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NVC Resources with LaShelle Lowe-Chardé


How to Balance Differentiation and Bonding

Article • 5 -7 minutes • 10/29/2021
Article
5 -7 minutes
10/29/2021
When a relationship has both differentiation and bonding you can express differences and unmet needs, and responsibly do your own thing without it being a threat to the bond with another. You honor each others choices. There's trust rather than a sense of resentful obligation. Needs-based negotiation is easier. See if you tend to emphasize only differentiation or bonding in your relationships....

Responding To "Power Over" Interactions

Article • 5 - 7 minutes • 10/29/2021
Article
5 - 7 minutes
10/29/2021
Based on your observations of "power with" interactions choose a specific, do-able to practice so that you're prepared the next time you're in a power under/power over dynamic. Keep the practice simple to do in a difficult moment. Then reflect: identify what you did (internally or externally) or said that (de)escalated the dynamic. This practice requires noticing what went well, self...

Four Choices For Responding To Indirect Criticism Or Judgement

Article • 4 - 6 minutes • 10/09//2021
Article
4 - 6 minutes
10/09//2021
However indirectly expressed, any judgement or criticism is about the person's own thoughts, feelings, needs, and requests.This awareness can help you take people's comments less personally, and give you options: silent self-empathy, standing in your truth, contact and curiosity, and honest expression.

How To Stay Grounded In A Reactive Moment: Observing, Anchoring And Reflecting

Article • 4 - 6 minutes • 9/29//2021
Article
4 - 6 minutes
9/29//2021
To shift reactivity by moving yourself from the position of experiencer to observer, name what’s happening. This can help you access other skills for managing reactivity. Also, create a strong emotional anchor.

Contemplative Practice For Spiritual Insight

Article • 3 - 5 minutes • 9/29/2021
Article
3 - 5 minutes
9/29/2021
A structured and clear contemplative practice can start with calming the body, heart, and mind for 20 minutes. Next, it contains at least three key elements: body awareness, clarifying what you already know, and consistent sustained attention. Celebrate and note insights, or any expanded perspective that pops into your awareness. Set an intention to notice these things in daily life and to...

Understanding How Shame Hinders Clear Requests

Article • 3 - 5 minutes • 9/24/2021
Article
3 - 5 minutes
9/24/2021
It may be challenging to hear or make requests when you feel shame regarding anyone's feelings and needs. Without support, shame could be debilitating, so you may feel resistant and become defensive, hear threat, or criticize others. Instead, be with people who allow space for vulnerability. Find ways to celebrate, negotiate, be mindful, accepting, and creative.

Being Yourself And Asking For What You Want

Article • 7 - 11 minutes • 9/18/2021
Article
7 - 11 minutes
9/18/2021
Let's look at the resources, awareness, and skills needed to ask for emotional attunement, celebration, relatedness, perspective, understanding, advice, and information. This includes expressing appreciation for what's supporting your needs, strengthening a sense of worthiness, and awareness of your reactivity and intention. Plus, making requests that are clear, specific, doable and creates a...

How To Distinguish True Caring From Being Charmed

Article • 4-6 minutes • 9/2/2021
Article
4-6 minutes
9/2/2021
The attention you enjoy may not be motivated by true caring for you. There are three key questions that can help you discern whether you are receiving care or charm: How does caring show up under duress? How are differences treated? How consistent is the ability to consider the impact of their behavior on others? Be mindful of your judgments and notice any patterns.

What To Do When They Never Want to Talk About It

Article • 5 - 7 minutes • 09/2019
Article
5 - 7 minutes
09/2019
When someone doesn't want to talk some options include releasing your attachment to the strategy you want, asking about and affirming with empathy their reasons for not talking, looking for what support could be helpful to shift to more openness, letting go, and grieving. Read on for more on this, including possible reasons for why they might not want to engage on it.

To Vaccinate or Not to Vaccinate - How to Connect With What Matters

Article • 8 - 12 minutes • 8/2021
Article
8 - 12 minutes
8/2021
To help you stay connected to yourself and the other person when in challenging discussions about COVID-19 vaccines or other hot issues, without labeling others as reactive or otherwise, you can begin by tracking signs of your own reactivity to bring mindfulness onboard, then shifting your attention to universal needs; and asking to connect about it later. Read on for more.

Create Mutuality Rather Than Keeping Score

Article • 3 - 5 minutes • 2/2021
Article
3 - 5 minutes
2/2021
Where do you feel desperation, resentment, anger about your partner's choices? What do you want to demand of them? Rather than looking for what they're suppose to do, look for your feelings and needs, how would you would respond if you trusted your needs could be met without your partner, and what you choose to do given what your partner offers and does not offer.

Understanding Earned Authority and Dissolving Projections Through Boundaries and Shared Humanity

Article • 6 - 9 minutes • 3/2021
Article
6 - 9 minutes
3/2021
Someone may give more weight to your ideas, decisions, and directives based on your experience and what you've learned. This could influence them to project their ideals, fears, hopes, and more onto you. In this case, you can help transform this and contribute to their connection to their own agency, authenticity, and self-trust -- while supporting their ability to learn from what you have to...

How to Respect Boundaries When Offering Empathy

Article • 6 - 9 minutes • 6/2020
Article
6 - 9 minutes
6/2020
Sometimes the empathy you offer may stimulate disconnect or a sense of boundary crossing for the other person. To identify what might have contributed to the disconnect you can look for the signs, the level of attunement and the context, and examine what's happening in you. Read on for more.

Understanding and Transforming Anger

Article • 6 - 9 minutes • 01/2021
Article
6 - 9 minutes
01/2021
Anger can alert us that a need may be threatened. When anger lives in someone as a well-worn habit, it arises from a place of dissociation from one’s heart and is entangled with misinterpretations, a deep sense of threat, a history of pain, and social conditioning that isn’t life-serving. Read on for how intention, mindfulness, and specific actions can change that habit.

Healing Worthlessness and Finding Belonging

Article • 4- 6 minutes • 02/2021
Article
4- 6 minutes
02/2021
With worthlessness comes the idea of not belonging or not being worthy of belonging. In this context, belonging is more than an identity with a particular group. It is the sort of belonging that enables you to get other fundamental needs met, including safety, support, nourishment, and love. Unconscious attempts win worthiness and belonging often effectively blocks the very thing its pursuing....

Interrupt Emotional Shut Down

Article • 3- 5 minutes • 09/2020
Article
3- 5 minutes
09/2020
In times of stress, some part of you may still hold the belief that you can't be present for the stressor and survive. Some part of you may believe you have to go away. There are three things you can consider when attempting to intervene with the reactive pattern of shutting down: how you relate to the shutting down, access to self-confidence, and engagement. Read on for more.