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NVC Resources on Requests


Demands vs Requests

Trainer Tip • 2 - 3 minutes • 
Trainer Tip
2 - 3 minutes
Trainer tip: Demands are more likely to limit the possibilities and create distance between people. The trick to asking something as a request is valuing everyone’s needs equally. When you value everyone’s needs equally, then you are more willing to come to solutions that satisfy everyone. It thus opens possibilities and helps build connection.

Practices For Requesting

Practice Exercise • 2 - 3 minutes • 
Practice Exercise
2 - 3 minutes
Practice making requests for feedback, clarity, and action. Opportunities for making requests might be when you expected something different from what you got, were treated undesirably, and noticed inner constriction or reactivity. Identify observations, feelings, and values to support finding the request. Ensure your request states what you want, is specific, names the present-tense action,...

Understanding The Obstacle of Limiting Beliefs With Regard To Making Requests

Practice Exercise • 2-3 minutes • 
Practice Exercise
2-3 minutes
When you attempt to make a request what limiting beliefs come up? See if you recognize any from this list. Then compassionately observe your body sensations, impulses, feelings, needs, memories, energy, and images. In making the request ensure your request is connected to your needs, is doable, what you want, and not attached to them saying yes.

Tips for the Road Series: Tip 2. Cultivate Connection before Asking for Action

Trainer Tip • 1 - 2 minutes • 
Trainer Tip
1 - 2 minutes
Learn when to use the two types of requests in the practice of Nonviolent Communication: Action Requests and Connection Requests. Both are important when working through conflict or difficult situations and for building connection.

Unpacking OFNR - Requests

Article • 5 - 8 minutes • 
Article
5 - 8 minutes
Many believe it's only a true NVC request when we can ask for what we need without urgency or insistence. But what if we're the target of oppression and hate in a world with systemic inequality? Is it still nonviolence to abdicate power by allowing the person enacting harm to be the one to decide whether harm continues? The intensity of the need, degree of harm, and how chronically unmet the...

Requests, the Fourth Component of Compassionate Communication

Trainer Tip • 1 - 2 minutes • 
Trainer Tip
1 - 2 minutes
Trainer Tip: Making a request is critical because it can greatly lessen any tension in the situation. Plus, it can clarify for you and the people in your life what it would take to meet your need. Make at least one specific and doable request to someone today.

Navigating Individual Requests That Divert From Your Group's Purpose

Video • 9 minutes • 
Video
9 minutes
Mary illustrates how we can get diverted from our group's purpose by the needs of a single indvidual in the group, especially requests for prolonged empathy. Listen to Mary reframe these scenarios and offer three helpful tips for handling these situations.

Not Trusting the “Yes”

Audio • 24 minutes • 
Audio
24 minutes
In this audio recording, Miki demonstrates how to stay in a dialogue when you don't trust someone's "yes," how to equalize power between people and how to allow space for others to say "no" to our requests. In this 2-part audio series, Miki demonstrates how to stay in a dialogue when you don’t trust someone’s “yes,” how to equalize power between people and how to allow space for others to say...

Mediating Conflict Conversations with Observation, Feeling, Need, and Request

Audio • 44 minutes • 
Audio
44 minutes
Mediating a conflict conversation can be challenging – but with tools and practice, that challenge can be transformed. If you're curious about the specific steps needed to achieve that transformation, join John for an exploration of his non-dual mindfulness practice.

Can NVC Be Learned Without Learning Observation, Feeling, Need and Request?

with Bridget Belgrave, Jeff Brown and Mary Mackenzie
Audio • 44 minutes • 
Audio
44 minutes
In this enlightening Trainer Conversation, three veteran CNVC Certified Trainers discuss whether NVC can be learned without first learning Observations, Feelings, Needs, Requests (OFNR). The conversation naturally meanders as the trainers grapple with the question, eventually covering a wide-range of topics including the spirituality and true essence of NVC.

Specificity Is the Key

Trainer Tip • 1 - 2 minutes • 
Trainer Tip
1 - 2 minutes
Trainer Tip: If you make a specific and doable request as soon as you notice your needs, you'll have a better possibility of getting them met. It's also more likely your request will support the other person to contribute to your life. Make at least one specific, doable request of someone today as soon as you notice your needs.

Honor Your Need to be Heard

Article • 2-3 minutes • 
Article
2-3 minutes
When you want to be heard, first check if your listener is available. This honors yourself, and the other person’s choice about listening. You need to be clear about wanting a particular quality of listening, and that you are willing to wait if that isn’t available in the moment. Read on for how to ask for listening in a way that can build trust that your request isn't a demand.

Group Feedback

Trainer Tip • 2 - 3 minutes • 
Trainer Tip
2 - 3 minutes
Ask the Trainer: "I'm part of a small, self-led NVC group that's been working together for almost two years. We are experiencing some growing pains in that we're still not certain how and under what circumstances to make requests, especially negative ones."

NVC Principles

Video • 22 minutes • 
Video
22 minutes
In this 3-part video, Miki Kashtan discusses the spiritual nature of NVC, delves deeper into the NVC concept of needs and offers practical tools to make requests in ways that others are more likely to respond to positively.