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NVC Library search results for: requests

Unpacking OFNR - Requests

Article • 5 - 8 minutes • 11/2020
Article
5 - 8 minutes
11/2020
Many believe it's only a true NVC request when we can ask for what we need without urgency or insistence. But what if we're the target of oppression and hate in a world with systemic inequality? Is it still nonviolence to abdicate power by allowing the person enacting harm to be the one to decide whether harm continues? The intensity of the need, degree of harm, and how chronically unmet the...

Creating Real Challenges—Are you Game?

Article • 4 - 6 minutes • 2/2015
Article
4 - 6 minutes
2/2015
A challenge is an expansion of making a clear, positive doable request — and, when given, the person feels deeply seen by the challenger. A challenge isn't just about getting someone to take action on something important to them; it's a fierce form of empathy that supports people in connecting with their life force, and integrates it into their lives with action. A real challenge is tied to the...

Developing Your Tracking Skills (Part 2)

Video • 10 minutes • 06/30/2014
Video
10 minutes
06/30/2014
Mary continues her discussion of tracking skills, focusing on tracking requests, agreements with the group and tracking time. Mary also examines how to monitor the purpose of the session, discerning if and when to shift the agreement about the purpose for meeting. Mary closes with some final helpful tips to hone your tracking skills.

Helping Another Find Willingess

Article • 4-6 minutes • 2/2019
Article
4-6 minutes
2/2019
Is there someone you wish was more willing? Try guessing what obstacles they might be struggling with. And allow yourself to feel your grief. As you grapple with your own desire for someone to find their willingness, its essential to recognize that this is about you and your needs. You can also express your needs honestly, make requests for how to collaborate, and be responsive to what they...

Healing a Repetitive Reactive Dynamic

Article • 3-5 minutes • 6/2018
Article
3-5 minutes
6/2018
In healing reactivity try identifying your most common complaints, wishes, or requests. Or when you tend to defend, justify, get angry, or protect. Find the tender needs. You can recall when you experienced deep nourishment of that need. Several times a week nourish your tender needs. Be clear about the strategy to address needs by answering key questions. Read on for more.

Standing in Your Truth and Setting Boundaries

Article • 8-12 minutes • 11/2019
Article
8-12 minutes
11/2019
Unhook from a reactive dynamic, by staying with your needs and requests, and release attachment to outcome. Start by shifting your attention from the other person to get clear on what's true for you. Read on for strategies to transform reactivity, possible boundary setting behaviors, typical signs of escalation, and more.

Building Trust

Article • 3 - 5 minutes • 8/2011
Article
3 - 5 minutes
8/2011
How is trust best supported? Do you know what you do to contribute to making it easier or more difficult for others to express the truth (even in the most mundane moments)? Smaller requests can also built trust over time if they're rooted in the present moment, and are specific enough. Learn more about building trust...

Staying Self-Connected in a Challenging Dialogue

Article • 6-9 minutes • 07/2020
Article
6-9 minutes
07/2020
When we're judging we're less able to access both what we care about and constructive next actions. Instead, create more internal space and agency starting with connecting to your feelings and needs; then feel your grief or disappointment; followed by getting curious about the other party's needs and context -- and then based on collective needs and the long term effects make requests or take...

Self-Management = More Joy at Work

Article • 5 - 8 minutes • 9/2016
Article
5 - 8 minutes
9/2016
Want to manage more effectively with more ease and joy and get your staff to make changes? The first, crucial step is to learn how to change your behavior to impact what's happening. For example, we can get the inner clarity we need to reframe questions we ask ourselves, recap, make clear requests, give concrete feedback, etc. This article expands on how self-management can increase influence...

Empathy in the Face of Powerful Structures

Article • 12 - 18 minutes • 1/2018
Article
12 - 18 minutes
1/2018
Here's an inspiring story of one citizen (the author) who faced a police officer and judge in court to contest a transit ticket... and inspired structural changes in the way one aspect of New York City transit operates. She inspires change with her application of empathy for self and others, acknowledgement, connecting requests -- and an inspiring vision of understanding, shared reality and...

Moving Beyond Needs as Met or Unmet

Article • 5 - 8 minutes • 10/2019
Article
5 - 8 minutes
10/2019
Sometimes when we regard needs as something that could be met or unmet by another person or by a situation we unconsciously hold the belief that our needs should be met. Or we end up holding blame or implying wrongdoing. People are more likely to resist a request made from this stance. Instead, here are practices to increasingly losen any remaining attachment or demand energy -- and open our...

Grounded Responses for Challenging Comments

Article • 3 - 5 minutes • 09/2019
Article
3 - 5 minutes
09/2019
When someone responds with painful sarcasm, criticism, or dismissal you can respond with empathy, or with clarity about your intention, need and request. If you're unable to do this, later you can privately write what they said, identify the feelings and needs of both of you, then write possible responses. This can help you remember to stay with your intention and what’s true for you without...

Getting Conversations Back on Track

Article • 4 - 6 minutes • 03/2020
Article
4 - 6 minutes
03/2020
What can you do to move towards connection when you you sense reactivity, defense, withdrawal or conflict arising? You can make a connection request, check the congruence between your body language and your words, and get curious about the impact of your actions. When you've tried everything you could also acknowledge that something is off, and choose to come back together when both parties...

Honor Your Need to be Heard

Article • 2-3 minutes • 04/2019
Article
2-3 minutes
04/2019
When you want to be heard, first check if your listener is available. This honors yourself, and the other person’s choice about listening. You need to be clear about wanting a particular quality of listening, and that you are willing to wait if that isn’t available in the moment. Read on for how to ask for listening in a way that can build trust that your request isn't a demand.

Covert Compassion

with Jeff Brown
Audio • 7 minutes • 05/15/2014
Audio
7 minutes
05/15/2014
Interested in bringing NVC consciousness to your workplace, but want to use a natural and conversational way of speaking? Listen in as Jeff describes three specific skills you can apply immediately: #1: How to express your understanding of a co-worker’s needs; #2: How to apply the three dimensions of needs in a business setting; and #3: How to make a Symbiotic Request that acknowledges holding...

Honesty Is the Key

Trainer Tip • 1 - 2 minutes • 10/2005
Trainer Tip
1 - 2 minutes
10/2005
Trainer Tip: In Nonviolent Communication, we see expressing honesty as a gift of our authenticity, and a chance for others to support us in getting our needs met -- this can flourish and deepen our relationships. We can notice and act on opportunities to be honest with the components of OFNR (Observations, Feelings, Needs, and Requests).