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NVC Resources on Responsibility


How to Ask for Responsiveness

Article • 3-5 minutes • 10/2019
Article
3-5 minutes
10/2019
If it's a tender topic and/or you are looking for a particular level of responsiveness, you can let listeners know what you want back before you share -- or you can ask them for a particular kind of response right after you share. The more you can do this, the more it can create supportive relationships in your life. Read on for ways to ask for a particular kind of responsiveness to meet...

The Shadow Side of Autonomy

Article • 8 - 12 minutes • 01/2018
Article
8 - 12 minutes
01/2018
Could our "need for autonomy" be getting in the way of "partnership consciousness" (as NVC is sometimes called). Could "autonomy" also block healthy relationships with not only ourselves and with others, but also with the planet? This article invites us to consider how "autonomy" may colour our NVC practice at the peril of our critical values. Values such as our care for impact, shared...

Tips for the Road Series: Tip 14. Admit to it Too

Trainer Tip • 1 - 2 minutes • 01/2016
Trainer Tip
1 - 2 minutes
01/2016
It can be challenging to tell people that you don’t like a certain behaviour or action of theirs. Even with supportive intentions and compassionate language your message might be difficult for someone to receive. Of course, we are not responsible for others’ reactions, but we are responsible to care about each other, and there are effective ways to express ourselves with more care.

Taking 100% Responsibility for Every Relationship (4 Session Course)

Audio • 4 - 6 hours • 04/17/2015
Audio
4 - 6 hours
04/17/2015
Taking 100% Responsibility offers a powerful antidote to the all-too-common dynamic of blaming that leaves you in the victim position and unable to have the relationship you want. Miki invites you to assume a stance of leadership while holding full care for both parties’ needs. No longer will you need to wait for the other person to change, nor will you need to give up your needs to reach...

How To Stop Arguing

Article • 9-13 minutes • 9/2/2021
Article
9-13 minutes
9/2/2021
Transform arguments with these steps: take responsibility for your mind, increase your capacity for discomfort, slow down, show up and remember your values, offer understanding, take risks, and speak from your heart. Learning new skills takes time, energy and effort. However, it’s entirely possible to radically shift the way we communicate. The key is patience, persistence, and taking it one...

Understanding Selfishness, Self-Responsibility, and Self-Care

Article • 6 - 9 minutes • 11/2020
Article
6 - 9 minutes
11/2020
What we refer to as "selfishness" is action taken without concern for the impact or cost of that action. Self-responsibility, on the other hand, includes actively living from the truth of interdependence, care for your and others needs, thriving of all, and more. We can access clarity of self care when we have open flexibility, curiosity, and responsiveness. Read on for more on the indicators...

Self Responsibility

Article • 6 - 9 minutes • 12/2011
Article
6 - 9 minutes
12/2011
Being self-responsible is about empowerment — via noticing what is potentially in our locus of control, getting to know ourselves better, looking at our own role in how we experience life, and making conscious choices to act within our own power. This requires us to be mindful in relating our stories to our needs. Read on for more on this, and the various pifalls within thinking about self...

Getting Your Needs Met

Trainer Tip • 1 - 2 minutes • 10/2005
Trainer Tip
1 - 2 minutes
10/2005
We can ask for what we want but if we repeatedly don’t get it from one source, it's our responsibility to find a new way to get it. We don’t honor our relationships when we insist that people who are unavailable or unwilling to support us meet our needs. Read on for related a parable about a woman persistently asking to get milk from a hardware store.

How I Changed My Relationship to Time

Article • 8 - 12 minutes • 1/2012
Article
8 - 12 minutes
1/2012
What would happen if you considered that time is a concept, and that it doesn't rule your life? What would it mean to make all choices based on needs and not on time? Do you obey the external rhythm of the clock over and above the internal rhythm of your life energy? This is an invitation into more responsibility, awareness, honesty, choice and freedom.

The Three Stages of Emotional Liberation

Trainer Tip • 1 - 2 minutes • 10/2005
Trainer Tip
1 - 2 minutes
10/2005
Trainer tip: Read on for the three stages of emotional maturity. In the third stage, we integrate the first two stages. We come to realize that everyone is responsible for their own feelings, but we also recognize our role if we do something that stimulates pain in another person. We also start to value the needs of everyone, rather than just one party's needs over the other.

Catch Unhealthy Relationship Dynamics Early

Article • 4-6 minutes • 05/2019
Article
4-6 minutes
05/2019
Little negative impacts can become big when left unattended. Watch for things like using a sharp tone, choosing not to share something, going along with something when you don’t really want to, trying to convince your partner, impulsively turning away, shrinking, losing access to parts of yourself, hiding, daydreaming about a different life, and judgmental thoughts. Instead, shift the dynamic:...

Healing From Betrayal

Article • 5- 8 minutes • 07/2019
Article
5- 8 minutes
07/2019
Repairing betrayal may include rebuilding self trust, getting support, empathy on both sides over time, and new agreements. Even though your (in)actions don't "cause" someone's behavior, acknowledging any part you played in creating conditions for the behaviors to arise, can support repair. Trust builds slowly as new skills, ways of relating and experiences that reflect honesty, self...

Responding to Criticism: At Work and At Home

Article • 7 - 11 minutes • 5/2019
Article
7 - 11 minutes
5/2019
In general, criticism is a reactive response discomfort. When someone criticizes, they are not yet able or willing take responsibility for their needs. All criticism is a tragic expression of feelings and unmet needs. When you meet that criticism skillfully you not only care for yourself, you can facilitate clarity, and constructive communication, about what the other person is truly asking for.

Interdependence vs. Dependence/Independence

Trainer Tip • 1 - 2 minutes • 10/2005
Trainer Tip
1 - 2 minutes
10/2005
Trainer tip: NVC consciousness recognizes interdependence. In this process each person is autonomous; everyone's needs matter; people have choice and responsibility for their actions; there's abundance, and a valuing of coming together. The dependence / independence paradigm assumes we either need someone else to be whole -- or we don’t need others at all. Commit to living autonomously. Notice...

3 Simple Steps to Set The Boundaries You Need

Article • 3 - 5 minutes • 07/2019
Article
3 - 5 minutes
07/2019
Resentment is one sign that you need a boundary. You can set a boundary by requesting the behavior that would be most meaningful to you. Include why that behavior would be meaningful to you and share vulnerably. Then notice if you are holding any blame and ask yourself, “What do I need to feel underneath my blame?” If you can take responsibility for those feelings with compassion, the other...

What is Nonviolent Communication?

Trainer Tip • 1 - 2 minutes • 10/2005
Trainer Tip
1 - 2 minutes
10/2005
Trainer tip: NVC focuses on shared human values and needs, and encourages the use of language that increases good will -- plus avoidance of language that contributes to resentment or lowered self-esteem. It emphasizes taking personal responsibility for choices and improving the quality of relationships as a primary goal. For today, focus on making observations without moralistic judgment in at...

Embracing Leadership within Yourself (4 Session Course)

Audio • 4 - 6 hours • 02/13/2015
Audio
4 - 6 hours
02/13/2015
Join Miki as she covers a lot of territory, defining leadership, helping us lead when we're not in the leadership chair, showing us how to have power in every moment and engage our fear instead of let it run us. Get some powerful leadership tools you can put to use today. The first session of this course is available for all to listen to and enjoy.

Anger’s Two Kinds of Reactivity

Article • 6 - 9 minutes • 10/2015
Article
6 - 9 minutes
10/2015
There's reactive anger - the sudden outbursts of words, temper or action that create a nervous system response in another. And then there's the anger that's a reaction to someone's anger -- a nervous system startle-response. Instead of either of these, we can learn to heal with empathy, look for unequal power dynamics, take responsibility to make repairs, and shift into the clean, life-serving,...

Social Dynamics During the Holidays

Trainer Tip • 2 - 3 minutes • 12/2004
Trainer Tip
2 - 3 minutes
12/2004
During the holiday season we may find ourselves taking responsibility for other's feelings, which can lead to guilt, shame, depression, and resentment. These feelings are exacerbated by the habitual pattern we call the "Vortex of Submission" (being hooked by a sense of duty and obligation). Read on for ways to recognize and break the pattern.

Tips for the Road Series: Tip 7. Talk about Conflict When You’re Not in Conflict

Trainer Tip • 4 - 6 minutes • 01/2016
Trainer Tip
4 - 6 minutes
01/2016
Conflict is a normal and natural part of life. To varying degrees, it happens whenever two or more people consistently spend time together. Resolving conflict effectively and peacefully, in a way in which all parties feel respected and valued, does not feel natural for those of us who grew up with punitive, adversarial, or avoidant approaches to conflict. Eric offers some tips for approaching...