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NVC Resources with Mary Mackenzie


Getting Beyond Our Judgments So We May Connect

Trainer Tip • 1 - 2 minutes • 
Trainer Tip
1 - 2 minutes
Trainer Tip: Thinking someone is bad, wrong, or evil can make it more difficult to connect with them. If we focus on this kind of thinking, we stay in the problem or conflict. The minute we step out of judgement and listen for the needs underlying their actions, we begin working for the solution. Put your focus in the direction of the result you want. Read on for an example.

Sometimes I Can’t Get Past My Judgments

Trainer Tip • 1 - 2 minutes • 
Trainer Tip
1 - 2 minutes
Trainer Tip: Whether we listen to our own or the other person’s needs first, connecting to needs can help us release judgments of others, see their humanness, help us to begin to hear them and ultimately connect to them. Be aware today of times when you are judging someone. Then be aware of your own needs to improve your connection to them.

How To Know If Someone Has Been Heard

Trainer Tip • 1 - 2 minutes • 
Trainer Tip
1 - 2 minutes
Trainer Tip: People tend to look, act, and sound softer when they have been more fully heard. If you're unsure whether someone has been heard and you want to be cautious, you may ask them, “Is there anything else you’d like me to hear?”. If you try to reason with or educate them before they're heard, they'll likely respond negatively. After they're heard, you may notice a willingness on their...

Making A Connection In A Difficult Situation

Trainer Tip • 1 - 2 minutes • 
Trainer Tip
1 - 2 minutes
Trainer Tip: Whether there is the potential of physical or emotional violence, listening deeply to the underlying needs of the people in conflict can be swift, direct, and healing. Look for opportunities to defuse conflicts by reflecting the feelings and needs of the other person.

The Importance of Making Requests

Trainer Tip • 1 - 2 minutes • 
Trainer Tip
1 - 2 minutes
Trainer Tip: Requests include a specific action to help us get our needs met. If we have a complaint or in conflict, and we don’t make specific requests, people are left guessing and/or wondering about what will meet our needs. Our chances for getting our needs met can then become limited. Instead, try ending with a request to let the other person know exactly what you would like to happen.

Celebrate Yourself!

Trainer Tip • 1 - 2 minutes • 
Trainer Tip
1 - 2 minutes
Trainer Tip: At least once today celebrate yourself and your progress, every step of it. We all have a starting point. No matter where you are in your life, you have made progress. Every mistake, every victory, and every confusing moment can lead you forth and can be something to celebrate.

Empowering Ourselves Through Our Choices

Trainer Tip • 1 - 2 minutes • 
Trainer Tip
1 - 2 minutes
Trainer Tip: Today, when you tell yourself that you "have to" or "should" do something, notice what you feel and experience - is it a sense of duty, obligation, guilt, shame, overwhelm, constriction, heaviness? Then consider the underlying needs you are trying to meet with the activity. This can shift the purpose and intention with an energy that motivates our actions can bring empowerment and...

Don’t Assume You Know What Other People Need

Trainer Tip • 1 - 2 minutes • 
Trainer Tip
1 - 2 minutes
Trainer Tip: Sometimes when we look to fix someone's problems we think we're doing it to make them feel better, but in reality we are uncomfortable and we want to feel better. Instead of assuming you know what their problem is or what they need, listen deeply. Your listening presence can bring relief to the both of you and provide additional opportunities for healing. And along the way they may...

Making Requests Count

Trainer Tip • 1 - 2 minutes • 
Trainer Tip
1 - 2 minutes
Trainer Tip: A request completes the communication by stating specifically what we would like from someone else to meet our need. Without this clarity, our communication can be confusing and can easily be seen as a demand. When people know what you want, you have a better chance of meeting your needs. Make clear, specific, doable requests of people, and see if this increases the chance of...

Shooting For The Moon

Trainer Tip • 1 - 2 minutes • 
Trainer Tip
1 - 2 minutes
Trainer Tip: In a Compassionate Communication process, we believe there are enough resources in the Universe to meet all of our needs. Most people are stumped because they can only see one strategy for meeting a need. Identify one need that you would like to experience more of and make a list of at least five strategies for meeting it today.

Living Our Values

Trainer Tip • 1 - 2 minutes • 
Trainer Tip
1 - 2 minutes
Trainer Tip: Sometimes I wish others would make it easy for me to live my values. If other people would just do their part, I wouldn’t have to work so hard at doing mine. Can you relate? However, if I support peace in the world, this means I act peacefully because it’s important to me, not because it’s important to others. Identify your most important value today. Then live it. Notice how...

Getting Started

Trainer Tip • 1 - 2 minutes • 
Trainer Tip
1 - 2 minutes
Trainer Tip: Identify one goal and take one small step toward achieving it today. It doesn’t matter how much or how often. The reward is in taking the first step, and then the second and third until you’ve attained your goal.

Keeping Our Perspective

Trainer Tip • 1 - 2 minutes • 
Trainer Tip
1 - 2 minutes
Trainer Tip: We all want to be valued in our totality, to be loved even when we make mistakes. Wouldn’t we also like to offer this to ourselves? Compassion is about seeing the humanness in everyone, including ourselves. One way to express compassion is to remember your entire relationship and history of love with someone as a whole, rather than focusing on one disappointing incident.

Celebrate Your Progress!

Trainer Tip • 1 - 2 minutes • 
Trainer Tip
1 - 2 minutes
Trainer Tip: Overwhelmed with all that you want to do? If so, what are you working to change? Is it a behavior or a consciousness? Where were you with this issue when you first decided to create change? And now where are you? Celebrating your progress can encourage you to keep trying. You wouldn’t expect to jump on a treadmill and jog three miles the first time. Don't have the same expectations...

Supporting Our Loved Ones In Living Authentically

Trainer Tip • 1 - 2 minutes • 
Trainer Tip
1 - 2 minutes
Trainer Tip: Sometimes the people in our lives don’t yet have the skills to speak directly about what they want. When this happens we can make guesses about how they feel and what they want. This can lead to greater connection and chances we all can be more satisfied with our interactions.

I Want To Connect More Than I Want To Be Right

Trainer Tip • 1 - 2 minutes • 
Trainer Tip
1 - 2 minutes
Trainer Tip: We have a better chance of getting our needs met if we prioritize connecting with one another's needs more than being right. This way we can reduce the chances of conflict arising. We also increase the possibility we can find ways everyone’s needs can be met.