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Healing the Blame that Binds

Intermediate Skill Level • Article • 3 pages

Intermediate Skill Level
Article
3 pages

Blame is the game that protects me from the understanding that the cause of all my emotional distress, fear, shame and guilt comes from the part of me I call "the inner voice."

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Moving From Blame to Self-Responsibility

with Miki Kashtan

Intermediate Skill Level • Article • 2 pages

Intermediate Skill Level
Article
2 pages

Often when someone else does something we don't like, it's easy to blame the other person. After all, we have all been trained to focus on fault when needs are not met. What can we do to shift that pattern?

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Taste of Compassionate Leadership Series: Winning the Blame Game

with Jim & Jori Manske

Beginner Skill Level • Audio • 00:47 hours:minutes

Beginner Skill Level
Audio
00:47 hours:minutes

Jim and Jori Manske offer insight into blame, how it arises and how do we handle being blamed and our own blame of others.

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Anatomy of a Trigger: Change Your Focus and Improve the Outcome

with Mary Mackenzie

Beginner Skill Level • Article • Read time: 7-10 minutes

Beginner Skill Level
Article
Read time: 7-10 minutes

When you or anyone is upset, what could underneath it all? There may be more than is immediately visible. This article invites us to explore what it looks like to inquire deeper, take self-responsibility, examine our assumptions, attachments, interpretations, and "certainties" that could be hidden behind the needs that are aching to be attended to...

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Expressing Our Pain Without Blame

with Miki Kashtan

Intermediate Skill Level • Article • Read time: 4 - 6 minutes

Intermediate Skill Level
Article
Read time: 4 - 6 minutes

The more we can stay present with our hurt, and own our interpretations, we are more likely to express what's important to us without blame and also to become resilient. From there, the listener can have more space to offer their full presence and empathy. Read on for more.

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Moving Beyond Needs as Met or Unmet

with Peggy Smith

Beginner Skill Level • Article • Read time: 5 - 8 minutes

Beginner Skill Level
Article
Read time: 5 - 8 minutes

Sometimes when we regard needs as something that could be met or unmet by another person or by a situation we unconsciously hold the belief that our needs should be met. Or we end up holding blame or implying wrongdoing. People are more likely to resist a request made from this stance. Instead, here are practices to increasingly losen any remaining attachment or demand energy -- and open our...

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Taking Responsibility for Your Choices

with Mary Mackenzie

Beginner Skill Level • Trainer Tip • 1 page

Beginner Skill Level
Trainer Tip
1 page

Trainer Tip: Giving up on blame and taking responsibilty for our choices is immensely empowering. Mary offers a tip for growing in this direction.

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Taking 100% Responsibility for Every Relationship (Complete Course)

with Miki Kashtan

Intermediate Skill Level • Audio • 4 - 6 hours

Intermediate Skill Level
Audio
4 - 6 hours

Taking 100% Responsibility offers a powerful antidote to the all-too-common dynamic of blaming that leaves you in the victim position and unable to have the relationship you want. Miki invites you to assume a stance of leadership while holding full care for both parties’ needs. No longer will you need to wait for the other person to change, nor will you need to give up your needs to reach...

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Evaluations vs. Feelings

with Mary Mackenzie

Introductory Skill Level • Trainer Tip • Read time: 1-2 minutes

Introductory Skill Level
Trainer Tip
Read time: 1-2 minutes

Trainer tip: Beware that your expression of feelings helps you own how you feel, rather than blaming the other person for doing something you see as wrong. Expressing your feelings helps the other person know how deeply this issue affects you. Plus it can bring more clarity and connection to all parties. Read on for more.

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Transforming Painful Patterns

with Arnina Kashtan

Intermediate Skill Level • Article • 7 pages

Intermediate Skill Level
Article
7 pages

Why is it so difficult to change our patterns even when we want to, even when we experience shame or despair about them? Here are common pitfalls and concrete steps to overcome them in the future.

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Setting Boundaries with Reactivity

with LaShelle Lowe-Chardé

Intermediate Skill Level • Article • Read time: 4-6 minutes

Intermediate Skill Level
Article
Read time: 4-6 minutes

Tolerating reactivity, name-calling, blaming, guilt-tripping, or stonewalling can lead to resentment and hurt. Plus, the more you stay in a reactive dynamic, the more you are likely to reinforce the pattern. Setting life-serving boundaries arund reactivity is about letting another know that you aren’t going to participate in that kinds of dynamics. This means knowing what helps with handling...

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Defusing Anger

with Mary Mackenzie

Beginner Skill Level • Trainer Tip • 1 page

Beginner Skill Level
Trainer Tip
1 page

Trainer Tip: Many of us are afraid of our anger because we haven’t learned how to express it in a way that brings relief or that helps us meet our needs in the situation. Consider a different approach to anger, one that helps you fully express your anger and is more likely to help you meet your needs for relief, to be heard, or to be understood.

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Punitive Use of Force

with Mary Mackenzie

Beginner Skill Level • Trainer Tip • Read time: 1-2 minutes

Beginner Skill Level
Trainer Tip
Read time: 1-2 minutes

Trainer Tip: What is motivating your (in)actions? Are you doing something in the name of supporting deeper heartfelt needs, free of judgement or blame? Or are you bringing in consequences based on viewing the other person as having "bad behaviour"?

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Dissolving Enemy Images

with Francois Beausoleil

Intermediate Skill Level • Audio • 00:34 hours:minutes

Intermediate Skill Level
Audio
00:34 hours:minutes

Francois shares the benefits of living in the Blame Free State, the state of the heart that has no enemies.

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Engage Your Curiosity

with Mary Mackenzie

Beginner Skill Level • Trainer Tip • Read time: 1-2 minutes

Beginner Skill Level
Trainer Tip
Read time: 1-2 minutes

Trainer Tip: When someone acts in baffling ways we can either wonder about what’s going on with the other person, create our own stories about it (blame, resent, make assumptions), or inform ourselves by asking. This is an opportunity to learn something new.

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Feelings Are a Response to Our Met or Unmet Needs

with Mary Mackenzie

Beginner Skill Level • Trainer Tip • Read time: 1-2 minutes

Beginner Skill Level
Trainer Tip
Read time: 1-2 minutes

Trainer Tip: Our particular needs and expectations in the moment, influences how we feel. So if you are feeling hurt, sad, angry, or disappointed, try to consider what your unmet needs are, and see if there are other ways you can get them met. Today, track how your needs affect your feelings.

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Differentiating Between Feelings And Faux Feelings

with NVC Academy

Introductory Skill Level • Learning Tool • N/A

Introductory Skill Level
Learning Tool
N/A

This chart is intended as an aid to translating words that are often confused with feelings. These words imply that someone is doing something to you and generally connote wrongness or blame. To use this list, when somebody says “I’m feeling rejected,” you might translate this as: “Are you feeling scared because you have a need for inclusion?”

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What is Nonviolent Communication?

with Mary Mackenzie

Introductory Skill Level • Trainer Tip • Read time: 1-2 minutes

Introductory Skill Level
Trainer Tip
Read time: 1-2 minutes

Trainer tip: NVC focuses on shared human values and needs, and encourages the use of language that increases good will -- plus avoidance of language that contributes to resentment or lowered self-esteem. It emphasizes taking personal responsibility for choices and improving the quality of relationships as a primary goal. For today, focus on making observations without moralistic judgment in at...

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Developing Discernment

with Jim & Jori Manske

Beginner Skill Level • Audio • 00:43 hours:minutes

Beginner Skill Level
Audio
00:43 hours:minutes

Listen to Jim and Jori Manske share their understanding of discernment to gain clarity, insight, and wisdom for making life-serving distinctions and choices.

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Learning the Practice of Being in Empathy (Complete Course)

with Mary Mackenzie and Raj Gill

Intermediate Skill Level • Audio • 02:29 hours:minutes

Intermediate Skill Level
Audio
02:29 hours:minutes

Join CNVC Certified Trainers, Raj Gill and Mary Mackenzie as they explore the Nonviolent Communication process of Empathy. This audio will support people with a basic understanding of Nonviolent Communication who want to deepen their ability for empathic presence.

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