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Inbal Kashtan and Miki Kashtan

Inbal Kashtan and Miki Kashtan

Inbal Kashtan (1965-2014), MA, CNVC Certified Trainer, was co-founder of Bay Area Nonviolent Communication (BayNVC), co-leader of BayNVC's North America NVC Leadership Program and the coordinator of the Center for Nonviolent Communication's Peaceful Families, Peaceful World Project. Inbal was the author of Parenting from Your Heart: Sharing the Gifts of Compassion, Connection, and Choice, about a dozen articles and a CD: Connected Parenting: Nonviolent Communication in Daily Life. She enjoyed developing curricular materials and processes for learning NVC, including the NVC Tree of Life, Body NVC and many journals that support deepening self-connection and integration of NVC consciousness and skills.

Inbal was passionate about nurturing the development of current and future NVC leaders and exploring the application of NVC in social change arenas. She aimed to support people to integrate and live in NVC consciousness, and was continually moved by the beauty and power of the internal and group transformation that emerges from deep engagement with ourselves, with others and with life.


 Miki Kashtan is a co-founder of Bay Area Nonviolent Communication (BayNVC) and Lead Collaboration Consultant at the Center for Efficient Collaboration. Miki aims to support visionary leadership and shape a livable future using collaborative tools based on the principles of Nonviolent Communication. She shares these tools through meeting facilitation, mediation, consulting, coaching, and training for organizations and committed individuals. Her latest book, Reweaving Our Human Fabric: Working together to Create a Nonviolent Future (2015) explores the practices and systems needed for a collaborative society. She is also the author of Spinning Threads of Radical Aliveness: Transcending the Legacy of Separation in Our Individual Lives, and The Little Book of Courageous Living. Miki blogs at The Fearless Heart and her articles have appeared in the New York Times ("Want Teamwork? Encourage Free Speech"), Tikkun, Waging Nonviolence, Shareable, Peace and Conflict, and elsewhere. She holds a Ph.D. in Sociology from UC Berkeley.

Try this four step exercise for making connection requests to support understanding, and to learn what effect your words had on the listener. In this exercise you'll choose a situation where you have clarity about what outcome will really work for you (your solution request), but where you imagine your desired outcome may not work for the other person, and/or are not sure there is sufficient connection for mutual trust.

NVC practice is based on several key assumptions and intentions. When we live based on these assumptions and intentions, self-connection and connection with others become increasingly possible and easy, helping us contribute to a world where everyone’s needs are attended to peacefully.

 Connection requests focus on the quality of connection between people instead of on any particular strategy or solution. While the core motivation for a connection request may be connection with the other person, varied internal states and needs may help guide us toward different types of connection requests. Self-connection and understanding of our motivation in making a connection request can therefore greatly support our capacity for discovering and articulating what specifically we want from the other person that we believe may contribute to connection.