Unpacking OFNR - Requests

Article •  5 - 8 minutes
Intermediate Skill Level
Article
5 - 8 minutes

Many believe it's only a true NVC request when we can ask for what we need without urgency or insistence. But what if we're the target of oppression and hate in a world with systemic inequality? Is it still nonviolence to abdicate power by allowing the person enacting harm to be the one to decide whether harm continues? The intensity of the need, degree of harm, and how chronically unmet the need is, are factors to guide us for when to apply force and demand within NVC. We can be attached to outcome, without being attached to strategy.


Making Demands

Trainer Tip •  1 - 2 minutes
Introductory Skill Level
Trainer Tip
1 - 2 minutes

When we ask something of a person and threaten negative repercussions if she doesn’t comply, we're making a demand. Demands limit the possible responses and reduce joyful participation. Instead, look to find mutually satisfying resolutions. And look for ways to change your demand into a request. Read on for more.


Moving Beyond Needs as Met or Unmet

Article •  5 - 8 minutes
Beginner Skill Level
Article
5 - 8 minutes

Sometimes when we regard needs as something that could be met or unmet by another person or by a situation we unconsciously hold the belief that our needs should be met. Or we end up holding blame or implying wrongdoing. People are more likely to resist a request made from this stance. Instead, here are practices to increasingly losen any remaining attachment or demand energy -- and open our hearts to ourselves and others while we make requests.


Attachment and Connection as a Foundation for Parenting--and Life!

Audio •  40 minutes
Intermediate Skill Level
Audio
40 minutes

Ingrid shares about the three primary keys of parenting & NVC, two child rearing models, developmental needs for children and how to foster secure attachment.


Preparing for Difficult Dialogue

Article •  3-5 minutes
Beginner Skill Level
Article
3-5 minutes

Effective and connected dialogue requires significant self-awareness, mindfulness, and skill. You can focus on any of these six areas that most often escape your awareness: anchoring and staying grounded; boundaries; thoughts and beliefs; stuckness or attachment; feelings and needs; and requests. Read on for a list of questions to help you focus on how to do that.


Privilege and Needs - Part 2

Article •  4 - 6 minutes
All Skill Levels
Article
4 - 6 minutes

What is it that we are taught we can’t have, and what is it that we are encouraged to pursue instead? This guide could help you see through what's hidden behind the curtain of our societal conditioning.


Privilege and Needs - Part 1

Article •  4 - 6 minutes
Intermediate Skill Level
Article
4 - 6 minutes

There's the real need. And then there's the privilege that’s offered as a substitute for it. Privilege substitutes support the existing structure of society. It can look to us as if giving up the privilege would amount to giving up everything -- if we don't believe the real needs can even be experienced. If we connected directly to the needs, we could become subversive, agents of change.


Creating an Internal Secure Base

Article •  5 - 8 minutes
Intermediate Skill Level
Article
5 - 8 minutes

We each hold an internal model or set of expectations about how caring and comfort could be accessed in relationship. The ability to reflect upon and challenge our own dominant model of perceptions, beliefs, and behaviors --and to experience discomfort and vulnerability-- is a key feature of "security". If not, an "attachment reactivity" arises -- where sense of insecurity, separateness, and belief that love, and acceptance can't be trusted nor accessed reliably. Thus change would require intensive support. Here's a guide to help you reflect and access change.


Curiosity, The Art of Waiting, and Finding Peace

Article •  7 - 11 minutes
Intermediate Skill Level
Article
7 - 11 minutes

Sitting with uncertainty can be very uncomfortable and evoke anxiety. Or it can be a practice that brings in the curiosity and inner spaciousness that allows for creative solutions to emerge, and that help us to relax our attachment to outcomes.  Here's a closer look...


Increasing Your Capacity to Feel

Article •  4 - 6 minutes
Beginner Skill Level
Article
4 - 6 minutes

What's really going on underneath the surface when we bring or encounter blame, judgements, pain -- and thereby the inability to empathize, be present, attuned, or responsive?  Why does this happen even if one or more people in a relationship dynamic is working hard at bringing in an NVC response? This article addresses these and more questions from the perspective of how our brains are affected in our relationships.


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