Live NVC Courses: LaShelle Lowe Charde

Based on your observations of "power with" interactions choose a specific, do-able to practice so that you're prepared the next time you're in a power under/power over dynamic. Keep the practice simple to do in a difficult moment. Then reflect: identify what you did (internally or externally) or said that (de)escalated the dynamic. This practice requires noticing what went well, self compassion, perseverance, and support.

When a relationship has both differentiation and bonding you can express differences and unmet needs, and responsibly do your own thing without it being a threat to the bond with another. You honor each others choices. There's trust rather than a sense of resentful obligation. Needs-based negotiation is easier. See if you tend to emphasize only differentiation or bonding in your relationships. Imagine how to support the opposite.

Struggling to say "no"? Here are ways you change your adjacent mind patterns. First, note the differences between those who respect boundaries and those who often don't. Second, review situations in which you lost track of your choice. And rehearse what it would sound, look, and feel like if you kept connection to your choice. Third, seek validation of your experience - from a grounded and mindful (non-reactive) state.

• Recognize reactivity the moment it starts to appear
• Identify what your reactions are trying to tell you
• Respond to your reactivity with empathy
• Move forward with grace

This handout defines and contrasts "empathy" alongside "responses may meet needs, but are not empathy" (such as advice, correcting, consoling, etc).

Before you make a request you can connect fully to a time when your need was met. Notice how your request feels and sounds different from this place of aliveness. Excitement about meeting a need implies confidence and trust about moving forward together. Offer an invitation to find strategies that work for both of you.

Emotional regulation is the consistent capacity to fully experience one’s feelings, particularly when they are intense and/or painful. Here are 36 practices that help with emotional regulation that can be done alone or with others. Read on for more.

In some situations you might expect people to show a degree of maturity or skill. When they don't, your anger-fueled response doesn't lead to lasting improved relationship change. Instead, find someone who retains focus on your feelings and needs rather than colluding with you about what should(n't) be. This can support greater acceptance, grief, vulnerability, groundedness and discernment, from which next steps can arise.

Building trust involves each person taking responsibility for what they want by identifying their needs, and making specific and doable requests that open a negotiation. Identify in what contexts you already have trust, what you want to be able to trust, and how you may be blocking or cultivating that trust. Making requests for specific actions of what to do differently can also help.

When someone's behavior costs us, we may attempt to negotiate as much as possible. After some rounds of this, if there's no change we may reach a tolerance limit. So we may set a boundary for self care and clarity about what's unworkable. But depending on intentions and the way its said, this may or may not be a punishment to get even. Here, clarity about intentions, feelings, needs, actions and dialogue may support us.