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NVC Resources with LaShelle Lowe-Chardé


Six Ways That Support You Being Heard

Practice Exercise • 6 - 9 minutes • 12/30/2021
Practice Exercise
6 - 9 minutes
12/30/2021
When you don't have a sense of being heard you can apply skills to help you can interrupt cycles of reactivity and resentment, and create connection. Let's look at six ways that will support you in being heard. These are clarity about the topic and needs; supportive conditions; respect for autonomy; sharing your intention; attending to emotional security; and making clear requests.

Understanding The Difference Between Life-Serving Boundaries And Threats

Practice Exercise • 4 - 6 minutes • 12/30/2021
Practice Exercise
4 - 6 minutes
12/30/2021
When someone's behavior costs us, we may attempt to negotiate as much as possible. After some rounds of this, if there's no change we may reach a tolerance limit. So we may set a boundary for self care and clarity about what's unworkable. But depending on intentions and the way its said, this may or may not be a punishment to get even. Here, clarity about intentions, feelings, needs, actions...

Keys To Building Trust After Broken Agreements

Practice Exercise • 3 - 5 minutes • 12/2/2021
Practice Exercise
3 - 5 minutes
12/2/2021
Building trust involves each person taking responsibility for what they want by identifying their needs, and making specific and doable requests that open a negotiation. Identify in what contexts you already have trust, what you want to be able to trust, and how you may be blocking or cultivating that trust. Making requests for specific actions of what to do differently can also help.

Wishing For More Maturity & Skill In Others

Practice Exercise • 3-5 minutes • 12/2/2021
Practice Exercise
3-5 minutes
12/2/2021
In some situations you might expect people to show a degree of maturity or skill. When they don't, your anger-fueled response doesn't lead to lasting improved relationship change. Instead, find someone who retains focus on your feelings and needs rather than colluding with you about what should(n't) be. This can support greater acceptance, grief, vulnerability, groundedness and discernment,...

How to Balance Differentiation and Bonding

Article • 5 -7 minutes • 10/29/2021
Article
5 -7 minutes
10/29/2021
When a relationship has both differentiation and bonding you can express differences and unmet needs, and responsibly do your own thing without it being a threat to the bond with another. You honor each others choices. There's trust rather than a sense of resentful obligation. Needs-based negotiation is easier. See if you tend to emphasize only differentiation or bonding in your relationships....

Responding To "Power Over" Interactions

Article • 5 - 7 minutes • 10/29/2021
Article
5 - 7 minutes
10/29/2021
Based on your observations of "power with" interactions choose a specific, do-able to practice so that you're prepared the next time you're in a power under/power over dynamic. Keep the practice simple to do in a difficult moment. Then reflect: identify what you did (internally or externally) or said that (de)escalated the dynamic. This practice requires noticing what went well, self...

Four Choices For Responding To Indirect Criticism Or Judgement

Article • 4 - 6 minutes • 10/09//2021
Article
4 - 6 minutes
10/09//2021
However indirectly expressed, any judgement or criticism is about the person's own thoughts, feelings, needs, and requests.This awareness can help you take people's comments less personally, and give you options: silent self-empathy, standing in your truth, contact and curiosity, and honest expression.

How To Stay Grounded In A Reactive Moment: Observing, Anchoring And Reflecting

Article • 4 - 6 minutes • 9/29//2021
Article
4 - 6 minutes
9/29//2021
To shift reactivity by moving yourself from the position of experiencer to observer, name what’s happening. This can help you access other skills for managing reactivity. Also, create a strong emotional anchor.

Contemplative Practice For Spiritual Insight

Article • 3 - 5 minutes • 9/29/2021
Article
3 - 5 minutes
9/29/2021
A structured and clear contemplative practice can start with calming the body, heart, and mind for 20 minutes. Next, it contains at least three key elements: body awareness, clarifying what you already know, and consistent sustained attention. Celebrate and note insights, or any expanded perspective that pops into your awareness. Set an intention to notice these things in daily life and to...

Understanding How Shame Hinders Clear Requests

Article • 3 - 5 minutes • 9/24/2021
Article
3 - 5 minutes
9/24/2021
It may be challenging to hear or make requests when you feel shame regarding anyone's feelings and needs. Without support, shame could be debilitating, so you may feel resistant and become defensive, hear threat, or criticize others. Instead, be with people who allow space for vulnerability. Find ways to celebrate, negotiate, be mindful, accepting, and creative.

Being Yourself And Asking For What You Want

Article • 7 - 11 minutes • 9/18/2021
Article
7 - 11 minutes
9/18/2021
Let's look at the resources, awareness, and skills needed to ask for emotional attunement, celebration, relatedness, perspective, understanding, advice, and information. This includes expressing appreciation for what's supporting your needs, strengthening a sense of worthiness, and awareness of your reactivity and intention. Plus, making requests that are clear, specific, doable and creates a...

How To Distinguish True Caring From Being Charmed

Article • 4-6 minutes • 9/2/2021
Article
4-6 minutes
9/2/2021
The attention you enjoy may not be motivated by true caring for you. There are three key questions that can help you discern whether you are receiving care or charm: How does caring show up under duress? How are differences treated? How consistent is the ability to consider the impact of their behavior on others? Be mindful of your judgments and notice any patterns.

What To Do When They Never Want to Talk About It

Article • 5 - 7 minutes • 09/2019
Article
5 - 7 minutes
09/2019
When someone doesn't want to talk some options include releasing your attachment to the strategy you want, asking about and affirming with empathy their reasons for not talking, looking for what support could be helpful to shift to more openness, letting go, and grieving. Read on for more on this, including possible reasons for why they might not want to engage on it.

To Vaccinate or Not to Vaccinate - How to Connect With What Matters

Article • 8 - 12 minutes • 8/2021
Article
8 - 12 minutes
8/2021
To help you stay connected to yourself and the other person when in challenging discussions about COVID-19 vaccines or other hot issues, without labeling others as reactive or otherwise, you can begin by tracking signs of your own reactivity to bring mindfulness onboard, then shifting your attention to universal needs; and asking to connect about it later. Read on for more.

Create Mutuality Rather Than Keeping Score

Article • 3 - 5 minutes • 2/2021
Article
3 - 5 minutes
2/2021
Where do you feel desperation, resentment, anger about your partner's choices? What do you want to demand of them? Rather than looking for what they're suppose to do, look for your feelings and needs, how would you would respond if you trusted your needs could be met without your partner, and what you choose to do given what your partner offers and does not offer.

Understanding Earned Authority and Dissolving Projections Through Boundaries and Shared Humanity

Article • 6 - 9 minutes • 3/2021
Article
6 - 9 minutes
3/2021
Someone may give more weight to your ideas, decisions, and directives based on your experience and what you've learned. This could influence them to project their ideals, fears, hopes, and more onto you. In this case, you can help transform this and contribute to their connection to their own agency, authenticity, and self-trust -- while supporting their ability to learn from what you have to...