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The Cause of Our Feelings

with John Kinyon and Miki Kashtan

Beginner Skill Level • Trainer Tip • 3 pages

Beginner Skill Level
Trainer Tip
3 pages

Ask the Trainer: “I would love some clarity about the NVC perspective on the cause of our feelings. It seems to me that my needs may be met or not, but the cause of my painful feelings is my story around the situation.”

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Differentiating Between Feelings And Faux Feelings

with NVC Academy

Introductory Skill Level • Learning Tool • N/A

Introductory Skill Level
Learning Tool
N/A

This chart is intended as an aid to translating words that are often confused with feelings. These words imply that someone is doing something to you and generally connote wrongness or blame. To use this list, when somebody says “I’m feeling rejected,” you might translate this as: “Are you feeling scared because you have a need for inclusion?”

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Moralistic Judgments

with Mary Mackenzie

Introductory Skill Level • Trainer Tip • Read time: 1-2 minutes

Introductory Skill Level
Trainer Tip
Read time: 1-2 minutes

Trainer tip: When we express moralistic judgments we are implying that other people are wrong or bad because they don’t act in ways that are in harmony with our values. Judging the situation or people can create distance and hurt. Instead, we can express our needs and how we're affected, bringing greater connection and healing. Today, notice how often you judge, and how you feel when you judge.

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Feelings vs. Thoughts Vocabulary Builder

with Mark Schultz

Beginner Skill Level • Practice Exercise • 10 minutes

Beginner Skill Level
Practice Exercise
10 minutes

This ten question exercise will help build your feelings vocabulary. It is helpful to differentiate between words that describe what we think others are doing around us, and words that describe actual feelings. These "faux feelings" often reveal more about how we think others are behaving than what we are actually feeling ourselves. Feeling words are always about us, not the other person.

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Feelings vs Interpretations

with LaShelle Lowe-Chardé

Beginner Skill Level • Article • Read time: 1-2 minutes

Beginner Skill Level
Article
Read time: 1-2 minutes

Here's a list of words that pose as feelings, but are actually interpretations of what you think someone is doing to you. They trigger defensiveness in another thereby preventing a connected dialogue. Behind each of these words are precious feelings and needs. This sheet includes ways to distinguish feelings from interpretations.

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Feelings, the Second Component of Compassionate Communication

with Mary Mackenzie

Beginner Skill Level • Trainer Tip • 1 page

Beginner Skill Level
Trainer Tip
1 page

Trainer Tip: Take a moment to consider feelings, our conditioning about expressing or even feeling emotion, and the value of re-evaluating our relationship to feelings.

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A List of Feelings We All Have (Emotions and Sensations)

with NVC Academy

Introductory Skill Level • Learning Tool • N/A

Introductory Skill Level
Learning Tool
N/A

The following list of words are used to express a combination of emotional states and physical sensations. This list is neither exhaustive nor definitive. It is meant as a starting place to help you develop your emotional vocabulary and further support your communication with others.

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Understanding I’m Not Responsible for Another's Feelings

with Jeff Brown

Beginner Skill Level • Trainer Tip • 2 pages

Beginner Skill Level
Trainer Tip
2 pages

Ask the Trainer: "I understand that I'm not responsible for someone else's feelings, but my girlfriend doesn't. Do you have ideas for how I could get her to understand this concept?"

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Evaluations vs. Feelings

with Mary Mackenzie

Introductory Skill Level • Trainer Tip • Read time: 1-2 minutes

Introductory Skill Level
Trainer Tip
Read time: 1-2 minutes

Trainer tip: Beware that your expression of feelings helps you own how you feel, rather than blaming the other person for doing something you see as wrong. Expressing your feelings helps the other person know how deeply this issue affects you. Plus it can bring more clarity and connection to all parties. Read on for more.

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Feelings Are a Response to Our Met or Unmet Needs

with Mary Mackenzie

Beginner Skill Level • Trainer Tip • Read time: 1-2 minutes

Beginner Skill Level
Trainer Tip
Read time: 1-2 minutes

Trainer Tip: Our particular needs and expectations in the moment, influences how we feel. So if you are feeling hurt, sad, angry, or disappointed, try to consider what your unmet needs are, and see if there are other ways you can get them met. Today, track how your needs affect your feelings.

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Connecting Feelings and Needs

with Mary Mackenzie

Beginner Skill Level • Trainer Tip • 1 page

Beginner Skill Level
Trainer Tip
1 page

Trainer Tip: When we connect our feelings to our needs, we put ourselves in a postion to get our needs met and mourn when they aren't met. Here's a practical tip you can practice daily to improve the quality of your life.

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Some Ideas for Using the Feelings & Needs Cards

with Peggy Smith

Beginner Skill Level • Practice Exercise • Read time: 4 - 6 minutes

Beginner Skill Level
Practice Exercise
Read time: 4 - 6 minutes

This guide features three activities that use feelings and needs cards: two verions of "Feelings and Needs Poker" and one for "Self-Empathy". Great for practicing alone, with a partner, or in a group.

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Using Therapeutic Communication to Connect with Patients

with Melanie Sears

Advanced Skill Level • Article • 5 pages

Advanced Skill Level
Article
5 pages

"I was taught in Nursing School that when someone expressed a feeling to reflect it back. I tried this technique in the room of a patient who had just received a diagnosis of cancer."

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Cause of Feelings

with Sylvia Haskvitz

Beginner Skill Level • Audio • 00:13 hours:minutes

Beginner Skill Level
Audio
00:13 hours:minutes

Many of us blame other people for our feelings but our own state of needs is the true cause. In this powerful audio, Sylvia teaches you how to manage your emotions in challenging situations and demonstrates the process of Screaming in Giraffe.

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Past Stories, Present Feelings

with Sylvia Haskvitz

Intermediate Skill Level • Trainer Tip • 2 pages

Intermediate Skill Level
Trainer Tip
2 pages

Ask the Trainer: "I have noticed that sometimes when I am in a story-telling mood I am usually trying to prove that I am right and once I connect with a need the urge to give all the information goes away."

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Feelings Cards

with Peggy Smith

Beginner Skill Level • Learning Tool • Read time: 1 - 2 minutes

Beginner Skill Level
Learning Tool
Read time: 1 - 2 minutes

Print-and-cut these 56 feelings cards for one-on-one, partner or group activities, to help support the pratice of empathy. Includes eight blank cards for you to customize.

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The Heart of the Matter: Connecting More Deeply to Your Feelings and Needs

with Miki Kashtan

Intermediate Skill Level • Audio • 02:21 hours:minutes

Intermediate Skill Level
Audio
02:21 hours:minutes

Do you want to increase your capacity to identify and connect with feelings and needs? Would you like to enhance your ability to translate judgments? Join Miki for this deep dive into feelings and needs.

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Feelings and Needs Cards

with Free to Be Parents

Beginner Skill Level • Learning Tool • N/A

Beginner Skill Level
Learning Tool
N/A

These downloadable cards are graciously offered to help busy parents who want more time and less struggle.

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Feeling Awareness

with Jim & Jori Manske

Introductory Skill Level • Audio • 00:44 hours:minutes

Introductory Skill Level
Audio
00:44 hours:minutes

In this intriguing audio, Jim and Jori Manske create a framework for growing your feeling awareness, and offer daily practices for working with your feelings.

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Judging and Feeling Judged

with Miki Kashtan

Intermediate Skill Level • Audio • 00:18 hours:minutes

Intermediate Skill Level
Audio
00:18 hours:minutes

In this potent audio, expert trainer Miki Kashtan demonstrates the eye-opening experience of translating judgments into needs. She works with a mother who is stuck in a loop of feeling judged by family members and judging them back.

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