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NVC Resources with LaShelle Lowe-Chardé


Responding to Criticism: At Work and At Home

Article • 7 - 11 minutes • 5/2019
Article
7 - 11 minutes
5/2019
In general, criticism is a reactive response discomfort. When someone criticizes, they are not yet able or willing take responsibility for their needs. All criticism is a tragic expression of feelings and unmet needs. When you meet that criticism skillfully you not only care for yourself, you can facilitate clarity, and constructive communication, about what the other person is truly asking for.

Practicing Non-Reactivity

Article • 3 - 5 minutes • 3/2019
Article
3 - 5 minutes
3/2019
For this practice assume that reactivity is arising any time you are distracted and not enjoying something. Practice throughout the day by focusing your attention for a few moments on something specific that you find pleasing. Notice the sensation of joy or pleasure in your body, and hold attention there longer than usual. This interrupts tension and contraction. Keep remembering to do this....

Asking to be Known

Article • 7 - 12 minutes • 3/2019
Article
7 - 12 minutes
3/2019
There are various ways to be known. Learn how to engage and make clear requests accordingly. This includes getting clear in yourself about what exactly you want known; communicating how important it is to you; sharing examples in your life of being known; requesting and negotiating from the energy of the met need; letting the other person know whether or not the relationship is really...

Inner Conflict and Agreements with Yourself

Article • 4 - 6 minutes • 4/2019
Article
4 - 6 minutes
4/2019
There are three things you can do to sort inner conflict and make doable, sustainable agreements with yourself. This capacity can build trust with yourself to follow through, and to develop diverse and creative solutions -- thereby increasing confidence and ease.

Inviting Depth in Conversation

Article • 3 - 5 minutes • 6/2018
Article
3 - 5 minutes
6/2018
Conversation can become more satisfying with depth. Depth is occurs when connection unfolds towards a depth of intimacy, presence, attunement, sensing -- and silent attentive connection where another is attentively seen and heard. Inviting this level of sharing in conversation relies on at least three major elements: attentive silence, the desire to connect and be known, and focus on present...

Building Trust

Article • 3 - 5 minutes • 8/2011
Article
3 - 5 minutes
8/2011
How is trust best supported? Do you know what you do to contribute to making it easier or more difficult for others to express the truth (even in the most mundane moments)? Smaller requests can also built trust over time if they're rooted in the present moment, and are specific enough. Learn more about building trust...

Privacy vs. Secrecy & Boundaries

Article • 3 - 5 minutes • 9/2018
Article
3 - 5 minutes
9/2018
What's the real reason you choose to talk about something or not? "Privacy" can become a misplaced label that's used to hide harmful behaviour. Secrets typically come from reactivity -- and can carry shame, fear or threat of harm, and take a toll. And yet, if something private gets mislabeled as a "secret" it can also trigger shame and fear. The key to all this may be in relating to privacy...

Creating an Internal Secure Base

Article • 5 - 8 minutes • 9/2018
Article
5 - 8 minutes
9/2018
We each hold an internal model or set of expectations about how caring and comfort could be accessed in relationship. The ability to reflect upon and challenge our own dominant model of perceptions, beliefs, and behaviors --and to experience discomfort and vulnerability-- is a key feature of "security". If not, an "attachment reactivity" arises -- where sense of insecurity, separateness, and...

Finding Courage

Article • 2 - 4 minutes • 1/2019
Article
2 - 4 minutes
1/2019
Telling yourself to be a certain way or have more of a certain quality (like courage), is a set-up for self-criticism and possibly freezing or avoiding. Instead, access effective action by asking yourself questions like: "If I could be or have that, what actions would be different inside or out?" "If I could be or have that, what needs would be met and knowing those are the needs, what could I...

Secure Differentiation

Article • 4 - 6 minutes • 1/2019
Article
4 - 6 minutes
1/2019
Differentiation is being who you are in the presence of who they are. Its a process of connecting to and honoring your own experience, acting in integrity with your values, and engaging in collaboration with others to meet needs. If you're happier when you are not in an intimate relationship you may have developed your individuality but likely have difficulty with differentiation. Learn core...

When You Are Being "Talked At"

Article • 5 - 8 minutes • 4/2019
Article
5 - 8 minutes
4/2019
Has someone ever talked to you to the extent that you're no longer enjoying it, and you now wonder if they even know you're there? Learn ways to bring in emotional understanding, engage more honestly and open-heartedly, and bridge next steps to the type of conversation that engages everyone's needs.

Using an Anchor in Self-Empathy

Article • 5 - 8 minutes • 4/2019
Article
5 - 8 minutes
4/2019
An anchor awakens parts of you that can access a bigger perspective. Also, it can reduce your reactivity, increase conscious relating, and support self-compassion. An anchor helps you get a little bit bigger than the reactivity you are experiencing so that you can access a wiser discernment. It is simple, and can be done anytime and anywhere. Learn to direct your attention to develop your...