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NVC Resources with LaShelle Lowe-Chardé



Interrupt Emotional Shut Down

Article • Read time: 3- 5 minutes
All Skill Levels
Article
Read time: 3- 5 minutes
In times of stress, some part of you may still hold the belief that you can't be present for the stressor and survive. Some part of you may believe you have to go away. There are three things you can consider when attempting to intervene with the reactive pattern of shutting down: how you relate to the shutting down, access to self-confidence, and engagement. Read on for more.

Signs of Healthy Differentiation With Empathy

Article • Read time: 4- 6 minutes
All Skill Levels
Article
Read time: 4- 6 minutes
If you ask for or give empathy and are met with accusations of codependency, there are a number of things you can do to check that you are coming from a place of healthy differentiation. You can see if you're doing so from a place of healthy differentiation -- and notice signs of healthy differentiation when you offer empathy. You can also bring a profound respect for differences, and clear...

Contributing to Emotional Safety Without Giving Up Honesty

Article • Read time: 5 - 7 minutes
Beginner Skill Level
Article
Read time: 5 - 7 minutes
Even in a conflict, you can offer emotional safety without being enmeshed -- and you can do this without sliding into strategies to gain power over another. You can prioritize connection, express your intention, make space for mutuality, honestly reveal what you care about and propose a way forward. This means caring for your needs regardless of their response -- and mourning if their response...

Finding Worthiness and Belonging

Article • Read time: 4 - 6 minutes
All Skill Levels
Article
Read time: 4 - 6 minutes
Worthlessness and shame are linked to the idea of not belonging or being unworthy of belonging -- that is, a deep sense of belonging to life, to your sense of self, and to our earth. Compensatory strategies to win worthiness and belonging arise from here and effectively block the very thing it is pursuing. Transformation occurs when there is a critical mass of clarity about the harm of a...

Grounded Responses for Challenging Comments

Article • Read time: 3 - 5 minutes
Beginner Skill Level
Article
Read time: 3 - 5 minutes
When someone responds with painful sarcasm, criticism, or dismissal you can respond with empathy, or with clarity about your intention, need and request. If you're unable to do this, later you can privately write what they said, identify the feelings and needs of both of you, then write possible responses. This can help you remember to stay with your intention and what’s true for you without...

How To Interrupt Tragic Cycles That Prevent Collaboration

Article • Read time: 6 - 9 minutes
Beginner Skill Level
Article
Read time: 6 - 9 minutes
Interrupt cycles of conflict by creating a new ways forward. You can do this by connecting with the energy of the met needs you want in the dynamic; guessing the other person's needs; naming your needs; asking essential questions; identifying at least three different strategies to meet each need; and imagining the positive outcome.

Making Requests for Respect

Article • Read time: 3 - 5 minutes
Beginner Skill Level
Article
Read time: 3 - 5 minutes
When asking for respect it helps to first get clear about your interpretations of other's behavior. You can do this by asking about the other's intentions before believing your thoughts. You can also make a clear request for what specifically you want to see happen instead. Read on for more.

Understanding Selfishness, Self-Responsibility, and Self-Care

Article • Read time: 6 - 9 minutes
All Skill Levels
Article
Read time: 6 - 9 minutes
What we refer to as "selfishness" is action taken without concern for the impact or cost of that action. Self-responsibility, on the other hand, includes actively living from the truth of interdependence, care for your and others needs, thriving of all, and more. We can access clarity of self care when we have open flexibility, curiosity, and responsiveness. Read on for more on the indicators...

Facing the Holidays in a Pandemic

Article • Read time: 4 - 6 minutes
Beginner Skill Level
Article
Read time: 4 - 6 minutes
The pandemic asks us to examine the way we have always done things. It asks to try something new and notice what happens. This is an opportunity to ask why you have done holidays in a certain way and what needs it met to do it that way. Perhaps it is an opportunity to experiment and see what new things might arise. Read on for questions to ask yourself that might help you process your triggers,...

Grief and Mourning for the World

Article • Read time: 5-7 minutes
Beginner Skill Level
Article
Read time: 5-7 minutes
As you witness injustices in the world, tension, anger, hopelessness, despair and more, may rise up in you. These feelings may lead to reactive thinking that doesn't contribute to healing nor wise action. Mourning is a universal need. If your culture pushed away grief and its emotional expression, you may have habits that block your access to the aliveness of grief. Read on for ways to give...

3 Key Principles for Successful Needs Based Negotiation

Article • Read time: 5-7 minutes
Beginner Skill Level
Article
Read time: 5-7 minutes
There are many layers of consciousness, knowledge, and skill that contribute to a successful negotiation. A successful negotiation is one where honor and connection lead to a way forward, and leads to a plan of action that considers and meets everyone's needs in that situation. Read on for three fundamental principles that help with successful needs-based negotiation.

Free Your Heart From the "Difficult" Person

Article • Read time: 6-9 minutes
Beginner Skill Level
Article
Read time: 6-9 minutes
Reacting is deciding what to do based on what someone else does. Responding is deciding what to do based on your own needs and values. When someone isn't responding the way you want, and you want to respond in a way that embodies your values, with warmth and patience, examine your reactions. Ask yourself how you can access compassion and action that contributes to the well-being of all.

Staying Self-Connected in a Challenging Dialogue

Article • Read time: 6-9 minutes
Beginner Skill Level
Article
Read time: 6-9 minutes
When we're judging we're less able to access both what we care about and constructive next actions. Instead, create more internal space and agency starting with connecting to your feelings and needs; then feel your grief or disappointment; followed by getting curious about the other party's needs and context -- and then based on collective needs and the long term effects make requests or take...

The Mobilizing Power of Anger

Article • Read time: 3-5 minutes
All Skill Levels
Article
Read time: 3-5 minutes
Anger can result in violence or in a movement towards positive change. We can see this happen in the push for racial justice. When you perceive anger as a form of violence your nervous system becomes activated. Your perspective narrows and old conditioning can take over leading to overwhelm, defensiveness, hatred, or violence. Read on for four ways to to respond to our own or others' anger in a...

3 Strategies for Working With Worry

Article • Read time: 4-6 minutes
Beginner Skill Level
Article
Read time: 4-6 minutes
Follow worry to the underlying universal need and discern wise action. To get there, we can try out prayer, wishes, savoring the need, or compassionate witnessing. If you notice and name the aspects of worry continuously, the compassionate witnessing practice will interrupt the habitual spinning of worry-filled stories. There are at least six things you can witness with curiosity. Read on for...

Finding Agency and Seeing Shame

Article • Read time: 3-5 minutes
Intermediate Skill Level
Article
Read time: 3-5 minutes
The ability to identify your needs and take effective action to meet them is one way to define agency. Access to agency is complex and varies widely from person to person. Access to agency depends upon a variety of conditions. For example, if you struggle with agency, shame may tell you that you're broken in some way. If agency comes easily in an area, then you may view others who struggle with...

Distinguishing Life-Serving Boundaries From Requests

Article • Read time: 3-5 minutes
Intermediate Skill Level
Article
Read time: 3-5 minutes
For effective dialogue clarify your needs, boundaries, and requests beforehand. Setting boundaries is telling someone what you're going to do in order to meet or protect needs for yourself or others. Whereas with requests, even if you have preferences, you still hold open curiosity about strategies to collaborate with others in meeting needs. Read on for more.

Finding Security in the Face of Fear

Article • Read time: 4-6 minutes
All Skill Levels
Article
Read time: 4-6 minutes
In pandemic we can notice where we seek security. For some, financial systems that seemed to offer security have suddenly become unpredictable. For others, living without such privilege, resources are even more difficult to access. And we become more vulnerable to illness and death. These changes can trigger fear, but also motivate choices that contribute to a sense of security. Read on for more.

How To Listen and Find Aliveness in Containment

Article • Read time: 5-9 minutes
Intermediate Skill Level
Article
Read time: 5-9 minutes
Physical distancing is opportunity to creatively to meet your needs in new ways. In this containment, with very few cues from others and the environment you now have a rare opportunity with less external distraction to rethink what's truly supportive -- and make significant changes to the less noticable habits of mind, standards and "should's". Applying questions and noticing certain symptoms...

Feelings vs Interpretations

Article • Read time: 1-2 minutes
Beginner Skill Level
Article
Read time: 1-2 minutes
Here's a list of words that pose as feelings, but are actually interpretations of what you think someone is doing to you. They trigger defensiveness in another thereby preventing a connected dialogue. Behind each of these words are precious feelings and needs. This sheet includes ways to distinguish feelings from interpretations.

 
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