One of the paradoxical aspects of my life is that I consider myself a small town, rural person and I live in a big city. I’m here because of a strong inner call that led me here, and I have many needs that are met by this decision. I love my life – and I miss nature – so one of the ways I make this big city life more enjoyable is by visiting our local nature center several times a week to commune with natural life of all kinds.
And, I have great news to report…
…the goslings have hatched!!
My little fur balls are here for another spring, and I’ll spend the next several months watching them grow into beautiful geese that will eventually fly toward their own inner calling… Then I will cry for days because I’m so happy for them and I’ll miss them. I’m tearing up as I write this, because I know what’s coming and I want to enjoy every moment of it, even the grief. I know what’s coming, and in the meantime I have the great honor of watching these little babes and their parents navigate daily life together. I love it that I get to spend this time with them!
In some ways I feel like one of those furry little goslings as I navigate my own healing about an old familiar topic that is especially up for me now: forgiveness.
Though I know I’ve been around this block many times during my life, in this moment I’ve just uncovered a new layer that reaches farther “into my soft underbelly” as the poet Mary Oliver might say. This tender place has been covered up for a long time through my ability to skillfully project blame onto other people, rather than taking full responsibility for my decisions. Now that the outer shell has been removed, I am left feeling more vulnerable, tender, and young, like a new gosling who just found her legs.
I’d like to love this newly revealed side of myself – the part who can blame others and think it’s them blaming me – like I love the goslings… And I’d like to see its beauty and cuteness, but I’m not quite there yet.
I know it will come because I trust the process of healing that moves me to a greater expression of love. I know it will come the same way I know the goslings’ fur will turn into feathers, their legs will be long and gangly for a while and then they’ll plump up a bit, and eventually they’ll get their own individual colors and then they’ll fly forward as nature calls them.
In order to see myself through my own sadness and healing, I plan to surround myself with loving allies and, once again, to use the geese as my mentors. Did you know that geese mate for life? They do, and they are fiercely protective of each other and their offspring.
Roger Teel, in his book This Life is Joy says, “Forgiveness is one of the highest expressions of self-love. It is loving yourself enough to move out of that stuck place… Forgiveness is freeing yourself to get back to the higher agenda of your life – no longer tethered to the past.”
I am trusting the natural healing process that starts with awareness and ends with forgiveness and healing. May you be in this flow as well, surrounded by love, open to forgiveness, and remembering to love your inner gosling who may sometimes act much younger than your years!
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