Trainer Tip: Notice where you're judging or blaming people for not meeting your needs. Strive instead to notice and name the related feelings and needs longing to be met. Ask a question to check with the other person about what they want and need. This can open up the conversation towards mutually beneficial solutions.

Research shows that couples with a secure bond experience arguments that are shorter, lower in intensity, and easier to recover from. Building and keeping a secure bond with your partner requires mindfulness and consistency: respond to what’s needed or supportive in a given moment; give them your full attention and affection in a spacious greeting; conveying care, consideration, and that they matter and are seen.

Making decisions from overwhelm can be costly for you and others. Instead, to get distance name overwhelm as it comes. Apply self-compassion. Be suspicious of your impulse to withdraw. Find ways to meet your needs. Tell others about your overwhelm. This may allow more support, connection and trust-building. Plan what to do to meet your needs next time you're overwhelmed. Tweak your plan.

When we have privilege, we can have access to resources resulting from legal or social norms related to membership in a group -- independent of any (in)action, awareness of the disparity, the potential benefits to us, or the costs to others. Unhelpful ways of engaging with privilege are: denial/invisibility, guilt/shame, defensiveness, and entitlement. Helpful ways of engaging are: owning privilege, learning about privilege, opening to feedback, and stewarding privilege for benefit of all. To be helpful we need to engage with necessary (rather than unnecessary) discomfort.

Many people consider a true observation as something that all can agree on. Some people use the video camera analogy – a true observation is “what a video camera can see and hear.” This perpetuates the myth of the neutral, unbiased observer. There are three layers of observation: External, Internal, and Systemic. Understanding these layers is key to connecting with the depth of the needs, and to create greater shared understanding.

Create your own new personal practice using the Pathways to Liberation: Matrix of Self-Assessment and increase your capacity to access skills when you need them the most.

There's a growing trend to elevate feelings and personal truths (aka MY truth) to the point of being unassailable "facts". If I feel unsafe, then it must be because of you. As valid as a person’s inner world is, we risk overlooking what's beyond our own views, such as larger forces around us that continue to underwrite exploitation, violence, “othering”, etc. Instead, describe specific words and actions that a camera would record.

Learn to speak NVC using your own voice and increase ease and flow in all your personal and professional conversations. This 7-session telecourse recording with renowned trainer Miki Kashtan is designed to help you integrate NVC into all aspects of your life by gaining fluency in your practice of NVC and by embodying the principles regardless of the words you use. This course is based on intensive practice and coaching with real-life examples from participants’ lives.

Here we explore variants of conflict patterns in part two (of this two part series) that include: refuting "straw man arguments"; not checking understanding, repeating unhelpful behaviour; repeatedly asking for what's already given; asserting rather than demonstrating responsiveness; assumptions; denying conflict exists; neglecting interdependence; stonewalling; absence of curiosity, humility, respect, empathy or care (even when reflecting).

To resolve conflict, information of what's important to each party, plus corrections, needs to be included and built upon. Here we explore nine patterns of ongoing conflict, including diagnosis; assuming understanding; refuting; unhelpful communication mediums; over focus on intent over effect; and “hit-and-run” engagement. This is part one of a two part series.