Signs of Healthy Differentiation With Empathy
4- 6 minutes
If you ask for or give empathy and are met with accusations of codependency, there are a number of things you can do to check that you are coming from a place of healthy differentiation. You can see if you're doing so from a place of healthy differentiation -- and notice signs of healthy differentiation when you offer empathy. You can also bring a profound respect for differences, and clear boundaries. Read on for more.
Independence vs. Interdependence in NVC
3 - 5 minutes
For us to have a more peaceful world and relationships, growing our skills to engage interdependently is key. An interdependence-oriented person may choose to attend to both inner factors and outer factors that affect their own and others' experiences. Unfortunately, this is likely to be misunderstood by independence-oriented people as enmeshment -- and this is where conflict emerges. Read on for more.
Abusive Relationships and Nonviolence
8 - 12 minutes
In order to bring in more nonviolence into the world, we need to take our own needs seriously and recognize that no amount of seeing someone’s innocence would mean putting up with more of their harmful behavior. We need to disentangle compassion towards another from the willingness to tolerate more harmful actions. At times this means finding enough self-love, support, or clarity, to take decisive action. Read on for more.
5 - 10 minutes
We all fall into codependency sometimes — it’s in our wiring. And when we do, it’s a sign that we’re looking for security the only way we know how in that moment: by looking outside of ourselves. At its core, codependency is the act of leaving ourselves and looking outward to find our sense of self. So to heal codependent patterns we need focus on coming back to ourselves and engage in vulnerable, boundaried connection.
Expanding The Circle Of Care
5 - 7 minutes
Who are you not use to caring about? Is it those you classify as "other"? Those you disagree with? The lower class? People in power? Those who inflict harm? Yourself? To include everyone's needs fully, not instead of your needs, can transform the either/or paradigm. It can also help us to go beyond so-called "codependency". And it can support us all to live more sustainably on this planet.
Changing A One-Way Caretaking Relationship
5 - 8 minutes
Notice situations where you're attending to another and giving up on your needs with resentment or a sense of submitting. You can also watch for “shoulds,” obligation, and black-and-white thinking around the support you offer. Is there a sense that if you don't carry out a particular action something bad will happen? If so, identify the needs at hand and brainstorm a variety of strategies to meet them.
Social Dynamics During the Holidays
2 - 3 minutes
During the holiday season we may find ourselves taking responsibility for other's feelings, which can lead to guilt, shame, depression, and resentment. These feelings are exacerbated by the habitual pattern we call the "Vortex of Submission" (being hooked by a sense of duty and obligation). Read on for ways to recognize and break the pattern.