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NVC Resources on Responsibility


Patterns That Perpetuate Conflict - Part 2 of 2

Patterns That Perpetuate Conflict - Part 2 of 2

Patterns That Perpetuate Conflict - Part 2 of 2

with Bob Wentworth
Article • 8 - 12 minutes • 
Article
8 - 12 minutes
Here we explore variants of conflict patterns in part two (of this two part series) that include: refuting "straw man arguments"; not checking understanding, repeating unhelpful behaviour; repeatedly asking for what's already given; asserting rather than demonstrating responsiveness; assumptions; denying conflict exists; neglecting interdependence; stonewalling; absence of curiosity, humility,...
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Catch Unhealthy Relationship Dynamics Early

Catch Unhealthy Relationship Dynamics Early

Catch Unhealthy Relationship Dynamics Early

with LaShelle Lowe-Chardé
Article • 4-6 minutes • 
Article
4-6 minutes
Little negative impacts can become big when left unattended. Watch for things like using a sharp tone, choosing not to share something, going along with something when you don’t really want to, trying to convince your partner, impulsively turning away, shrinking, losing access to parts of yourself, hiding, daydreaming about a different life, and judgmental thoughts. Instead, shift the dynamic:...
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Social Dynamics During the Holidays

Social Dynamics During the Holidays

Social Dynamics During the Holidays

with Jori Manske
Trainer Tip • 2 - 3 minutes • 
Trainer Tip
2 - 3 minutes
During the holiday season we may find ourselves taking responsibility for other's feelings, which can lead to guilt, shame, depression, and resentment. These feelings are exacerbated by the habitual pattern we call the "Vortex of Submission" (being hooked by a sense of duty and obligation). Read on for ways to recognize and break the pattern.
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What is Nonviolent Communication?

What is Nonviolent Communication?

What is Nonviolent Communication?

with Mary Mackenzie
Trainer Tip • 1 - 2 minutes • 
Trainer Tip
1 - 2 minutes
Trainer tip: NVC focuses on shared human values and needs, and encourages the use of language that increases good will -- plus avoidance of language that contributes to resentment or lowered self-esteem. It emphasizes taking personal responsibility for choices and improving the quality of relationships as a primary goal. For today, focus on making observations without moralistic judgment in at...
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Anger’s Two Kinds of Reactivity

Anger’s Two Kinds of Reactivity

Anger’s Two Kinds of Reactivity

with Sarah Peyton
Article • 6 - 9 minutes • 
Article
6 - 9 minutes
There's reactive anger - the sudden outbursts of words, temper or action that create a nervous system response in another. And then there's the anger that's a reaction to someone's anger -- a nervous system startle-response. Instead of either of these, we can learn to heal with empathy, look for unequal power dynamics, take responsibility to make repairs, and shift into the clean, life-serving,...
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Responding to Criticism: At Work and At Home

Responding to Criticism: At Work and At Home

Responding to Criticism: At Work and At Home

with LaShelle Lowe-Chardé
Article • 7 - 11 minutes • 
Article
7 - 11 minutes
In general, criticism is a reactive response discomfort. When someone criticizes, they are not yet able or willing take responsibility for their needs. All criticism is a tragic expression of feelings and unmet needs. When you meet that criticism skillfully you not only care for yourself, you can facilitate clarity, and constructive communication, about what the other person is truly asking for.
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3 Simple Steps to Set The Boundaries You Need

3 Simple Steps to Set The Boundaries You Need

3 Simple Steps to Set The Boundaries You Need

with Erin Merrihew
Article • 3 - 5 minutes • 
Article
3 - 5 minutes
Resentment is one sign that you need a boundary. You can set a boundary by requesting the behavior that would be most meaningful to you. Include why that behavior would be meaningful to you and share vulnerably. Then notice if you are holding any blame and ask yourself, “What do I need to feel underneath my blame?” If you can take responsibility for those feelings with compassion, the other...
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Increasing Your Capacity to Feel

Increasing Your Capacity to Feel

Increasing Your Capacity to Feel

with Eric Bowers
Article • 4 - 6 minutes • 
Article
4 - 6 minutes
What's really going on underneath the surface when we bring or encounter blame, judgements, pain -- and thereby the inability to empathize, be present, attuned, or responsive? Why does this happen even if one or more people in a relationship dynamic is working hard at bringing in an NVC response? This article addresses these and more questions from the perspective of how our brains are affected...
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Contributing to Emotional Safety Without Giving Up Honesty

Contributing to Emotional Safety Without Giving Up Honesty

Contributing to Emotional Safety Without Giving Up Honesty

with LaShelle Lowe-Chardé
Article • 5 - 7 minutes • 
Article
5 - 7 minutes
Even in a conflict, you can offer emotional safety without being enmeshed -- and you can do this without sliding into strategies to gain power over another. You can prioritize connection, express your intention, make space for mutuality, honestly reveal what you care about and propose a way forward. This means caring for your needs regardless of their response -- and mourning if their response...
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The Building Blocks of Interpersonal Collaboration (4 Session Course)

The Building Blocks of Interpersonal Collaboration (4 Session Course)

The Building Blocks of Interpersonal Collaboration (4 Session Course)

with System Administrator
Audio • 5 -7 hours • 
Audio
5 -7 hours
Don’t know how to effectively work through differences with others in your organization? You are not alone… Like most of us, you simply lack the training and skills – and that’s what you’ll acquire listening to this course recording. Join Miki and learn specific tools and tips that work – for everyone!
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The Inside Job of Collaboration (4 Session Course)

The Inside Job of Collaboration (4 Session Course)

The Inside Job of Collaboration (4 Session Course)

with Miki Kashtan
Audio • 5 - 7 hours • 
Audio
5 - 7 hours
Although we are evolutionarily designed for collaborating with others when attending to our basic needs, the weight of the systems and cultural messages we have inherited interfere. Many of us are doubtful that collaboration is possible or effective, and most of us lack both the faith and the skills to live collaboratively, regardless of cultural imperatives. Miki helps us navigate this terrain.
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How to Balance Differentiation and Bonding

How to Balance Differentiation and Bonding

How to Balance Differentiation and Bonding

with LaShelle Lowe-Chardé
Article • 5 -7 minutes • 
Article
5 -7 minutes
When a relationship has both differentiation and bonding you can express differences and unmet needs, and responsibly do your own thing without it being a threat to the bond with another. You honor each others choices. There's trust rather than a sense of resentful obligation. Needs-based negotiation is easier. See if you tend to emphasize only differentiation or bonding in your relationships....
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How To Move Through Your Triggers Faster

How To Move Through Your Triggers Faster

How To Move Through Your Triggers Faster

with Erin Merrihew
Article • 4 - 6 minutes • 
Article
4 - 6 minutes
After acknowledging the impact others have on us, you can ask yourself "What am I telling myself?" and "If that’s true, what am I afraid will happen?". The more present, gentle and compassionate you can be with the underlying feelings, the faster you can move through your trigger. Then you're more likely to respond in ways that feel, kind, responsible, intelligent and aligned for you.
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Making Demands

Making Demands

Making Demands

with Mary Mackenzie
Trainer Tip • 1 - 2 minutes • 
Trainer Tip
1 - 2 minutes
When we ask something of a person and threaten negative repercussions if she doesn’t comply, we're making a demand. Demands limit the possible responses and reduce joyful participation. Instead, look to find mutually satisfying resolutions. And look for ways to change your demand into a request. Read on for more.
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Helping Another Find Willingess

Helping Another Find Willingess

Helping Another Find Willingess

with LaShelle Lowe-Chardé
Article • 4-6 minutes • 
Article
4-6 minutes
Is there someone you wish was more willing? Try guessing what obstacles they might be struggling with. And allow yourself to feel your grief. As you grapple with your own desire for someone to find their willingness, its essential to recognize that this is about you and your needs. You can also express your needs honestly, make requests for how to collaborate, and be responsive to what they...
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Living with the Power of Gratitude (2 Session Course)

Living with the Power of Gratitude (2 Session Course)

Living with the Power of Gratitude (2 Session Course)

with Hema Pokharna PhD
Audio • 1 hour, 16 minutes • 
Audio
1 hour, 16 minutes
Hema Pokharna shares how truly becoming a healing influence in this world, requires we each be powerful in a balanced, spiritually mature and responsible way. To a large extent, we need to develop our own healthy way of being powerful, gratitiude is a key.
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