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NVC Resources with LaShelle Lowe-Chardé


How To Distinguish True Caring From Being Charmed

Article • 4-6 minutes • 9/2/2021
Article
4-6 minutes
9/2/2021
The attention you enjoy may not be motivated by true caring for you. There are three key questions that can help you discern whether you are receiving care or charm: How does caring show up under duress? How are differences treated? How consistent is the ability to consider the impact of their behavior on others? Be mindful of your judgments and notice any patterns.

What To Do When They Never Want to Talk About It

Article • 5 - 7 minutes • 09/2019
Article
5 - 7 minutes
09/2019
When someone doesn't want to talk some options include releasing your attachment to the strategy you want, asking about and affirming with empathy their reasons for not talking, looking for what support could be helpful to shift to more openness, letting go, and grieving. Read on for more on this, including possible reasons for why they might not want to engage on it.

To Vaccinate or Not to Vaccinate - How to Connect With What Matters

Article • 8 - 12 minutes • 8/2021
Article
8 - 12 minutes
8/2021
To help you stay connected to yourself and the other person when in challenging discussions about COVID-19 vaccines or other hot issues, without labeling others as reactive or otherwise, you can begin by tracking signs of your own reactivity to bring mindfulness onboard, then shifting your attention to universal needs; and asking to connect about it later. Read on for more.

Create Mutuality Rather Than Keeping Score

Article • 3 - 5 minutes • 2/2021
Article
3 - 5 minutes
2/2021
Where do you feel desperation, resentment, anger about your partner's choices? What do you want to demand of them? Rather than looking for what they're suppose to do, look for your feelings and needs, how would you would respond if you trusted your needs could be met without your partner, and what you choose to do given what your partner offers and does not offer.

Understanding Earned Authority and Dissolving Projections Through Boundaries and Shared Humanity

Article • 6 - 9 minutes • 3/2021
Article
6 - 9 minutes
3/2021
Someone may give more weight to your ideas, decisions, and directives based on your experience and what you've learned. This could influence them to project their ideals, fears, hopes, and more onto you. In this case, you can help transform this and contribute to their connection to their own agency, authenticity, and self-trust -- while supporting their ability to learn from what you have to...

How to Respect Boundaries When Offering Empathy

Article • 6 - 9 minutes • 6/2020
Article
6 - 9 minutes
6/2020
Sometimes the empathy you offer may stimulate disconnect or a sense of boundary crossing for the other person. To identify what might have contributed to the disconnect you can look for the signs, the level of attunement and the context, and examine what's happening in you. Read on for more.

Understanding and Transforming Anger

Article • 6 - 9 minutes • 01/2021
Article
6 - 9 minutes
01/2021
Anger can alert us that a need may be threatened. When anger lives in someone as a well-worn habit, it arises from a place of dissociation from one’s heart and is entangled with misinterpretations, a deep sense of threat, a history of pain, and social conditioning that isn’t life-serving. Read on for how intention, mindfulness, and specific actions can change that habit.

Healing Worthlessness and Finding Belonging

Article • 4- 6 minutes • 02/2021
Article
4- 6 minutes
02/2021
With worthlessness comes the idea of not belonging or not being worthy of belonging. In this context, belonging is more than an identity with a particular group. It is the sort of belonging that enables you to get other fundamental needs met, including safety, support, nourishment, and love. Unconscious attempts win worthiness and belonging often effectively blocks the very thing its pursuing....

Interrupt Emotional Shut Down

Article • 3- 5 minutes • 09/2020
Article
3- 5 minutes
09/2020
In times of stress, some part of you may still hold the belief that you can't be present for the stressor and survive. Some part of you may believe you have to go away. There are three things you can consider when attempting to intervene with the reactive pattern of shutting down: how you relate to the shutting down, access to self-confidence, and engagement. Read on for more.

Healing From Betrayal

Article • 5- 8 minutes • 07/2019
Article
5- 8 minutes
07/2019
Repairing betrayal may include rebuilding self trust, getting support, empathy on both sides over time, and new agreements. Even though your (in)actions don't "cause" someone's behavior, acknowledging any part you played in creating conditions for the behaviors to arise, can support repair. Trust builds slowly as new skills, ways of relating and experiences that reflect honesty, self...

Signs of Healthy Differentiation With Empathy

Article • 4- 6 minutes • 08/2020
Article
4- 6 minutes
08/2020
If you ask for or give empathy and are met with accusations of codependency, there are a number of things you can do to check that you are coming from a place of healthy differentiation. You can see if you're doing so from a place of healthy differentiation -- and notice signs of healthy differentiation when you offer empathy. You can also bring a profound respect for differences, and clear...

Contributing to Emotional Safety Without Giving Up Honesty

Article • 5 - 7 minutes • 02/2020
Article
5 - 7 minutes
02/2020
Even in a conflict, you can offer emotional safety without being enmeshed -- and you can do this without sliding into strategies to gain power over another. You can prioritize connection, express your intention, make space for mutuality, honestly reveal what you care about and propose a way forward. This means caring for your needs regardless of their response -- and mourning if their response...

Finding Worthiness and Belonging

Article • 4 - 6 minutes • 03/2020
Article
4 - 6 minutes
03/2020
Worthlessness and shame are linked to the idea of not belonging or being unworthy of belonging -- that is, a deep sense of belonging to life, to your sense of self, and to our earth. Compensatory strategies to win worthiness and belonging arise from here and effectively block the very thing it is pursuing. Transformation occurs when there is a critical mass of clarity about the harm of a...

Grounded Responses for Challenging Comments

Article • 3 - 5 minutes • 09/2019
Article
3 - 5 minutes
09/2019
When someone responds with painful sarcasm, criticism, or dismissal you can respond with empathy, or with clarity about your intention, need and request. If you're unable to do this, later you can privately write what they said, identify the feelings and needs of both of you, then write possible responses. This can help you remember to stay with your intention and what’s true for you without...

How To Interrupt Tragic Cycles That Prevent Collaboration

Article • 6 - 9 minutes • 12/2020
Article
6 - 9 minutes
12/2020
Interrupt cycles of conflict by creating a new ways forward. You can do this by connecting with the energy of the met needs you want in the dynamic; guessing the other person's needs; naming your needs; asking essential questions; identifying at least three different strategies to meet each need; and imagining the positive outcome.

Understanding Selfishness, Self-Responsibility, and Self-Care

Article • 6 - 9 minutes • 11/2020
Article
6 - 9 minutes
11/2020
What we refer to as "selfishness" is action taken without concern for the impact or cost of that action. Self-responsibility, on the other hand, includes actively living from the truth of interdependence, care for your and others needs, thriving of all, and more. We can access clarity of self care when we have open flexibility, curiosity, and responsiveness. Read on for more on the indicators...

Facing the Holidays in a Pandemic

Article • 4 - 6 minutes • 11/2020
Article
4 - 6 minutes
11/2020
The pandemic asks us to examine the way we have always done things. It asks to try something new and notice what happens. This is an opportunity to ask why you have done holidays in a certain way and what needs it met to do it that way. Perhaps it is an opportunity to experiment and see what new things might arise. Read on for questions to ask yourself that might help you process your triggers,...

Grief and Mourning for the World

Article • 5-7 minutes • 10/2020
Article
5-7 minutes
10/2020
As you witness injustices in the world, tension, anger, hopelessness, despair and more, may rise up in you. These feelings may lead to reactive thinking that doesn't contribute to healing nor wise action. Mourning is a universal need. If your culture pushed away grief and its emotional expression, you may have habits that block your access to the aliveness of grief. Read on for ways to give...