Healing From Betrayal

Article •  5- 8 minutes
All Skill Levels
Article
5- 8 minutes

Repairing betrayal may include rebuilding self trust, getting support, empathy on both sides over time, and new agreements. Even though your (in)actions don't "cause" someone's behavior, acknowledging any part you played in creating conditions for the behaviors to arise, can support repair. Trust builds slowly as new skills, ways of relating and experiences that reflect honesty, self responsibility, and respect are consistent over time.


Change Your Thoughts to Change Your World

Trainer Tip •  1 - 2 minutes
Beginner Skill Level
Trainer Tip
1 - 2 minutes

Trainer Tip: Changing your thoughts can change the way people experience you. Just for today, see if you can notice when you have judgmental thoughts about yourself or other people. Then look to translate those thoughts into your feelings and needs. Read on for an example of how this works.


Evaluating Ourselves with Compassion

Trainer Tip •  1 - 2 minutes
Introductory Skill Level
Trainer Tip
1 - 2 minutes

Trainer Tip: Every time you criticize yourself, you cause yourself to feel shame and guilt, which promotes depression and stagnation. Instead, bringing in more self compassion can increase opportunities for change. Do this by acknowledging your needs (or values) that aren’t met by your actions. Read on for how to do this.


Nonviolent Communication Basics

Article •  4 - 6 minutes
All Skill Levels
Article
4 - 6 minutes

Here are some very basic forms and distinctions of NVC. It covers the 4 D's, OFNR, some NVC distinctions, tips, quotes from Marshall Rosenberg, and "feelings and needs" lists, and more. As with any art, these rudiments necessarily must be learned, practiced, understood, embodied and then let go of so as not to become rote and block creativity.


Staying Self-Connected in a Challenging Dialogue

Article •  6-9 minutes
Beginner Skill Level
Article
6-9 minutes

When we're judging we're less able to access both what we care about and constructive next actions. Instead, create more internal space and agency starting with connecting to your feelings and needs; then feel your grief or disappointment; followed by getting curious about the other party's needs and context -- and then based on collective needs and the long term effects make requests or take aligned action that works for all.


Saying Thank You without Judgment

Trainer Tip •  1 - 2 minutes
Beginner Skill Level
Trainer Tip
1 - 2 minutes

Trainer tip: From the NVC perspective, everything someone says or does is either a “please” or a “thank you". In our culture, saying “thank you” usually involves an appreciation in the form of judgment or evaluation. Remember, whether we judge someone as good or bad, judgments and evaluations can create disconnect or tension. Instead, notice how their actions have enriched life, and what feelings it stimulated.


Life-Alienating Communication

Trainer Tip •  2 - 3 minutes
Beginner Skill Level
Trainer Tip
2 - 3 minutes

Trainer tip: Be aware of times when you are judging others, demanding, making comparisons, or denying responsibility for your actions. Notice how these communication patterns affect your connection with other people.


Enjoying the Jackal Show

Trainer Tip •  2 - 3 minutes
Beginner Skill Level
Trainer Tip
2 - 3 minutes

Trainer tip: Be aware of your inner jackal chatter today and make a commitment to listen for the underlying needs they are trying to tell you about.


Feelings vs Interpretations

Article •  1-2 minutes
Beginner Skill Level
Article
1-2 minutes

Here's a list of words that pose as feelings, but are actually interpretations of what you think someone is doing to you. They trigger defensiveness in another thereby preventing a connected dialogue. Behind each of these words are precious feelings and needs. This sheet includes ways to distinguish feelings from interpretations.


Understanding Judgments

Trainer Tip •  1 - 2 minutes
Introductory Skill Level
Trainer Tip
1 - 2 minutes

Trainer tip: Whenever we judge someone else in any way, we create a barrier and distance between us and the other person. Instead, consider shifting from judging other people to awareness of how their behavior affects your feelings and needs. This can make a profound difference in your ability to live peacefully. Read on for more.


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