Facing the Holidays in a Pandemic

Article •  4 - 6 minutes
Beginner Skill Level
Article
4 - 6 minutes

The pandemic asks us to examine the way we have always done things. It asks to try something new and notice what happens. This is an opportunity to ask why you have done holidays in a certain way and what needs it met to do it that way. Perhaps it is an opportunity to experiment and see what new things might arise. Read on for questions to ask yourself that might help you process your triggers, "should's", feelings, needs and dilemmas.


Responding to Unwanted Feedback from Peers

Article •  6-9 minutes
Intermediate Skill Level
Article
6-9 minutes

When someone offers continual unsoliticed feedback or advice, setting a boundary may not be easy if you care about how they might hear you. And if you don't set a boundary, you may eventually become resentful and say something you regret. Instead, here are six ways to respond, with varying degrees of effectiveness.


Working with Subtle Boundary Violations

Article •  7-11 minutes
Applied NVC
Article
7-11 minutes

Subtle boundary violations are more difficult to catch and name in the moment, than obvious boundary violations. Becoming more aware of these moments and finding the words to set a boundary are critical to supporting healthy relating long-term. Three categories of subtle boundary violations are (1.) lack of mutuality, (2.) voice tone and volume, and (3.) speaking for or about someone. Read on to learn more about all three.


How To Listen and Find Aliveness in Containment

Article •  5-9 minutes
Intermediate Skill Level
Article
5-9 minutes

Physical distancing is opportunity to creatively to meet your needs in new ways. In this containment, with very few cues from others and the environment you now have a rare opportunity with less external distraction to rethink what's truly supportive -- and make significant changes to the less noticable habits of mind, standards and "should's". Applying questions and noticing certain symptoms can support. Read on for more.


Feelings vs Interpretations

Article •  1-2 minutes
Beginner Skill Level
Article
1-2 minutes

Here's a list of words that pose as feelings, but are actually interpretations of what you think someone is doing to you. They trigger defensiveness in another thereby preventing a connected dialogue. Behind each of these words are precious feelings and needs. This sheet includes ways to distinguish feelings from interpretations.


Emotional Regulation Strategies

Learning Tool •  2-3 minutes
All Skill Levels
Learning Tool
2-3 minutes

Emotional regulation is the consistent capacity to fully experience one’s feelings, particularly when they are intense and/or painful. Here are 36 practices that help with emotional regulation that can be done alone or with others. Read on for more.


Honor Your Need to be Heard

Article •  2-3 minutes
Beginner Skill Level
Article
2-3 minutes

When you want to be heard, first check if your listener is available. This honors yourself, and the other person’s choice about listening. You need to be clear about wanting a particular quality of listening, and that you are willing to wait if that isn’t available in the moment. Read on for how to ask for listening in a way that can build trust that your request isn't a demand.


The Mobilizing Power of Anger

Article •  3-5 minutes
All Skill Levels
Article
3-5 minutes

Anger can result in violence or in a movement towards positive change. We can see this happen in the push for racial justice. When you perceive anger as a form of violence your nervous system becomes activated. Your perspective narrows and old conditioning can take over leading to overwhelm, defensiveness, hatred, or violence. Read on for four ways to to respond to our own or others' anger in a way that mobilizes desired change.


Setting Boundaries with Attraction

Article •  3-5 minutes
All Skill Levels
Article
3-5 minutes

Attraction to others is neither good nor bad. Although it's pleasurable it doesn’t necessarily help with wise discernment. When it arises, it's up to you to engage in wise discernment about how you manage it. This guide provides practices and points of focus to engage your own attraction in a way that holds more choice about what will meet needs for yourself and others, and what role attraction plays.


Emergency Interventions for Escalating Arguments

Article •  2-3 minutes
Beginner Skill Level
Article
2-3 minutes

Mid-conversation you may find yourself sliding into defending, shutting down, attacking, or blaming. Here's a list of possible emergency interventions that can help slow down escalation and return you to connection.


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