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Independence vs. Interdependence in NVC

Article  • 3 - 5 minutes • 08/2020
All Skill Levels
Article
3 - 5 minutes

For us to have a more peaceful world and relationships, growing our skills to engage interdependently is key. An interdependence-oriented person may choose to attend to both inner factors and outer factors that affect their own and others' experiences. Unfortunately, this is likely to be misunderstood by independence-oriented people as enmeshment -- and this is where conflict emerges. Read on for more.


Healing Worthlessness and Finding Belonging

Article  • 4- 6 minutes • 02/2021
All Skill Levels
Article
4- 6 minutes

With worthlessness comes the idea of not belonging or not being worthy of belonging. In this context, belonging is more than an identity with a particular group. It is the sort of belonging that enables you to get other fundamental needs met, including safety, support, nourishment, and love. Unconscious attempts win worthiness and belonging often effectively blocks the very thing its pursuing. Read on for more.


Healing Addiction With Unconscious Contract Work

Article  • 5 - 8 minutes • 01/2020
All Skill Levels
Article
5 - 8 minutes

An addiction to something (eg. opioids, fats, sugars, salts, cigarettes, coffee, alcohol, etc.) or a compulsion (eg. gambling, shopping, working, sex or love addictions) is often an unconscious attempt to soothe trauma - fear, loneliness and shame that's frozen in unconscious memory. The addiction or compulsion is a substitute for what we really need. It is an endless craving that's never enough. Read on for more.


Interrupt Emotional Shut Down

Article  • 3- 5 minutes • 09/2020
All Skill Levels
Article
3- 5 minutes

In times of stress, some part of you may still hold the belief that you can't be present for the stressor and survive. Some part of you may believe you have to go away. There are three things you can consider when attempting to intervene with the reactive pattern of shutting down: how you relate to the shutting down, access to self-confidence, and engagement. Read on for more.


Healing From Betrayal

Article  • 5- 8 minutes • 07/2019
All Skill Levels
Article
5- 8 minutes

Repairing betrayal may include rebuilding self trust, getting support, empathy on both sides over time, and new agreements. Even though your (in)actions don't "cause" someone's behavior, acknowledging any part you played in creating conditions for the behaviors to arise, can support repair. Trust builds slowly as new skills, ways of relating and experiences that reflect honesty, self responsibility, and respect are consistent over time.


Understanding Selfishness, Self-Responsibility, and Self-Care

Article  • 6 - 9 minutes • 11/2020
All Skill Levels
Article
6 - 9 minutes

What we refer to as "selfishness" is action taken without concern for the impact or cost of that action. Self-responsibility, on the other hand, includes actively living from the truth of interdependence, care for your and others needs, thriving of all, and more. We can access clarity of self care when we have open flexibility, curiosity, and responsiveness. Read on for more on the indicators and attributes of each of these distinctions.


Nonviolence In The Face of Rape or Assault

Article  • 1 - 2 minutes • 12/2016
All Skill Levels
Article
1 - 2 minutes

Here's a brief anecdote showing how one woman was able transform a situation, where a man was about to assault or rape her. She responded in a creative way that lead them both to see each others' humanity -- navigating them both to safety. As part of her ingenuity he ended up spending the night in her house, in another room.


Addressing Needs Beyond Market Economies

Article  • 22 - 31 minutes • 05/2020
All Skill Levels
Article
22 - 31 minutes

Within the pandemic, limitations of our market economies are more visible. Extreme need is exposed when the economy is collapsing and so many people are without jobs. We can now see how it’s possible to direct resources where they are most needed, solely out of care and interconnection. This is a call to explore a more viable way of living, that centers relationship over transaction.


Responding to Opportunity in Extreme Times

Article  • 12 - 18 minutes • 04/2020
All Skill Levels
Article
12 - 18 minutes

This pandemic is an immense opportunity, and a dire catastrophe in the making. It’s a crisis within many planetary crises — during which, our habits as individuals, and as a collective, are challenged because they don’t sustain us. Now we are pushed to respond freshly and join forces in ways that seemed impossible before.


Setting Boundaries with Attraction

Article  • 3-5 minutes • 09/2019
All Skill Levels
Article
3-5 minutes

Attraction to others is neither good nor bad. Although it's pleasurable it doesn’t necessarily help with wise discernment. When it arises, it's up to you to engage in wise discernment about how you manage it. This guide provides practices and points of focus to engage your own attraction in a way that holds more choice about what will meet needs for yourself and others, and what role attraction plays.