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It's tempting to shut down a heated conversation when it’s painful and overwhelming. What can give us strength to stay open to hearing and being moved, to being open to new possibility, is recalling the “triad of conversation.” The triad is self and other and then awareness on the third side of the conversation. Here we can return to connection, to what we share and need in common, to a searching together for the way forward.

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While someone is upset or hurt they may "listen" to us to gather evidence for a rebuttal, to assert or validate a preconceived idea, and so on. When in this "predatory listening" mode, the "listener's" needs overshadow relational values like understanding, connection, or mutuality. In response to this we can consider our purpose, affirm any positive intent or need in what they say, and ask direct, honest questions.

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Developing interpersonal relationship skills in congregations is integral to working with the conflicts that arise. These skills can be applied to any spiritual community.

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If we're to have a better future, our biggest task will be to reexamine what the police are, their place in the system, and more. Police violence exists by systemic design. The myths of where the problems and symptoms lie with the police, capitalism, laws, government, citizens, class and racism --plus the relationship between all these-- is what keeps oppression ongoing on a mass scale. For change to happen, we'll need to find systemic leverage points, and use privilege to benefit those without it. Read on for more.

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Trainer Tip

1 - 2 minutes

9/23/2022

Trainer Tip: Make a clear, conscious decision about what’s important to you, and then live from that place. This can support you to become less attached to being likeable or accepted, And less affected in a way you don't want, by others opinions of you and your choices. This can further support you to live in integrity.

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CNVC Certified Trainer Miki Kashtan discusses how focusing on connection and care can guide us in expressing honestly and offering empathy.

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In this audio presentation, Jori offers clarity about the three different layers of empathy and the value of differentiating each layer. If you're looking for a daily practice for deepening your empathy skills, this is for you. 

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Duke Duchscherer shares that Restorative Circles have the ability to transform relationships. Groups may start with feelings of worry, anxiety, fear, anger, and even hatred. The dialogue process supports a shift to more ease, connection, and trust.

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Trainer Tip: Sometimes the expression of our needs can sound like demands or criticism. This can make it harder for people to want to contribute to us. Today, pay attention to how you express your needs. Find ways to release the emotional charge.

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To help you stay connected to yourself and the other person when in challenging discussions about COVID-19 vaccines or other hot issues, without labeling others as reactive or otherwise, you can begin by tracking signs of your own reactivity to bring mindfulness onboard, then shifting your attention to universal needs; and asking to connect about it later. Read on for more.

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