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Moving Beyond Needs as Met or Unmet

Article  • 5 - 8 minutes • 10/2019
Beginner Skill Level
Article
5 - 8 minutes

Sometimes when we regard needs as something that could be met or unmet by another person or by a situation we unconsciously hold the belief that our needs should be met. Or we end up holding blame or implying wrongdoing. People are more likely to resist a request made from this stance. Instead, here are practices to increasingly losen any remaining attachment or demand energy -- and open our hearts to ourselves and others while we make requests.


Preparing for Difficult Dialogue

Article  • 3-5 minutes • 1/2019
Beginner Skill Level
Article
3-5 minutes

Effective and connected dialogue requires significant self-awareness, mindfulness, and skill. You can focus on any of these six areas that most often escape your awareness: anchoring and staying grounded; boundaries; thoughts and beliefs; stuckness or attachment; feelings and needs; and requests. Read on for a list of questions to help you focus on how to do that.


Increasing Your Capacity to Feel

Article  • 4 - 6 minutes • 01/2018
Beginner Skill Level
Article
4 - 6 minutes

What's really going on underneath the surface when we bring or encounter blame, judgements, pain -- and thereby the inability to empathize, be present, attuned, or responsive?  Why does this happen even if one or more people in a relationship dynamic is working hard at bringing in an NVC response? This article addresses these and more questions from the perspective of how our brains are affected in our relationships.


Let it RAIN!

with Jim Manske
Article  • 5 - 8 minutes • 02/2017
Beginner Skill Level
Article
5 - 8 minutes

This article outlines a four-part transformation process to help us recognize what's giving rise to our suffering and resentment -- and transform it into more freedom, creativity, and choice.


Anatomy of a Trigger: Change Your Focus and Improve the Outcome

Article  • 7-10 minutes • 10/2017
Beginner Skill Level
Article
7-10 minutes

When you or anyone is upset, what could underneath the trigger?  There may be more than is immediately visible.  This article invites us to explore what it looks like to inquire deeper, take self-responsibility, examine our assumptions, attachments, interpretations, and "certainties" that could be hidden behind the needs that are aching to be attended to...


The Shadow Side of Autonomy

Article  • 8 - 12 minutes • 01/2018
All Skill Levels
Article
8 - 12 minutes

Could our "need for autonomy" be getting in the way of "partnership consciousness" (as NVC is sometimes called). Could "autonomy" also block healthy relationships with not only ourselves and with others, but also with the planet? This article invites us to consider how "autonomy" may colour our NVC practice at the peril of our critical values. Values such as our care for impact, shared responsibility, interdependence, compassion, consideration, and more...


Don't Take It Personally

Article  • 10 - 15 minutes • 04/2018
All Skill Levels
Article
10 - 15 minutes

When we don't like what someone is saying to us, sometimes people encourage us to hear their needs, and "not take it personally" -- and we're inclined to agree.  Could "not taking it personally" close our hearts and awareness to others, life and ourselves?  Rachelle Lamb invites us to take a closer look at what it's like when we attend to the situation from our hearts, and skillfully reflect upon our actions with tenderness.


Privilege and Needs - Part 2

Article  • 4 - 6 minutes • 11/2010
All Skill Levels
Article
4 - 6 minutes

What is it that we are taught we can’t have, and what is it that we are encouraged to pursue instead? This guide could help you see through what's hidden behind the curtain of our societal conditioning.


Privilege and Needs - Part 1

Article  • 4 - 6 minutes • 06/2011
Intermediate Skill Level
Article
4 - 6 minutes

There's the real need. And then there's the privilege that’s offered as a substitute for it. Privilege substitutes support the existing structure of society. It can look to us as if giving up the privilege would amount to giving up everything -- if we don't believe the real needs can even be experienced. If we connected directly to the needs, we could become subversive, agents of change.


Creating an Internal Secure Base

Article  • 5 - 8 minutes • 9/2018
Intermediate Skill Level
Article
5 - 8 minutes

We each hold an internal model or set of expectations about how caring and comfort could be accessed in relationship. The ability to reflect upon and challenge our own dominant model of perceptions, beliefs, and behaviors --and to experience discomfort and vulnerability-- is a key feature of "security". If not, an "attachment reactivity" arises -- where sense of insecurity, separateness, and belief that love, and acceptance can't be trusted nor accessed reliably. Thus change would require intensive support. Here's a guide to help you reflect and access change.


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