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Library Resources with deescalation

What can you do to move towards connection when you you sense reactivity, defense, withdrawal or conflict arising? You can make a connection request, check the congruence between your body language and your words, and get curious about the impact of your actions. When you've tried everything you could also acknowledge that something is off, and choose to come back together when both parties have had time to reflect. Read on for more.

Additional Info

  • Skill Level Beginner Skill Level
  • Duration 4 - 6 minutes
  • Production Date 03/2020
  • Premium Members

    N/A

  • Points 1
  • Multi Trainer Num 1
Published in Articles

Trainer tip: Empathy is about being present to a person’s feelings and needs. It is acknowledging another’s experience, not necessarily agreeing with it. If you have a different opinion than another, empathize with her first. Then, state your feelings and needs with regard to the situation.

Additional Info

  • Skill Level Introductory Skill Level
  • Duration 1 - 2 minutes
  • Production Date 10/2005
  • Premium Members

    N/A

  • Points 2
  • Multi Trainer Num 1
Published in Trainer Tips

Mid-conversation you may find yourself sliding into defending, shutting down, attacking, or blaming. Here's a list of possible emergency interventions that can help slow down escalation and return you to connection.

Additional Info

  • Skill Level Beginner Skill Level
  • Duration 2-3 minutes
  • Production Date 11/2019
  • Premium Members

    N/A

  • Points 1
  • Multi Trainer Num 1
Published in Articles

Most reactivity in intimate relationships comes from a lack of confidence in maintaining intimacy, autonomy, or security. What may help is naming what's happening, interrupting shame, and anchoring or reassuring yourself. You can also reflect on the effects of acting from reactivity. Knowing what helps center you, ask your partner to do or say specific things that might help. Read on for more.

Additional Info

  • Skill Level Intermediate Skill Level
  • Duration 3-5 minutes
  • Production Date 2/2019
  • Premium Members

    N/A

  • Points 2
  • Multi Trainer Num 1
Published in Articles

Trainer Tip: To defuse anger and create space for resolution, hear the other person’s feelings and needs. If this practice is new to you, you're like to experience fear and resistance in trying it out. However, you'll be more likely to experience a powerful shift, and build your capacity, if you try it anyways.

Additional Info

  • Skill Level Beginner Skill Level
  • Duration 1 - 2 minutes
  • Production Date 10/2005
  • Premium Members

    N/A

  • Points 2
  • Multi Trainer Num 1
Published in Trainer Tips

In general, criticism is a reactive response discomfort. When someone criticizes, they are not yet able or willing take responsibility for their needs. All criticism is a tragic expression of feelings and unmet needs. When you meet that criticism skillfully you not only care for yourself, you can facilitate clarity, and constructive communication, about what the other person is truly asking for.

Additional Info

  • Skill Level Intermediate Skill Level
  • Duration 7 - 11 minutes
  • Production Date 5/2019
  • Premium Members

    N/A

  • Points 3
  • Multi Trainer Num 1
Published in Articles