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When feeling unworthy, powerless, or afraid, we can hear others' comments as criticism, rejection, demands, limits, or attacks. Practice self-compassion, release attachments, and ask “How can I stretch the boundaries of who I believe myself to be, in service of love?”. Try replacing love with a word that inspires you (e.g. freedom, thriving, etc). Note answers that arise later. Or explore the question with a trusted person or in a journal. Read on for examples.

Create your own new personal practice using the Pathways to Liberation: Matrix of Self-Assessment and increase your capacity to access skills when you need them the most.

Miki Kashtan hosted Living Room Radio Show on KPFA Radio 94.1FM in Berkeley, California, USA. Listen as she works with a a woman whose relationship is challenged by what happens when her lover drinks. In this segment, Miki encourages the caller to get support for her stress, find an outlet for it and receive empathy. Miki addresses the challenges of addiction, the self-judgment of trying to meet needs by drinking and the pain this causes for everyone involved. She further suggests that the caller try to connect to the needs he is trying to meet by drinking, and to identify those that are actually being met and those that aren’t.

Trainer Tip: Notice where you're judging or blaming people for not meeting your needs. Strive instead to notice and name the related feelings and needs longing to be met. Ask a question to check with the other person about what they want and need. This can open up the conversation towards mutually beneficial solutions.

Notice when you start to defend. Is your body tensing up? Feeling desperate for the other to understand you or your intentions? Find yourself explaining your behavior, giving all the good reasons why you did what you did? Trying to convince the other of your good intentions? If so, ask yourself: “Is this what I want to be doing right now? Is this really helping?” then practice one of these eight options.

How can I deal with someone who is constantly interrupting and derailing our process?

Enjoy Dian Killian's overview of the 4-step NVC model and its application to the workplace.

Trainer Tip: Notice when you create stories about why something occurred. Commit to only observing facts. Then make decisions that are likely to give you relief and joy. For instance, if someone is late you may think that she’s inconsiderate or values another thing more than you. Instead, observe what you know—that she's later than agreed. From there, you could call her to find out what’s going on.

When you or anyone is upset, what could underneath the trigger?  There may be more than is immediately visible.  This article invites us to explore what it looks like to inquire deeper, take self-responsibility, examine our assumptions, attachments, interpretations, and "certainties" that could be hidden behind the needs that are aching to be attended to...

Watch Jim and Jori Manske in this video as they share three key learnings about collaborating effectively.