This audio will support people with a basic understanding of Nonviolent Communication who want to deepen their ability for empathic presence.

 
NVC Booksdance floors 300x30