We all fall into codependency sometimes — it’s in our wiring. And when we do, it’s a sign that we’re looking for security the only way we know how in that moment: by looking outside of ourselves. At its core, codependency is the act of leaving ourselves and looking outward to find our sense of self. So to heal codependent patterns we need focus on coming back to ourselves and engage in vulnerable, boundaried connection.

Setting boundaries takes being firmly grounded in self-respect and clear about what works for you. This means making conscious choices about how you relate to another or behave in a situation. Such clarity allows you to put your attention and energy where you want it to go. Thus we can have care and compassion without taking responsibility for others, nor feeling guilty when we say “no”. This takes awareness, skills, practice, healing and compassion.