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NVC Resources with LaShelle Lowe-Chardé



Helping Another Find Willingess

Article • 4-6 minutes
Intermediate Skill Level
Article
4-6 minutes
Is there someone you wish was more willing? Try guessing what obstacles they might be struggling with. And allow yourself to feel your grief. As you grapple with your own desire for someone to find their willingness, its essential to recognize that this is about you and your needs. You can also express your needs honestly, make requests for how to collaborate, and be responsive to what they...

Getting Stuck Arguments Unstuck

Article • 3-5 minutes
Beginner Skill Level
Article
3-5 minutes
Some arguments stay stuck because each person thinks it's about the content of the argument, rather than the needs each person is attempting to protect. When the needs get attached to the strategies a "no way out" scenario gets created. Instead, fully step into one another's worlds and connect to the feelings and needs behind the strategy each party is putting forth. Read on for six elements to...

Empathy vs. Investigation

Article • 4-6 minutes
Beginner Skill Level
Article
4-6 minutes
To tell the difference between empathy and investigation, watch for distinctions along four different dimensions: energy, subject, intention and trust. These distinctions can help us engage awareness and skill to meet your needs and respond to others’ needs in more direct ways. The more you meet your needs in conscious and direct ways, the more present you can be for others. Read on for more...

How to Invite Shared Vulnerability

Article • 3-4 minutes
Beginner Skill Level
Article
3-4 minutes
Shared vulnerability can build more intimacy, mutuality, being seen and heard, empathy, or community. Inviting shared vulnerability means earning another’s trust that you can consistently offer attentive, curious, and compassionate listening. Here are four strategies to invite shared vulnerability.

Prevent Misunderstanding--One Simple Strategy

Article • 2-3 minutes
Beginner Skill Level
Article
2-3 minutes
Misunderstandings can be painful. We can easily avoid this by checking what the other person understood from what we said, and ask the other person to do the same. Doing this is especially important when it comes to planning, shared decision-making, and when emotions are strong. Also, the more someone knows you, the more they think they already know what you mean -- which can get in the way of...

Preparing for Difficult Dialogue

Article • 3-5 minutes
Beginner Skill Level
Article
3-5 minutes
Effective and connected dialogue requires significant self-awareness, mindfulness, and skill. You can focus on any of these six areas that most often escape your awareness: anchoring and staying grounded; boundaries; thoughts and beliefs; stuckness or attachment; feelings and needs; and requests. Read on for a list of questions to help you focus on how to do that.

Angry and Taken Advantage of

Article • 4-6 minutes
Intermediate Skill Level
Article
4-6 minutes
Finding your power in seemingly powerless situations doesn't mean denying what happened, your feelings, your needs, nor the behavior of others that didn't meet needs. It does mean reexamining those situations with the intention to compassionately look for your contribution and for clues to your hidden perceptual biases. Read on to learn about about finding these clues, and more.

Simple Interventions for Chronic Reactivity

Article • 6-9 minutes
Intermediate Skill Level
Article
6-9 minutes
For each reactive pattern there is a perceived threat to a tender need. Knowing these tender needs helps us figure out how to interrupt these patterns and creating new ways of perceiving and relating to life. In addition to knowing the need, knowing the healing response and the primary reactive behavior helps with transformation.

Responding to Criticism: At Work and At Home

Article • 7 - 11 minutes
Intermediate Skill Level
Article
7 - 11 minutes
In general, criticism is a reactive response discomfort. When someone criticizes, they are not yet able or willing take responsibility for their needs. All criticism is a tragic expression of feelings and unmet needs. When you meet that criticism skillfully you not only care for yourself, you can facilitate clarity, and constructive communication, about what the other person is truly asking for.

Practicing Non-Reactivity

Article • 3 - 5 minutes
Beginner Skill Level
Article
3 - 5 minutes
For this practice assume that reactivity is arising any time you are distracted and not enjoying something. Practice throughout the day by focusing for a few moments on something specific that you find pleasing. Notice the sensation of joy or pleasure in your body, and hold attention there longer than usual. This interrupts tension and contraction. Keep remembering to do this. When you go too...

Asking to be Known

Article • 7 - 12 minutes
Intermediate Skill Level
Article
7 - 12 minutes
There are various ways to be known. Learn how to engage and make clear requests accordingly. This includes getting clear in yourself about what exactly you want known; communicating how important it is to you; sharing examples in your life of being known; requesting and negotiating from the energy of the met need; letting the other person know whether or not the relationship is really...

Inner Conflict and Agreements with Yourself

Article • 4 - 6 minutes
Intermediate Skill Level
Article
4 - 6 minutes
There are three things you can do to sort inner conflict and make doable, sustainable agreements with yourself. This capacity can build trust with yourself to follow through, and to develop diverse and creative solutions -- thereby increasing confidence and ease.

Inviting Depth in Conversation

Article • 3 - 5 minutes
Beginner Skill Level
Article
3 - 5 minutes
Conversation can become more satisfying with depth. Depth is occurs when connection unfolds towards a depth of intimacy, presence, attunement, sensing -- and silent connection where another is attentively seen and heard. Inviting this level of sharing in conversation relies on at least three major elements: attentive silence, the desire to connect and be known, and focus on present moment...

Building Trust

Article • 3 - 5 minutes
Intermediate Skill Level
Article
3 - 5 minutes
How is trust best supported? Do you know what you do to contribute to making it easier or more difficult for others to express the truth (even in the most mundane moments)? Smaller requests can also built trust over time if they're rooted in the present moment, and are specific enough. Learn more about building trust...

Privacy vs. Secrecy & Boundaries

Article • 3 - 5 minutes
Intermediate Skill Level
Article
3 - 5 minutes
What's the real reason you choose to talk about something or not? "Privacy" can become a misplaced label that's used to hide harmful behaviour. Secrets typically come from reactivity -- and can carry shame, fear or threat of harm, and take a toll. And yet, if something private gets mislabeled as a "secret" it can also trigger shame and fear. The key to all this may be in relating to privacy...

Creating an Internal Secure Base

Article • 5 - 8 minutes
Intermediate Skill Level
Article
5 - 8 minutes
We each hold an internal model or set of expectations about how caring and comfort could be accessed in relationship. The ability to reflect upon and challenge our own dominant model of perceptions, beliefs, and behaviors --and to experience discomfort and vulnerability-- is a key feature of "security". If not, an "attachment reactivity" arises -- where sense of insecurity, separateness, and...

Finding Courage

Article • 2 - 4 minutes
Beginner Skill Level
Article
2 - 4 minutes
Telling yourself to be a certain way or have more of a certain quality (like courage), is a set-up for self-criticism and possibly freezing or avoiding. Instead, access effective action by asking yourself questions like: "If I could be or have that, what actions would be different inside or out?" "If I could be or have that, what needs would be met and knowing those are the needs, what could I...

Secure Differentiation

Article • 4 - 6 minutes
Intermediate Skill Level
Article
4 - 6 minutes
Differentiation is being who you are in the presence of who they are. Its a process of connecting to and honoring your own experience, acting in integrity with your values, and engaging in collaboration with others to meet needs. If you're happier when you are not in an intimate relationship you may have developed your individuality but likely have difficulty with differentiation. Learn core...

When You Are Being "Talked At"

Article • 5 - 8 minutes
Beginner Skill Level
Article
5 - 8 minutes
Has someone ever talked to you to the extent that you're no longer enjoying it, and you now wonder if they even know you're there? Learn ways to bring in emotional understanding, engage more honestly and open-heartedly, and bridge next steps to the type of conversation that engages everyone's needs.

 
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