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Responding to Criticism: At Work and At Home

Article •  7 - 11 minutes • 
Intermediate Skill Level
Article
7 - 11 minutes

In general, criticism is a reactive response discomfort. When someone criticizes, they are not yet able or willing take responsibility for their needs. All criticism is a tragic expression of feelings and unmet needs. When you meet that criticism skillfully you not only care for yourself, you can facilitate clarity, and constructive communication, about what the other person is truly asking for.


Practicing Non-Reactivity

Article •  3 - 5 minutes • 
Beginner Skill Level
Article
3 - 5 minutes

For this practice assume that reactivity is arising any time you are distracted and not enjoying something. Practice throughout the day by focusing your attention for a few moments on something specific that you find pleasing. Notice the sensation of joy or pleasure in your body, and hold attention there longer than usual. This interrupts tension and contraction. Keep remembering to do this. When you go too long without directing your attention in this way, the practice becomes less accessible.


Inviting Depth in Conversation

Article •  3 - 5 minutes • 
Beginner Skill Level
Article
3 - 5 minutes

Conversation can become more satisfying with depth. Depth is occurs when connection unfolds towards a depth of intimacy, presence, attunement, sensing -- and silent attentive connection where another is attentively seen and heard. Inviting this level of sharing in conversation relies on at least three major elements: attentive silence, the desire to connect and be known, and focus on present moment experience. Learn more about this way of engaging.


Building Trust

Article •  3 - 5 minutes • 
Intermediate Skill Level
Article
3 - 5 minutes

How is trust best supported? Do you know what you do to contribute to making it easier or more difficult for others to express the truth (even in the most mundane moments)? Smaller requests can also built trust over time if they're rooted in the present moment, and are specific enough. Learn more about building trust...


Privacy vs. Secrecy & Boundaries

Article •  3 - 5 minutes • 
Intermediate Skill Level
Article
3 - 5 minutes

What's the real reason you choose to talk about something or not? "Privacy" can become a misplaced label that's used to hide harmful behaviour. Secrets typically come from reactivity -- and can carry shame, fear or threat of harm, and take a toll. And yet, if something private gets mislabeled as a "secret" it can also trigger shame and fear. The key to all this may be in relating to privacy from a place of clear differentiation, boundaries, agency, care and discernment.


Finding Courage

Article •  2 - 4 minutes • 
Beginner Skill Level
Article
2 - 4 minutes

Telling yourself to be a certain way or have more of a certain quality (like courage), is a set-up for self-criticism and possibly freezing or avoiding. Instead, access effective action by asking yourself questions like: "If I could be or have that, what actions would be different inside or out?" "If I could be or have that, what needs would be met and knowing those are the needs, what could I do or ask for that would meet those needs?"


When You Are Being "Talked At"

Article •  5 - 8 minutes • 
Beginner Skill Level
Article
5 - 8 minutes

Has someone ever talked to you to the extent that you're no longer enjoying it, and you now wonder if they even know you're there? Learn ways to bring in emotional understanding, engage more honestly and open-heartedly, and bridge next steps to the type of conversation that engages everyone's needs.


Using an Anchor in Self-Empathy

Article •  5 - 8 minutes • 
Beginner Skill Level
Article
5 - 8 minutes

An anchor awakens parts of you that can access a bigger perspective. Also, it can reduce your reactivity, increase conscious relating, and support self-compassion. An anchor helps you get a little bit bigger than the reactivity you are experiencing so that you can access a wiser discernment. It is simple, and can be done anytime and anywhere. Learn to direct your attention to develop your anchor in self-empathy.


Pain Lasers and Love Lasers

Article •  5 - 7 minutes • 
Beginner Skill Level
Article
5 - 7 minutes

In lasers, light bounces between the mirrors, with each pass the light grows more intense. Our minds work similarly. Because of the "mirror" effect, where we can react to our reactions to our reactions to our reactions (and so on), changing our thought pattern even modestly at every level of reaction, can dramatically affect our ultimate experience.  Usually the greatest amplifiers are the ones we notice the least.  Learn what to notice -- to amplify more love rather than pain.


Living in Full Authenticity

Article •  3 - 5 minutes • 
Beginner Skill Level
Article
3 - 5 minutes

In life, relationships, and organizations, authenticity is the bedrock of effectiveness. It can give rise to effective dialogues, information flow, intimacy, accountability, decision making and follow through. NVC can give us more tools to live with rigor around our authenticity...


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