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Understanding Earned Authority and Dissolving Projections Through Boundaries and Shared Humanity

Article  • 6 - 9 minutes • 3/2021
Beginner Skill Level
Article
6 - 9 minutes

Someone may give more weight to your ideas, decisions, and directives based on your experience and what you've learned. This could influence them to project their ideals, fears, hopes, and more onto you. In this case, you can help transform this and contribute to their connection to their own agency, authenticity, and self-trust -- while supporting their ability to learn from what you have to offer.


How to Respect Boundaries When Offering Empathy

Article  • 6 - 9 minutes • 6/2020
Beginner Skill Level
Article
6 - 9 minutes

Sometimes the empathy you offer may stimulate disconnect or a sense of boundary crossing for the other person. To identify what might have contributed to the disconnect you can look for the signs, the level of attunement and the context, and examine what's happening in you. Read on for more.


3 Simple Steps to Set The Boundaries You Need

Article  • 3 - 5 minutes • 07/2019
Beginner Skill Level
Article
3 - 5 minutes

Resentment is one sign that you need a boundary. You can set a boundary by requesting the behavior that would be most meaningful to you. Include why that behavior would be meaningful to you and share vulnerably. Then notice if you are holding any blame and ask yourself, “What do I need to feel underneath my blame?” If you can take responsibility for those feelings with compassion, the other person is more likely to collaborate.


Distinguishing Life-Serving Boundaries From Requests

Article  • 3-5 minutes • 05/2020
Intermediate Skill Level
Article
3-5 minutes

For effective dialogue clarify your needs, boundaries, and requests beforehand. Setting boundaries is telling someone what you're going to do in order to meet or protect needs for yourself or others. Whereas with requests, even if you have preferences, you still hold open curiosity about strategies to collaborate with others in meeting needs. Read on for more.


How to Set Boundaries Early and Often

Article  • 5-8 minutes • 12/2017
Beginner Skill Level
Article
5-8 minutes

Using the example of being met with chronic lateness, here are three steps to setting boundaries early in a dating situation or relationship.


Responding to Anger

Article  • 5-8 minutes • 05/2018
Beginner Skill Level
Article
5-8 minutes

When someone wants to speak angrily about another, do you want to move away, try to calm them, argue, set a boundary, or offer empathy? What supports you to stay self connected? You can set boundaries regarding listening so that you're less likely to defend the other party, or attempt to talk your friend down from their judgments, thereby escalating the situation. Disagreements can also ignite curiosity and celebration. Read on for more.


Requests in a Moment of Reactivity

Article  • 3-5 minutes • 05/2019
Beginner Skill Level
Article
3-5 minutes

Here are 16 helpful requests you can make before you're swept up in your own reactivity.


Preparing for Difficult Dialogue

Article  • 3-5 minutes • 1/2019
Beginner Skill Level
Article
3-5 minutes

Effective and connected dialogue requires significant self-awareness, mindfulness, and skill. You can focus on any of these six areas that most often escape your awareness: anchoring and staying grounded; boundaries; thoughts and beliefs; stuckness or attachment; feelings and needs; and requests. Read on for a list of questions to help you focus on how to do that.


Privacy vs. Secrecy & Boundaries

Article  • 3 - 5 minutes • 9/2018
Intermediate Skill Level
Article
3 - 5 minutes

What's the real reason you choose to talk about something or not? "Privacy" can become a misplaced label that's used to hide harmful behaviour. Secrets typically come from reactivity -- and can carry shame, fear or threat of harm, and take a toll. And yet, if something private gets mislabeled as a "secret" it can also trigger shame and fear. The key to all this may be in relating to privacy from a place of clear differentiation, boundaries, agency, care and discernment.


The Ultimate Romance

Article  • 6 - 9 minutes • 01/2018
All Skill Levels
Article
6 - 9 minutes

For the ultimate romance to unfold, as an expression of your care for how your words and actions affect others, prioritize digging into your inner work before addressing conflict with them.  This means doing the inner work necessary to get to the root of the issue, which can bring bigger shifts, more aliveness, love, creativity, inspiration and compassion.  This doesn't mean letting the other person get away with unhealthy behaviour.


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